I'm a 24-year-old female, and I suspect my boyfriend, who is 26, might be trying to encourage me to date his best friend. Let me explain the situation.
I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, whom I'll refer to as Michael, for about a year now. We've known each other for years because we've been part of the same friend group since high school. His best friend, whom I'll call John, is also part of this group, and I've known him for a long time.
A few years ago, John asked me out, but I turned him down. I wasn't particularly fond of his somewhat arrogant personality. Many people find him charming, but I've always considered him smarmy. He took the rejection surprisingly well, even telling people that I had asked him out and he had turned me down, which didn't bother me. After a few months, we essentially ignored each other, and that's how it's been for years.
Fast forward to about six months ago, Michael started behaving strangely, albeit subtly. Whenever I showed enthusiasm for something, he would invariably mention how much John also loved it. It seemed like he was doing this with everything I talked about, and it got to the point where it became odd. He told me how compatible John and I were and expressed a desire for us to connect better.
I eventually told Michael that I didn't care about John's interests because I found him pretentious, and we never got along. Michael seemed offended, but he quickly got over it, and the next day, everything seemed fine again.
About a week later, Michael started randomly praising John, even when there was no apparent reason to do so. He would say things like, "John is volunteering at the same shelter we visited a couple of weeks ago—what a great guy!" This kept happening, and it became a daily or every-other-day occurrence, with Michael continually singing John's praises.
Three weeks ago, after we'd had some drinks, Michael asked me, "If we ever broke up, would you date someone else in the group?" This was a random question, and I didn't know how to respond. He quickly added, "I think I would if I were you, especially if John were single." Seriously?
So, three days ago, I confronted him in the kitchen, telling him I'd be there to listen to anything he wanted to share, and that I'd always support him. He looked confused and claimed not to understand what I meant. I then brought up all the instances where he spoke highly of John and suggested that if he wanted me to date John, I would understand and support them since they were best friends.
At that point, he exploded in anger, using derogatory terms for gay people and expressing his disgust that I saw him in that way. We had a huge fight because I couldn't support his language or attitude toward LGBTQ individuals, and I insisted it was just a feeling I had, not an accusation.
We haven't talked much since, and he's currently staying at his parents' house. Today, John called me, expressing his disagreement with Michael's attitude toward me and invited me to meet and discuss it, even claiming that Michael was fine with it. Is my suspicion irrational, or is something bizarre going on?
So, I called Michael when he got off work, and the first thing he asked me was if I went to vent to John. Naturally, I didn't because we're not close, and I told him as much. He didn't have much to say to that, so I started with the questions you guys suggested, like, "Why are you pushing me toward John?" and "Do you want to break up?" He got defensive again and said he refused to talk about it over the phone, suggesting we meet at John's place to discuss it.
I asked why John had to be included at all, as it's really between the two of us, and he basically told me that it's between the three of us? I refused to meet at John's, for obvious reasons, and told him that if it had to involve all three of us, we could meet at a restaurant. He seemed fine with that, and we scheduled a meeting at a bar/grill that's pretty close to all of us. I showed up early and secured a table with some privacy.
Not long after, John walked in. He sat down immediately and started chatting about how we were both so punctual and that he liked when women showed up early because it demonstrated good time management skills. About 25 minutes after Michael was supposed to show up, he texted me, saying he had car problems and couldn't make it but suggested I "get to know John" since I was already there.
I was furious at this point. John kept trying to buy me drinks and even attempted to schedule another time to hang out. I confronted him about Michael pushing me toward him, but he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about.
I kept mentioning how Michael was talking about him to me, and John just said it made sense because friends support each other. I told him they could support each other and left, seething with anger.
Michael tried calling me three times, and John tried seven times. I want to cut them both off and say good riddance, but doing that would mean leaving the friend group as well. I don't have many friends to begin with, and it infuriates me that I even have to make this decision. Anyway, that's the update. I apologize if it doesn't resolve anything, but it makes me angry too.
OP gave an update:
I went to Michael's house early this morning because I had to work, and I really needed to resolve this. I had been up all night, going through the comments and trying to piece everything together, and honestly, it was driving me crazy.
Michael was alone when I got there, which was a relief because I half-expected John to show up like a movie villain. Initially, he didn't want to let me in, which was weird, but I told him I wouldn't leave without talking to him about this. He finally let me in, and we sat down to talk.
I asked him about last night, to which he claimed he had car trouble, but it was all fixed now. Convenient, right? I asked him a few more questions, but his answers were vague. So, I decided to cut to the chase and said, "Why do you want me to like John? Do you want me to date him? What is it?" Instead of answering, he just stared at me from his chair.
Then he had the audacity to ask me whom I had told my suspicions to. I said I'd been running them through my head, but my mom knew I was coming over to talk (even though she didn't know, but he was starting to creep me out).
He got angry, claiming it wasn't like that, and I was making him out to be the bad guy. He said they were both looking for something long-term, not just a one-time thing. Now that all my suspicions were 100% confirmed, I told him that you can't make plans involving someone else without their consent.
I made it clear that I would never be interested in ANYTHING with the two of them and that I was no longer interested in anything with just him either. I started leaving and told him to never contact me again, the same goes for John.
Michael blocked my way out and said I had to hear him out and his side of the story. I told him I didn't want to or care to, and that he needed to let me leave because my mom was expecting me in the next half hour. He became frantic, insisting that if he could get John over to explain, it would all make sense.
So I ran out the backdoor, used the garden exit to get to my car, and locked the doors immediately. He came outside and started pounding on my windows, saying I was making a huge mistake and that I'd regret this. I was in tears in my car, and I think I accidentally drove over their mailbox because the back of my car has a huge dent.
My car was almost out of gas, so I had to stop, even though all I wanted to do was put as much space between us as possible. It was then that I noticed the dent. Just as I was about to leave, who else would call my name but Michael's mom?
She was on her way home from the grocery store and was concerned because I looked like I'd seen a ghost. I told her about everything that just happened and got more than a few stares from other people, but I figured, "Screw it," as I'm just the "crazy lady at Maverick."
His mom looked horrified on my behalf and advised me to stay as far away from him as possible. She asked me to sit with her in her car, where she proceeded to inquire about when I first met Michael, which was back in high school.
She figured as much and told me that in middle school, he and John had done something together. They had been involved in an incident, and there was a sealed record because they were minors. She said they "didn't mean to do it."
She expressed how sorry she was and explained that it had happened so long ago that she thought he had changed. She had even put him in therapy and believed he was better. She said that if she had any idea there might have been a chance of this happening, she would've told me immediately. I said a quick goodbye, and I'm really scared right now.
I'm heading to my mom's place since both Michael and John know where I live. I sent a mass text to everyone in the group, detailing EVERYTHING, and so far, three people have expressed their support, which is good, I guess.
I'm never talking to them again, and I've already blocked them on everything I could think of, but I've been receiving calls from hidden numbers. I'm considering going to the police station to file a harassment complaint so that it's at least documented. My mom said she's going to call my uncle, who works at the court, to see what the next best step is.
OP provided another update:
Life has been tumultuous, especially with the state shutting down again. I've been feeling quite overwhelmed. I reached out to the police to discuss obtaining a restraining order.
We now have an upcoming court date scheduled to present the case before a judge. I'm incredibly nervous about it, but it's a step in the right direction. This mainly concerns Michael, as I didn't have a relationship with John, and he never technically harassed me, leaving me with fewer options regarding him.
I'm still receiving numerous blocked calls, but I'm currently in the process of changing my phone number, so that issue should resolve itself soon. I've returned to my apartment, where we've added new safety features, including cameras and new locks. Right now, it's a waiting game as I prepare for the court proceedings.
I'll have to share my side of the story when I see Michael in court. On the other hand, John has gone missing. The police attempted to speak with him, but he wasn't at home and hasn't been seen by anyone I've talked to.
I'm also getting weird letters left at my door, though they've all been delivered by the post office, making it difficult to address. These letters mostly contain ramblings about love, which gives me the creeps. I've stopped opening them and have kept them in a drawer, possibly for evidence in the upcoming court case.
I have a job interview coming up, so please wish me luck! My boss has let Michael into my workplace twice since I returned, and I no longer feel safe there. My friends' opinions are now divided, with a minority siding with Michael and John.
I've come to realize whom I can't trust. Those who listened to my side of the story but still believe I was irrational for "leading John on" are in the wrong. So, good riddance to them.
Regrettably, my mom was not left alone, and someone broke her front window, necessitating a police visit. It's been quiet for the past two days, and I'm unsure whether to feel relieved or nervous.
The feeling of constantly looking over my shoulder is still with me. I hope it eventually fades away. This update feels more like a diary entry than a post. However, I want to assure everyone that I'm okay, and my life is gradually getting back on track.
This guy doesn’t know when to give up does he?
What do you think? Did OP make the right decisions?