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'My fiancé just gifted his ex-wife an apartment worth millions and won't tell me why.' UPDATED 5X

'My fiancé just gifted his ex-wife an apartment worth millions and won't tell me why.' UPDATED 5X


In lieu of spoilers, everyone involved needs a name for clarity.

- Isabel (28F), the OP

- Luke (35M), Isabel's fiancé

- Jackie (38F), Luke's Ex-wife

- Anna (5F), Luke's daughter

- Ben, Luke's best friend

- Lynn, married to Ben

- Ed, a close friend of Luke

- Susan, married to Ed

- Kareena, a friend of Jackie and Susan

" My (28f) fiancé (35m) left his apartment to his ex-wife (38f) and he told me that our relationship is over if I approached the subject again."

Here's the original post:

My fiancé Luke and I met about 3 years ago. He proposed a year ago and that's when we moved in together. Everything has been wonderful with our relationship. Luke is kind, gentle, very caring, and amazing. Before me he was married and their marriage ended 5 years ago.

He never speaks about his ex wife Jackie but they’re civil and seem to be on good terms. They have a daughter, Anna, together who is almost six and lives with us on alternate weeks. The co-parenting is going well.

As I said, my fiancé never speaks about Jackie. He never mentions her. I was curious in the beginning and asked Luke several times to know more about his marriage and previous life but all he ever said is that they were incompatible. I’m not as curious anymore.

The only problem I have is that Luke left her his big, beautiful 4 bedroom apartment in the city that he inherited from his father even though Jackie and Luke had prenup. We live in a much smaller 2 bedroom apartment that isn’t in the city. Since we have Anna half the time I felt it was odd that Luke just doesn’t take his apartment back.

Also, he left Jackie his Porsche that she never uses since she lives in the center of everything. The car is also his. I never really talked about it before because I was just the girlfriend. When Luke proposed I started planning and thinking about our future. I feel that now I have more to say about our finances. I started talking about us maybe taking his apartment back.

We are 3 now and we are planning to have more children. Jackie is single and she has a good job. I don’t think Jackie is my husband’s responsibility anymore (we don’t have a child support or alimony system in our progressive European country). Whenever I brought up the subject Luke changed it. He said we were doing fine, or that we would manage or move to a bigger apartment once we have more children.

It frustrated me greatly that he was evading the subject. Even if we moved, it would never be to an apartment like the one Jackie lives in rent free. I tried to understand why he gave her everything but no one had any answers for me. My soon-to-be sister-in-law is as confused as me and actually upset that Luke would just give Jackie everything.

So last Friday, I was the one to leave Anna with her mother because my fiancé was working late. I asked Jackie if she could give us back the apartment since we are 3 and I’m about to be his wife. She was a bit flustered so I apologized to her. Jackie said that I didn’t need to apologize and that I was right. She agreed that my question was reasonable.

When I got home I told Luke what happened. I felt that he got very angry but he just told me that if I ever brought up this subject again it was over between us. I started crying and asked why but he didn’t elaborate. He just said that if I ever brought up the subject it was over between us.

Very cold and calm. Luke went out and he came home 3 hours later. Jackie apparently told him that she was fine with moving out because he told me that if she did move out, it was over between us.

I don’t know what to do now. I’m confused. Luke is the only one who is against this idea. He probably wants me to convince his ex to stay in his apartment. I never meant anything malicious but Jackie living for free in my soon-to-be husband’s home is just weird.

What can I do now with this mess? I don't think my request is that out of the ordinary. We are a family now and soon on paper, too. Jackie is successful and she could afford something smaller for her and Anna. I don't know. Please don't be judgmental. I really need help.

OP offers more details about the apartment:

I know it looks bad. But it feels wrong that she lives in 152 square meters [~1,744 square feet] while we share 58 [~625 sq. ft.] outside of town. Even if it isn't about the money, it's about what this symbolizes. I don't know, it doesn't feel good.

Comment thread offering why the sister-in-law has any feelings about the apartment situation:

Redditor: Do you think he could have cheated on her and that's why they divorced? He gave her everything out of guilt?

OP: I asked him if he felt guilty about the divorce for some reason (didn't specify), he said no and changed the subject. From what I gathered from his family and friends, she was the one who wanted a divorce. And that's why my future in laws don't like her.

He didn't give it to her legally, everything is still his. She just lives there unbothered. We are also going to have a prenup when we get married.

OP edited the original post to add a later comment:

I don't know if it is OK to make a comment here: OK, so Lynn, a friend of my fiancé (the wife of his best friend Ben), recognized my post and contacted me. Luke is (probably) still in love with Jackie or has love for her even if it is not romantic. He cheated on her and she chose not to expose him for the sake of their daughter.

But this is why Luke gave Jackie everything. Because she didn't ruin his reputation. Now that Jackie wants to move out Luke is upset because I'm the reason. Thank you, Lynn, for telling me all this. I don't know what to do now. Should I confront him with this? I love him very much. He is my whole world. Now I at least know why he doesn't want to talk to me about his past.

"Update: My fiancé gave his ex wife his big apartment worth millions."

Hi! I wasn't sure if I was welcome here but since many showed support and still asked for an update I thought I might do one here even if it is too early. Thank you everyone who is asking. I hope you find this post because I can't answer you all.

The apartment is worth $3 million USD or maybe closer to 4 million even. Luke got it from his father. It has been in his family since the late 1800s-early 1900s. My fiancé is not rich by any means and we will never afford something this beautiful. That's why I wanted to know why Jackie lived there.

For the many who said it's for the kid's sake, this isn't true since Anna would still be living 1/2 time in that apartment. And that I'm not entitled to it, IS SHE?? Luke and I are planning to have a life together with many children. I find it very odd, therefore, that only one of his children would get that luxury. Judge me all you want. I appreciate the few adults who can see where I'm coming from. It just felt so unfair.

Now to Luke. I confronted him with all the information I got. I talked to Lynn. She and her husband Ben are the only people outside of Luke and Jackie who knew what happened. Luke slept with another girl at his close friend's bachelor party. He was drunk (no excuse) and it was a one time thing (no excuse either). His friend advised him not to tell the then very pregnant Jackie but Luke couldn't live with the guilt.

Jackie ended the marriage after 6 months. I must say that I felt disgusted by my fiancé hearing all that. I was crying the whole time. The disappointment I felt was enormous. Jackie chose to say that they were growing apart because she didn't want Anna to grow up resenting Luke or thinking less of him. Luke moved out and let Jackie have basically everything he owned, even his private savings.

I confronted Luke with all of this and asked him why he never told me any of it. That was on Wednesday when he had been distant and silent with me because I went to his ex wife (I bitterly regret that). He said it was because he was ashamed and has been living with regrets. He then told me that he was talking to a lawyer to legally give the apartment to Jackie. I was in shock and almost lost it.

I asked him why he didn't do it earlier. He said because he didn't think he needed to, but now Jackie wants to move out because she has been hearing rude comments from Luke's family and friends and my visit was the last straw. I asked him what about us and our children. Luke was confused, "What about us?"

I asked him if he thought it was fair to exclude his future children from this enormous fortune, and if it was fair that Jackie and her future family would share it with his biological daughter. He got very upset and told me that many people have great lives without any fortune.

The apartment was Jackie's. She made it her home. She renovated and decorated it to make it her dream home while they were engaged and newly married. Luke's dad loved Jackie and he was happy that she was getting it. Now, leaving it to her was the least he could do for her. I started crying and I asked him if he loved me and he said of course he did.

"More than her?" Luke said that it wasn't even comparable. Different times and different types of relationships and love. I asked him if he regretted what he did and if he could go back would he change it. He said, "Of course."

"Even if it meant we wouldn't meet?" He got upset and asked me why I'm pressuring him like this. He made a huge mistake and hurt many people. Of course if he had the chance, he would rectify it. And even for his own selfish reasons. At least so the guilt he is living with every day would go away.

I have been crying non-stop since. Luke told me that he loved me very much and that he is looking forward to our future but at the same time he is refusing to discuss his feelings, if there are any left, for Jackie. Sometimes I do believe that he loves me but sometimes I ask myself if he still had feelings for her. Romantic feelings. I have never felt anything suspicious when he is interacting with her.

They are very cordial and nice to each other. I never notice him flirting or anything yet Lynn told me that both she and Ben suspect that my fiancé and his ex still love each other deeply, and that they always thought Luke and Jackie would end up back together once the hurt has lessened. It has been 6 years now and the fact that Jackie hasn't been in a relationship makes me uncomfortable.

And the fact that she is getting something she has no right to. Like she is stealing my dreams and future. I think I'm going mad. Luke is still very mad at me for going against his wishes and is very distant with me. But he admitted that he feels better now that he doesn't have his big secret between us anymore. He told me that maybe it was time for people to know what he really was, even his child.

I'm not planning to expose him however. It isn't my secret. Sorry, I thought I would make it short but I guess once my emotions took over I couldn't stop. I will read this later and edit any mistakes. Now I'm sitting in our crappy kitchen holding back tears and watching him in his own silent world making us his famous roasted apple and mandarin chicken with root vegetables.

Edit: Someone mentioned that I needed to include this. We are signing a prenup when we are getting married. This is something we discussed and agreed on long before the engagement. Luke had a prenup with Jackie, too. I put this information in my early comments in my first post but I guess I need to put it here too. End of edit.

"I have confronted my fiancé now."

I told Luke that he needed to be frank. If his ex tried to get him back now would he agree? He said that I was losing my marbles, on the verge of being obsessive, and that he won't engage in this madness. I asked him again and his answer was that she would never take him back because she's forgiven him and moved on. I asked again and he said that he would choose me.

I'm not sure why he didn't just tell me this. I'm going mad with suspicion. I love him but I don't want to be his sloppy seconds.

"I'm devastated, I am about to do something really stupid. but I need to know for sure. once and for all or I'm going mad."

So now I have had lunch with Luke's close friend's wife. Let's call her Susan. Yesterday she had invited over one of Jackie's friends, Kareena, someone they have as a mutual friend. Susan asked Kareena about Jackie and they started gossiping. Kareena told Susan that Jackie never speaks about my fiancé. Neither positive or negative talk. She just doesn't mention him.

She doesn't confide in anyone about her feelings or when she has a man in her life. She avoids this subject all together when asked. So really we know nothing about Jackie's true feelings about Luke. But there was something else. I met Luke 3 years ago. For the first year it was kind of a secret since we didn't want to make it official until it was serious.

He was especially careful with how he would introduce a new woman to his daughter. I totally understood and gave him time. I enjoyed being just the two of us. During that year, Jackie reached out to Luke and told him that she wanted another child. She asked if Luke could be her donor since she was single and wasn't looking for a relationship, also so her children would have the same parents.

My fiancé AGREED. When Susan was telling me all this I was shocked. Later Jackie found out that he was dating when she saw us at a restaurant. She changed her mind about having him as a donor. Luke was devastated and told her that him being in a relationship wouldn't change anything and that he wanted Anna to have a sibling. But Jackie said no.

That was around the time we made it public and I got to meet Anna. I don't know what to do with this information. I mean I know we weren't properly a couple but what he did was so wrong IMO. I can't stop crying. Susan offered to pose as Jackie and ask him for a second chance. I need to do this to know his real feelings because he will never tell me the truth.

And for those who think just leave him - I can't. Not if there's the smallest chance that he would choose me. I can't spend my life wondering what if. I love him deeply and before all this started I never had any doubts that he loved me too.

The plan now is to change Susan's name in Luke's phone and copy the last few texts he has with Jackie. Hopefully he wouldn't notice the dates. We have already decided on what to say to make Luke confess. Wish me luck even if you don't agree with my methods.

"Last update for today, I want to thank you."

I didn't go through with my plan that made so much sense this morning while I was concocting it. Thank you to the people who messaged and chatted with me to advise me not to do it. You were right. Posing as my fiancé's ex would have ended the relationship no matter if Luke had chosen me or Jackie.

I know it is unhealthy to be this obsessive but I just can't accept being second or a consolation prize! Anyway, I called Susan and told her that I wasn't going through with the plan and that I was gonna have to find a new way to make sure of Luke's true feelings. I don't know why Susan is so invested, why she wanted to help me this badly.

Maybe she truly cares about me and doesn't want me to be someone's second choice, or maybe she is just a bored wife looking for gossip. Either way she found another way to help me.

Luke meets his friends every Sunday, sometimes twice a week, to practice (he is a drummer). Today Susan's husband was sick so he didn't meet the guys. Anyway, Susan took her husband's phone and started texting Luke.

She told him "My wife Susan had some girlfriends over yesterday and one of them is Kareena. She had a lot to say about Jackie." Susan said that Luke answered very quickly asking about Jackie.

Anyway she sent me the text conversation. Susan (pretending to be her husband Ed) told Luke that Kareena had said that Jackie had regrets about the divorce and still loved Luke. So Susan asked Luke if he still had feelings for Jackie and if he could consider giving their marriage a second shot.

Luke asked who he thought was Ed why he would ask something like this and told Ed that he thought Ed never really liked "my wife" (Luke still calls Jackie "my wife"). Susan as Ed answered that it didn't matter what Ed thought of Jackie, what was important was what Luke thought.

Luke: You forget that I'm engaged, what about Isabel?

Susan/"Ed": Do you love her?

Luke: Of course, why would I be engaged to her?

Susan/"Ed": And Jackie?

Luke: What is this? Why are you asking? You know something?

Susan/"Ed": Depends on what you will answer me

Luke: ED What the hell are you not telling me?


Luke: You know I would Ed why are you asking this?

Susan/"Ed": So you still love her?

Luke: You know I do, tell me what you know?

Susan/"Ed": More than Isabel

Luke: YES FFS! You know I love my wife, What is this? What's going on? Did she say anything?

Susan stopped texting my fiancé and sent me the screens. Luke is still not home. Susan said he tried to call twice and then sent:

Luke: You really know if Jackie wants us to get back together

Luke: why are you not answering?

Luke: Hello?

Luke: Did she say anything? You know I have been waiting for this.

Luke: Hello? pick up!!!!!

Luke: I Can't do this, You need to tell me. I cant do this to Isabel. Call me asap.

Luke: HELLO?

Now I know for sure and I can't stop crying. I can't believe I wasted 3 years and so much love, my hopes and dreams on a man that used me like this. I knew nobody in their right mind would give away so much to someone without having any feelings. I hate him. I hate them. I hate myself and I hate all the hate I have been getting here. Screw everybody.

The next day, she shared this update:

"He just apologized to me. He is not even sorry it's over. How could I have been this worthless to him?"

I have told my fiancé, well ex-fiancé everything. That Susan was the one talking to him. Luke wasn't even angry at me. He just nodded and said that he suspected something was off since he knew Jackie and that she wouldn't forgive him.

I told him that it was over and he nodded again and said this is for the better. He apologized for hurting me but he thought this was better for both of us. He said he really cared about me but that it was a mistake to think he was ready to move on because he never stopped loving her. I told him to shut up and that I didn't want to hear it. He apologized again. He is not even sorry his engagement is off.

I have moved into the living room and I'm starting to look for my own place. He said that he could leave the apartment for me until I find my own space but that's not wise since he has his daughter every other week. I don't want him to be homeless.

I haven't stopped crying since this all started over a week ago. How my life just turned upside down and how he is already cool with not being with me anymore. I feel worthless. Thank you for listening.

And then four days later, she wrote:

I feel fine. We have arranged it so the living room is now my room and we share the kitchen and bathroom area. I have apologized to Jackie via text about asking her to move out. She said she was sorry that it was over between Luke and I. She said her daughter is gonna miss me.

Susan and Ed are good. I don't know what kind of trash are lurking here with fragile relationships that they would think/believe/wish for them to separate. Susan knows her husband and her marriage, and I'm happy she was there for me to cut the crap my fiancé was making me live through.

Sources: Reddit
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