'AITA for commenting on my partner’s hairline when he comments about my weight?' UPDATED

It's normal to gain weight after growing and giving birth to a baby, but that sadly doesn't stop some people from commenting on it.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she was wrong for commenting on her partner's balding after he made a comment about her weight. She wrote:

"AITA for commenting on my partner’s lack of a hairline when he keeps making comments about my weight?"

We had a daughter last year and I’ve put on about 30 pounds. Now, even though I’ve gained weight, I don’t think I’m fat. My legs have just gotten thicker. Anyways, he keeps making comments saying that I haven’t stopped eating since I’ve gotten pregnant. Yesterday, I was preparing a bottle for our daughter when he said “ why don’t you move out the way, you don’t see you’re big’.

He tried to play it off after and said he was just talking about my butt. It really hurt my feelings so I said “ at least a fat person can lose weight but your hair is never gonna grow back”. For context, he’s 27 but the front of his hair and the middle have thinned out a lot. He’s very self-conscious about it to the point that he won’t leave the house without a hat and he’ll turn back around if he realizes he forgot to take it with him.

He’s been angry at me since I made the comment but I felt like if he keeps talking about my weight, then I can talk about his hairline. So AITA?

Redditors had plenty to say.

HRProf2020 wrote:

ESH-why are you two being so mean to each other? Has he always been negative about your appearance or is this something new? You have a young child-are you both sleep-deprived and snarly maybe? Whatever it is, you need to get to the bottom of it and stop sniping at each other. It's not fair to you or your daughter.

OP responded:

No he hasn’t always been like this. Overall, he’s usually loving and not mean spirited. He just keeps making these little comments about my weight, even though he knows that I’m insecure about the weight gain and that Im actively trying to lose it.

Sheysea wrote:

NTA. I will however say that shooting back and stooping to his level will not solve your conflict. He needs to be made to understand that comments about your weight are neither funny nor welcome. They are hurtful.

And if he can’t get that into his head and respect that, then you need to face the fact that you have a partner that would rather spend his energy putting you down and fighting about it, than be respectful and considerate of your feelings.

AuthorMia wrote:

NTA - if he can dish out insults, he can take them when they’re thrown right back at him. He sounds like a loser who’s obsessed with skinny women. Pregnancy changes a woman’s body, but he’s clearly still a little boy who doesn’t understand that. You can lose the weight and regain your pre-pregnancy body but it still won’t ever look 100% the same as it did before and he sounds too immature to understand that.

But the problem here is that he thinks he can make comments that upset you and that you won’t or shouldn’t do it back. He’s a hypocrite for that and a raging AH too.

midorilemontea wrote:

NTA, golden rule, treat others the way you want to be treated, he wanted to be mean so you can be like him.

After receiving a good deal of feedback, OP jumped on with an update:

Edit: I see a lot of people in the comments asking if I gained the weight after the pregnancy. It was during the pregnancy. People are also saying I can control my weight and I should be going to the gym. I do work out when I have the time. Finding time to go to the gym is very different for a father than it is for a mother.

Yes, I know two wrongs don’t make a right and when I calmed down, I realized I should’ve handled it in a better way. Thanks for all the feedback.

OP is NTA here, but they're going to need to figure out a healthier communication style if they want this dynamic to resolve or evolve.