Man asks GF to support him while he's unemployed, she says 'no, you haven't proposed.'

Nothing throws a wrench in an already tense relationship dynamic quite like financial stress.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for asking his GF to support him while he's unemployed. He wrote:

"AITA for expecting my GF to support me while I’m unemployed?"

I lost my job 4 months ago and EI doesn’t cover my full living expenses. I had to buy a car since mine had 330,000 km on it and the engine issue was worth fixing. After that, I had couple thousand saved and that has been completely wiped out and now I’m not able to cover all my expenses.

I asked my GF to help cover my expenses and she has refused because I didn’t propose before this. We had been dating for 3 years and moved in for 2. She had told me 3 dates in she expected to be engaged in about 2 years of dating and is very unhappy with me because I didn’t propose.

I’m sure she's the one, I’m just still hesitant about marriage and she's told me she's trying to get over the fact she wasted 3 years with me. I told her to give me time and she's thankfully not pushed it. This was shortly before my work announced they were cutting people and I was let go. Now she says I’m expecting too much from her since I’m not ready for marriage but expecting her to help me with rent.

We have been dating for 3 years doesn’t that count for something?! If it was a year in I understand if it was too early but we have been together for a long time. But she told it was meaningless because I haven’t proposed and she refuses to help me as I could just decide I don’t want marriage and bail at any time.

I could have bailed at any time while dating and still can bail after we get engaged but I didn’t and I won’t. We have been serious for a long time, why is the ring and marriage all that matters?! I’ve told her since she won’t help it’s shown me she isn’t serious too and she told me it’s fine we can just end the lease and I can go back to live with family if I can’t afford rent here.

I’m getting interview requests back and did an interview already although I didn’t get it, it’s crazy to me she would waste 3 years over covering a bit more rent and groceries.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

ThisIsTheCaptain wrote:

YTA. Y'all are a f#$king train wreck. If you live together and she doesn't help cover your portion of the rent, doesn't that also mean she will be evicted? Seems like an inconvenient hill to die on. That being said, your bills are your responsibility. If you weren't living together, she would have zero responsibility to cover you.

As impractical as a "2-year-mark proposal" is, she was up-front about it and her desire to get married. And I can see from her perspective that it just doesn't feel like you're committed to her so why should she invest her hard-earned money into you at this point? You're expecting everything without giving anything.

"We have been serious for a long time, why is the ring and marriage all that matter?!"

Don't get me wrong, I see where you're coming from here. This stuff matters very little to me - but, for that reason, I didn't date people who had a "walk down the aisle" goal. You can't hold her desire to get married against her when you went into this KNOWING that was her goal.

That's on you. Seems like you went into this not taking her deadline seriously or thinking she'd changed her mind, now being all "Well, shucks" when you're faced with the reality she wasn't playing around. What did you expect?

canvasshoes2 wrote:

YTA. You're wanting to have your cake and eat it too. You're getting all the perks of being married with none of the security or teamwork for her. THAT is why she mentioned the marriage thing. She's being expected to carry you but you're not in it for the long haul. Get an interim job. There has got to be a McDonald's or the like somewhere nearby that you can supplement your UE with.

I don't know about where you live but you can usually make up to a certain amount without it cutting into your UE. Act like a grown-up and pull your own weight.

petmama1234567 wrote:

Lol. She’s not going to support you if she isn’t married to you. I think it’s funny you BOUGHT A CAR whilst unemployed and then expect her to cover your bills. YTA.

Rachel1578 wrote:

YTA. She is indeed correct. There is a difference between being involved and being engaged. Moving to engaged means there is at least a promise of marriage versus we live together. Especially since she made it clear upfront she wants marriage. If you’re so sure, why are you hesitant? Why haven’t you gotten even something minimum wage? Most McDonald’s hire anyone. She is completely right.

You need to show your intentions. I would never cover expenses for a man I wasn’t at least engaged and planning the wedding with. Especially after four months of unemployment. Find something, ANYTHING, to tide you over until something more your forte comes along.

I spent five months working Walmart asset protection while I looked around for my current position. Did I like it? No. Did it pay the bills so I didn’t become homeless? Yes. And I worked 40hr/week and still made time to find a new job that I liked better.

MasterGas9570 wrote:

YTA. You expect her to take on the responsibilities of taking care of you, while also telling her that you aren’t sure you want a full commitment with her. Why on earth would she pay for you knowing you haven’t decided to stay with her. She’s smart.

Too many people take on the expenses of a partner with no recourse when the relationship ends. Don’t propose now just for the money, that would be a disaster of an idea.

OP is TA here, he needs to pony up the commitment if he wants her to pony up the cash.