'My boyfriend said he wishes he was with my sister, now he's claiming it's a joke.' MAJOR UPDATE
Few things will send a shiver down your spine quite like hearing your partner is attracted to your sibling.
In a popular post on the True Off My Chest subreddit, a woman shared a disturbing conversation with her boyfriend that started to unravel the relationship.
"My boyfriend said he wishes he was with my sister."
I (23F) have been with my BF (26M) for about four years. I met him through my sister (27F) who’s been his best friend since freshman year. She’s a lesbian, and getting married to her girlfriend in October. Me and her have always been close, the usual sibling stuff. Sometimes we fought but always resolved it because she’s my best friend.
Our parents have always been supportive of both of us, and when she came out our parents basically said “oh ya, we know. When can we meet her?” I've always had some issues with guys getting close to me for my sister, because she is the “prettier” and more outgoing between us, but she’s always helped me build up my confidence. (And made jokes about me becoming lesbian to avoid awkward guys).
My boyfriend always flattered me, told me how I’m his one and only, how he can’t wait to start a family with me, all that stuff. He was my first kiss, the one I lost my virginity to, all the cliché hallmark movie stuff. Well last night, after we had finished having s*x, he randomly said, “you know, sometimes I pretend when we’re f*cking that I’m with your sister.”
He saw the way I looked at him I guess and immediately backpedaled, saying “a few years ago, not anymore, I don’t know why I said that I’m sorry” and kept apologizing and trying to make what he said less bad I guess. I asked him straight up if he was cheating on me with my sister and he denied it, saying that he was “just high off the s*x” and didn’t know why he said that because it wasn’t true.
I’m currently at my sister and her girlfriend’s apartment, sobbing my eyes out because I don’t know what I did wrong. I thought I had finally found a guy who liked ME, not my sister but I was wrong. I feel like I’ve thrown out years of my life for him, for absolutely nothing.
He’s been blowing up my phone, and at first it was “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it, come back babe” but now he’s saying stuff like “I knew you were the crazy one, you can’t take a joke”
I feel like I don’t even know my boyfriend anymore.
Redditors had a lot to say.
JooJooBeeNYCgirl wrote:
You are definitely not the crazy one that can’t take a joke. He is crazy to think that what he said was okay...it was hurtful and absolutely a shit thing to say. I’m sorry but you deserve better.
OP responded:
I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to do at this point. My parents have been hinting he’s asked about proposing, and everything felt like it was going perfect until the other day
BrickBiscotti wrote:
Sheesh what an AH, I also don't think there's any coming back from that one. I'm sorry OP but at least he showed you his true colors before things got too serious, you’ll find someone who loves you for you.
You're not crazy at all, so don't even give that a second thought, that clearly wasn’t a joke and trust me I've said some out of pocket jokes but would never say something like that to my partner especially after sex. I know it hurts but if you have any respect for yourself you' ll end things with that loser! I'm very sorry and best of luck.
OP responded:
Thank you. I just don’t know if he WAS joking because he’s always made dark humor about how me and my sister are just the same people but with different sexual preferences. I feel like there’s a chance he might have meant it in a funny way, and I just took it wrong but I really don’t know anymore.
One-Snow-6869 wrote:
That's messed up! Even 'high from the sex' family is always out of bounds.
OP responded:
I probably wouldn’t have minded if he was like “sometimes I pretend your Taylor Swift” or something, since we do sometimes joke about that stuff, OUTSIDE of the bedroom, but I feel like he went too far bringing my sister into it.
linerva wrote:
This. If it were me, I'd ALWAYS think I'm the back of my head that I was just the consolation prize. That he only married me to stay close to my sister. That every time we make love, he is imagining her (which is something he admitted to). That he only wants to have kids with me because he hopes they will be like my sister.
He's admitted that he's obsessed with the sister after YEARS. He can never be trusted to be honest at this point. The dude has been nursing an unrequited obsession with a lesbian who has never wanted him, for YEARS. You cannot fix this. The only sane option is to break up with him and find a man who loves you for you.
OP responded:
Thank you, I’ve written out around a hundred texts breaking up with him, accusing him of cheating, asking why he did that, but I haven’t sent any because I’m kind of hoping it’s just a bad dream.
Independent_Toe3934 wrote:
I'm confused; what does cheating have to do with what happened? He's an absolute tool and you should definitely dump him, but why do you keep bringing cheating into the conversation? There doesn't need to be cheating for you to be upset by what happened. You can dump someone for any reason, including what happened here.
Also saying " you finally found someone" when you started dating as teens and he's the only person it sounds like you've actually dated is...nonsense. You're super young. You can find plenty of people who won't pretend you're your sister while f$%king you. And marriage? For f$%k's sake. What a dumb idea to even consider.
OP responded:
He’s been accusing me of cheating over text, so I’m not sure if he’s projecting or my paranoid brain is getting the better or me.
ChequeredTrousers wrote:
Info: what is your sister saying about his behaviour? What is her fiancée saying??
OP responded:
She’s already went over with her GF and both of them cussed him out. Both are pissed and told me to dump him.
Hyde1997 wrote:
EEH as a lesbian this made me cross my legs so tightly. so sick of thinking you've met a decent guy only for it to turn out they've been wanting to have s*x with you this whole time! There's something about not wanting them that they like. Anyway, back to the important thing here: you. I know your self-esteem probably isn't the best but I'd bet you're gorgeous too!!!
Pretty rare for both siblings to not be attractive. you're so young and I know it's hard to believe because of the trauma, but I really do believe somebody is out there for you that will pick YOU. Everybody has a different type and I can guarantee that you're the perfect one for somebody. You're 24! You have so many opportunities ahead of you.
I know it's hard not to be sad and mourn this relationship but you're going to be okay, even better than you were before without him.
OP responded:
As a bisexual, when he said that I felt myself dry up and die inside tbh 😭
Maybe it’s time to just go look for a female partner.
Four days later, OP posted an update.
Well, I met up with my boyfriend at our apartment a day after my first post, along with my sister and her GF (who I’ll be calling Mel). He immediately asked why we were having an “intervention” and interrupting his game night. I asked him to turn the computer off and come to the living room, and then minutes later he did, after finishing a Fortnite match.
I asked him if what he said he actually meant, and he asked my sister and her GF to leave, so they went into the kitchen. He said he didn’t mean it, and he already forgot it happened, even though I haven’t been home in 4 days. I told him to pack his s$%t and leave, and he refused, and got up to do who knows what. My sister and Mel came in, and told him to go.
He again refused, saying it was “his house”. I asked where his name was on the rent and he said it didn’t matter because he lived there. So, I took the initiative (for once in my life, yay me 😅) and went into our room, pulled out a duffel bag and started packing for him. My ex started following me, getting panicked and saying he would pack but to just leave the room so he could.
Well, I didn’t trust him with my stuff as I have a lot of antique jewelry and stuff (I’m a thrifty gal, what can I say?) which I definitely didn’t want him to take. In the bottom of the duffel bag was several condom wrappers and unopened ones. No, we never put our condom trash into a duffel bag after s*x. No, didn’t loan it to a friend. “Whatever could have happened?”
You may be wondering, grasping your phone in anticipation. The answer? He’s a cheating PoS. He saw I found it and claimed he was sleeping WITH MY SISTER, you know, my LESBIAN SISTER? THAT sister. Mel, me, and my sister told him to cut the BS and he had 5 minutes to pack before we called the cops. And my sister, the lesbian, said if anything was missing, we would file a report.
After he left to who knows where, me and the girls had a cry fest (okay, just me) and my sister kept telling me she would never sleep with anyone I was with, male or not, which I obviously believe. He’s been blowing up my phone, my sister's phone, Mel’s phone (idk how he got it?) with him saying he’s homeless and he wants me back, or wants my sister, and calling Mel a “f**king sinner wh*re”.
He’s been blocked, and hopefully out of our lives for good. Thank you guys for giving me the support and strength to leave him, it means a lot that strangers I never have met would care. Stay safe everyone! ♥♥♥
Redditors were deeply invested in the update.
DependentKey6192 wrote:
F**k that guy, glad you’re out of that relationship.
OP responded:
Thank you! And I am too, it hurt for a bit which is why I didn’t update immediately, but now I feel like a weight is off my shoulders. Plus, now I get to redecorate my apartment without him vetoing any color or plants!!!
Choice_Bid_7941 wrote:
Proud of you for having enough self respect to not give him another chance. Rock on queen. Is there any chance he has a set of keys to the apartment? If so, you need to have the locks changed. Also get some in-home cameras for your rooms and the door. I wouldn’t put it past him to try breaking in to get more stuff/enact revenge.
OP responded:
I'm changing the locks today! I installed a cheap master lock on the door (real secure, I know 😅) so until then that should work!
Dear_Parsnip_6802 wrote:
Tell him to go and stay with one of his affair partners.
OP responded:
He’s blocked, but his mom called and she was NOT happy about what she heard from me 😅
Apparently she’s debating disowning him, so another win for me tbh.
Decent-River5623 wrote:
I think you all are reading it wrong on the he wants her or her sister. I believe this really backs up that he WAS sleeping with her or did a couple of times. That she is a lesbian would not preclude this, I sleep with one every few years who has been married for well over a decade. (with her wife's approval).
How this REALLY bolsters his initial claim that it was her, no hesitation and instant claim mind you, is that he is obviously not even close to smart enough to call her and her sister asking to be with one of them if he DIDN'T sleep with both.
C'mon, he isn't that good, it is the simple answer that is always most likely. The sister did sleep with him. That is occum's razor right there and his actions really back up such a conclusion. I'm sorry, but that is the true logical conclusion from the information given, all emotions aside.
OP responded:
My sister definitely wouldn’t. She has trauma from men, in any s*xual or romantic way. Not going to air out her business, but she’s been in therapy since she was 11, if that says anything. She’s went from panic attacks even being in school around peers to disliking being one on one with men.
tinamadinspired wrote:
I'm sorry what? How was he able to hide his hideous self from all of you esp your sis he knew since freshman year? Not judging any of you, just maybe need some pointers ✌😅. Also, maybe add to my already long list of red flags to watch out for.
I hope you find yourself someone who sees the beauty in you.
OP responded:
Rose tinted glasses I guess. When I met he was charming, kind and sweet, but I guess he just knew what I wanted to hear.
While breakups are never ideal, it sounds like OP is off to greener pastures.