'AITA for telling my GF to ask to be adopted by the couple she is so obsessed with?'

"AITA for telling my GF to ask to be adopted by the couple she is so obsessed with?"

My girlfriend Katie made a new friend a few months ago, Mary. Katie talked about her a lot, Mary said this, did that, started teaching her something, etc. I thought it was a bit weird how much Katie seemed to look up to Mary, but I didn't think much of it until Mary's husband, Joe, entered the picture too.

From then on, Katie talked about their relationship all the time. How they do things, how they divide the chores, how respectful are they to each other. Basically how they are just the best couple ever.

I've met them too, and they are honestly nothing special, maybe a bit on the boring side even.

Yesterday evening Katie was once again going on about them, saying things like Mary and Joe are true soulmates and theirs is the healthiest relationship she had ever seen, blablabla.

I had a really f*&^%$g long day at work, so I told her I don't want to hear about them. I don't care about her creepy crush on this random a*s couple, but if she likes them so much, she should go and ask them to adopt her or ask if she can be their third.

Katie then gave me the cold shoulder and left to go home to her apartment instead of sleeping at my place like she was supposed to. I need to know if I'm right and her obsession is creepy or if I'm not seeing something right and I'm the a-hole here. AITA?

What do you think? What is the nature of her 'obsession'? Is she a creepster, or just unsatisfied?

RayWencube says:

YTA -- my friend, she's trying to tell you what she wants out of your relationship without hurting you or making you feel defensive.

welliiooooo agrees:

OP YTA! I hope Mary and Joe can help guide your girlfriend to realize she needs to leave you. I hope she finds a very nice man one day and they have a very 'boring' healthy relationship.

BlaineTog writes:

Yeah dude, YTA, like obviously. Even if we were to agree with you that your girlfriend was being creepy, you shot her down in the rudest possible way. You also missed the obvious subtext she was trying to communicate to you: 'These people have the kind of relationship I would like to have with you, and we should be taking notes.'

Which, of course, makes me wonder whether your girlfriend is just thinking long-term or if there are factors in your current relationship that aren't going the way way she needs them to go. Do you get this snippy all the time, or just when your girlfriend is trying to unobtrusively communicate her wants and needs to you?

mfruitfly thinks:

This sounds annoying, but the response to that is 'you talk about them a lot, what is going on.' Or even 'you talk about them a lot and their relationship, and it feels like you are doing that to put me/our relationship down in a passive/aggressive way.'

The response is not to go full Pee Wee Herman on your girlfriend, and that makes you the only AH in this story. You gave her no warning this bothered you, so I can't even give this an ESH (everyone sucks here) because we don't know why she talks about them so much.

But Marcuse0 found the ESH ruling appropriate:

ESH (Everyone sucks here). I get that people are accurately identifying that Katie is hinting at what she wants, but this places OP in a difficult conundrum. If he takes the hint and acts on it, she's going to think that pestering her bf about unrelated things all the time works, and honestly I couldn't live my life being perpetually griped at by proxy by someone.

Katie should open her mouth and say what she wants. Hints and vague suggestions are manipulative. On the other hand, OP is showing he doesn't give a f*ck about what Katie wants.

At any time he could have said 'why are you speaking about this couple so highly, is that what you want from our relationship?' and engage her in a proper conversation about what she needs and wants. It would show respect for her and if she still refuses to engage she can't then complain he doesn't get the hint.

OP is ignorant. Katie is manipulating instead of speaking plainly. All of this can be solved with decent communication.

Then TheSuperAlly lays it all out:

YTA. I’ve not read anything in your post that amounts to “obsession” just seems to me she’s excited to have new friends, admires their relationship and maybe she would like to have similar in her own relationship with you. Such as how they divide labour and treat each other.

You’ve taken this as a slight against your honour, why? Is it because maybe you realise your relationship will change now she’s seen what a healthy relationship looks like?

If she’s got any sense she’ll see that as the huge red flag it is and dump your ass. You are upset because your jealous, selfish and realising that she can do better than you, so instead of trying being a better partner you’ve decided to insult her and her friends.