Wife asks man to sleep in other room because snoring will wake baby, he says no. AITA?
Few things can tear a couple apart as fast as different sleep schedules, particularly when you're already suffering sleep deprivation from a baby.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for refusing to sleep in another room due to his snoring. He wrote:
"AITA for refusing to go in another room so my fiancé and the baby could sleep alone?"
My fiancé "Jen" (29f) just gave birth to our daughter two months ago. She strictly breastfeeds, so as you can imagine, she gets far less sleep than I do. During the day I help with changing or holding her but all feedings are up to Jen (the baby outright refuses a bottle- we have tried several times, but ultimately we are both okay with this). Anyways, I'm kind of an independent start-up video game developer.
I did make one video game two years ago but it honestly wasn't that great. So while I do get revenue from it, it's definitely not much or even a livable wage. This time around however I'm working with four other people and the game is turning out great. I also work a 9-5. But after getting home, having dinner with my fiancé, and looking after the baby for awhile, I jump on and work on the game.
For the past 2-3 nights I have been up til 1-2am working on the game and I have been ultra tired. I snore like a maniac when I'm tired. It's super embarrassing because I truly sound like a mack truck. But yesterday the baby had her 2 months shots and she was so fussy. Cried way more than normal. It was super hard for my fiancé to get her to sleep.
I finally went to bed around 2am and my fiancé immediately asked me to sleep on the couch so I wouldn't wake the baby with my snoring. I said no. I was so tired and the couch is not comfortable at all. I had to work early. I wanted to sleep. She didn't fight it but she called me a "f#$king prick" and walked out of the room with the baby.
I woke up this morning to the baby in the crib in the nursery and my fiancé asleep on the floor with no pillows/blankets. She still won't talk to me.
The internet jumped on with all of their thoughts.
BatpigMama wrote:
YTA and anyone who voted you NTA because being “two new stressed out parent” is also an AH. Do they know what combo is required for a breastfeeding mother to keep & maintain a milk supply. Sleep, not stress, proper diet, and water. The man knows he snores, and snores hard.
He willingly stayed awake to work on a video game that is NOT his primary income until 2am KNOWING he needed to be up for his full-time primary job early in the morning. HE MADE THAT CHOICE. willingly. While he KNEW his daughter got shots and was in a fussy mood, his wife struggled to get the baby down once already.
So he goes in the room and starts snoring and then wakes the baby, and refuses to leave when asked because “he's tired”…aww boo hoo, poor you. Your wife has no choice to be up with the baby, feed the baby Etc …. You had a choice to go to bed early and you chose not to.
That aside, are you aware of the % of accidents, baby drops, heightened risk of ppa/ppd that a new mother goes through when sleep-deprived…
Hazel_4355 wrote:
YTA. Also, what do you mean by helping by changing diapers? It’s your responsibility as a parent. Just like you can’t babysit your own kids.
Complex-Astronaut789 wrote:
You are so much TA that I am furious on her behalf. It’s a choice for you to stay up late working in this game. It’s not your primary income, it might become something or it might now but it’s a choice. You know you snore. Your wife is right, you are a P. You should be ashamed.
GoddessofMadness wrote:
YTA do not pass go, do not collect $200. I exclusively breast fed my eldest because they would NOT take a bottle and for the first year I was tethered to that baby 24/7. My EX acted like you did, and oh look, he’s my ex. Get your head out of your a$$.
Illustrious_Desk_756 wrote:
YTA. You might work, and you might be trying hard to make this game thing go…but she’s lost her entire life as she knew it (except you obviously), her identity, her freedom, her sleep, and…her body. It’s really traumatizing trying to go through a transformation, but also, keep a human alive, and be sleep deprived, and have to fight with your partner for support.
Roses, her favourite chocolate and a bag of groceries to cook her favourite meal tonight dude, as a minimum. Also run the bath and ask if she would like her feet massaged. You might do this once a week as well as pitching in more with YOUR baby…watch your relationship turn around ?
OP is clearly a giant AH, and if he doesn't listen to the internet and course correct, it could spiral into serious relationship problems.