'AITA for not prepping my BF's meals while I am doing chemotherapy?'
Striking balance in a relationship is difficult no matter what.
But it's extra hard during times of sickness and struggle. When one partner is going through illness and managing the symptoms of something as major as cancer treatment, it's going to throw a wrench in what's considered a 'normal' routine.
Nonetheless, some people take a lot longer to accept and recognize this than others, which can cause serious issues when a relationship needs peace and understanding the most.
In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a woman asked if she's wrong for not wanting to meal prep while going through chemo.
She wrote:
AITA for saying no to meal prepping my boyfriend’s meals while I am doing chemotherapy?
I (31F) currently have a rare cancer called Synovial sarcoma and have been undergoing Ifosfamide chemotherapy since the beginning of January. I do 8 hours in the cancer center, 5 days a week, every three weeks. Treatments are very taxing on my body, mostly nausea and extreme fatigue among other side effects.
My boyfriend (24M) asked me the night before my next chemo cycle if I would meal prep his meals for him. I was hesitant and didn’t want to flat out just say no because he is very sensitive and starts arguments often, so I said it would depend how I feel but I thought it would be better if I did it in a week and half when I felt recovered from this chemo cycle.
He was insistent and kept asking if I could “just try” and wasn’t taking no for an answer. I started to become agitated because if I’m being honest, I want to feel coddled and taken care of during this time in my life, not pushed to do chores. It’s not as if he was asking for a single meal, he wanted his entire week’s worth of food made by me after being in the hospital for 10 hours.
For reference, he works early mornings and gets out in the early afternoon. It’s not as if he is so busy he cannot do this himself. I think his point is that he still wants to be taken care of as well, which is understandable, but it’s not as if I never do anything for him. Whenever he is at my place I offer any food I have on hand, will cook meals, or make a sandwich depending on the day.
I rub and massage him when we are on the couch, ask about himself and his life ect (in other words it’s not like our entire lives are about me and my sickness) Also, I didn’t straight out refuse to make his meals, I just offered to make them when I knew I would feel better. He blew up on me saying acts of service is his love language and that our relationship is one-sided.
He went on and on sending angry texts. I didn’t argue back too much because I’m not much for arguing. He doesn’t even do that much for me. He takes out my trash when I ask him to and gives me massages when my body hurts (and I do appreciate those things, I have never complained).
People did NOT hold back their thoughts on the nature of OP's relationship.
Emperor-Clothes2323 wrote:
NTA. Girl, run. You have cancer and all he can think about is himself.
ItsaBeanGo wrote:
NTA. This relationship sounds borderline dangerous and already manipulative. cancer treatments are HARSH. Then recovery, that's just as difficult. there's an old saying, you know who your true friends are when you are broke, in jail, or sick. You are fighting a DEADLY disease.
If anything, he should be the one helping you out. You do not need this additional stressor while you are battling cancer (and the treatments) as it will heavily affect your ability to get through this.
You mentioned how he is quick to argue, which you try to avoid. So not only are you dealing with your issue, but you are dealing with fear of 'hurting' or upsetting him. No. for your health and sanity, it may be best to end this now.
He does not seem to have the maturity to be a partner. Think about yourself/well being. I hope you have family/friends you can depend on. Having gone through this I wish the best for you (sending you some good vibes/hugs). Sometimes it's better to swim alone than to be dragged down to drown.
Tall_Minute492 wrote:
NTA. “I have cancer, and am undergoing one of the most debilitating medical treatments possible. One that literally kills people.”
“Ok, why don’t you go prep a week's worth of meals for me while I sit around the house. If you don’t, you don’t love me”
Is he really f**king being serious? I am actually second-guessing myself about whether this entire post is satire. That’s how f**king ridiculous this is. OP, what in the hell are you gaining from this relationship?
corgihuntress wrote:
You're f**%ing getting chemotherapy for cancer. You have more than enough on your plate and he can f**king well prep his own food. He's got no heart. NTA.