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Woman tells husband 'you ruined my birthday again,' he claims she's 'overreacting.'

Woman tells husband 'you ruined my birthday again,' he claims she's 'overreacting.'


There's nothing quite like the sinking disappointment of a birthday gone wrong, particularly when you've been open about how much it means to you.

The simplicity of a full day where you can relax and feel appreciated can go a long way, which is why it's so depressing when your life doesn't even allow for that. In these moments, it's always better to be honest with your loved ones about how you're feeling than to bottle it up. But that doesn't mean it's not awkward to get into the weeds.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a mom asked if she's wrong for telling her husband he ruined her special day, again.

She wrote:

AITA for telling my husband he ruined my birthday...again?

Background: Today is my 28th birthday, I am really into birthdays and holidays and believe in celebrating them to the max, and this is well known to everyone. I'm also the planner and the giver in not only my family (husband and kids) but my extended family (parents, siblings, friends, etc).

So I'm the one that plans birthday get-togethers, gifts, travel etc. I'm also a SAHM due to having a son with complex medical and behavioral needs. I've been with him 24/7 for the last week as it's school break and he's extremely clingy and has behavioral problems due to mental illnesses.

I also had a upper respiratory cold during this time, sore throat, fever, cough, runny nose, ear ache. But kept up with mom duties none the less. My husband's birthday was last month and as usual I planned something for him. Weekend in a town a couple hours away for us and our kids.

For my birthday I tell him I just want help with the kids, the house cleaned, a nap, and him to cook supper or take me out. Maybe a homemade gift from the kids and a cake. Yesterday, my husband starts complaining of a sore throat. I check his throat and looks fine. No fever or other symptoms. He stays up all night playing video games.

This morning he says he is sick, but has no visible symptoms. No fever, no cough, no runny nose, doesn't sound like someone with a cold. He says his throat hurts but spent an hour on XBox live talking just fine. He naps all day because he says he's sick, I think it's because he stayed up until 4 a.m. playing video games. Meanwhile, I make my own cake, take care of the kids as usual, and do my usual chores.

He didn't even tell me happy birthday. Finally, I decided to take the cake I made with the kids to my parents' house to have supper there so I didn't have to cook. I'm pretty crabby at this point and don't say a word before we leave. He calls and asks why we left.

I tell him because he ruined my birthday yet again and I'm trying to salvage it at least a little and hung up. He called back and said I was overreacting. He's sick and I'm an adult, birthdays aren't a big deal anymore after 21. So AITA for wanting 1 day to be the receiver instead of the giver? To celebrate myself?

People on Reddit swooped in with all of their thoughts.

negativewaterslide wrote:

NTA, he sounds inconsiderate and like he doesn’t even like you.

3Dog_Nitz wrote:

NTA. You did your job in communicating what you wanted. The fact that he did not show any concern for you shows a lot. Caregivers need care too! You did not ask for advice, but I want to suggest the following: Don't bother with his birthday.

Make plans on your birthday with others who are willing to celebrate you. You do not have to share your plans with him - he's irrelevant. Birthdays are 'nothing' to him, so your plans don't need to involve him in any way.

Finally...a belated happy birthday! Parenting is a thankless job, but it sounds like you are rocking it!

PreviousWerewolf1398 wrote:

NTA. Your husband sounds selfish AF if he can't even take one day, your BIRTHDAY nonetheless, to help around the house and with the kids. It honestly sounds like you're a parent to yet another child. On a brighter note, Happy Birthday OP!

BlackbirdNamedJude wrote:

NTA AND HOW COULD YOU EVEN THINK YOU WERE?! But where's your husband....I just wanna talk 😾. He's definitely the a**hole here. Happy birthday and send me a message with your amazon wishlist! If I can afford something I'm gonna make damn sure you have something good about today.

Vegetable-Bee-7545 wrote:

NTA. But stop doing things for people who don’t reciprocate your value (with the exceptions of your children). No more birthday parties for these lazy people. Let them do their own events. And start having him contribute to the house.

Your SAHM is duties is only til he comes home, after that it is a shared effort. If he has time to play video games, then he has time to help around the house. If he complains it’s cause he has a job, then you get a job (you deserve a break and daycare is better for a child’s development anyways).

Clearly, OP is the furthest from an AH, but her husband has some serious work to do.

Sources: Reddit
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