What kind of work are we talking about here exactly, though? Is finding your soulmate not a constant Moulin Rouge-style circus of heart-shaped bliss? So, when a Reddit user asked married people of the internet, 'What something you wish unmarried people knew?' people were ready to debunk marriage myths and share some valuable words of wisdom from married life.
It’s okay to use two blankets. No one likes to wake up with cold a*s cheeks because your spouse stole the blanket. - sparklingshanaya
This is a magic phrase: “Will you forgive me for ______?” My husband and I commonly use it for if we get irritated and snap at each other, but it works for most things. It’s an apology and an acknowledgment of what you did wrong all at once and it’s asking for forgiveness rather than expecting it with an “I’m sorry.”
Partners are going to disagree, have bad days, all that. If you stop feeling like a team, those things add up and turn into me vs you. So try to assume the best. If your spouse does something really annoying, maybe it’s because they weren’t thinking rather than maliciously trying to make your life harder. Give them the benefit of a doubt. - tenpercentofnothing
Your single problems will be your married problems. Marriage and your spouse can't fix you. Work on yourself as much as you can before you get married. For yourself and for your spouse. - happyharborgirl
You never marry a girl you marry her whole family. - Green-Mango-More
Marriage (and long term relationships in general) are a lot less work if done with the right person. It seems obvious, but looking through a lot of these comments, I'm seeing disasters of relationships leading to the idea that marriage is a ton of work, or that fights and insults are just something to be expected, or that you have to have a plan for therapy and constant apologies and reconciliation - my wife and I have none of this in our marriage. We're compatible: we enjoy each other's company, respect each other's boundaries, and get along easily.
It seems to me that the tricky part is finding the right person, so that you don't end up with the tricky part of averting divorce and disaster while married to the wrong person. I don't know that there are any magic bullets to that trick, but I can tell you that issues like sitting down with a marriage counselor or learning how to reconcile after a screaming match don't have to be part of navigating a marriage if you're not that incompatible to begin with. - CAustin3
Don't hide anything from your SO(secrets, behavior, opinions, tastes, plans, wishes, what turns you on/off). The longer you keep it, the more you'll see that it's not your real self and it gets harder is to get it out - pcatalunia
You don’t have to bankrupt yourself paying for a wedding. - daytodaze
It’s ok to do things or spend a full day doing stuff that you enjoy by yourself. - Present-Skill-4114
A gracious heartfelt apology goes a long way. - Iarmuman
Compromise is not a sign of weakness. It is done out of respect for your spouse. - Rich-Diamond-9006
Love is a choice. Once you choose to commit to your partner, choose to keep loving them. Choose to respond with love and compassion. Choose to put them first, and vice versa. There are definitely exceptions to this, like abuse and cheating.
If you go into marriage with a self-centered focus and telling yourself you can leave if things get hard, then you will. Marriage isn't transactional, where if they don't meet your needs 100% then you should leave.
Marriage really should be a partnership where you are both trying your best and recognizing that what your best is will vary based on your circumstances. - Dinonugget1801
Marriage changes nothing about a relationship. You’ll be exactly the same after marriage as you were before. Kids on the other hand…. - taylor52087
Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard. Get help if things seem too hard. My wife and I both carried a lot of childhood trauma into our marriage. A counselor helped is both understand that and gave us tools to handle it. We're would have divorced without the help. - Spidey209
Getting married WILL NOT help solve any issues in your relationship... - LoveBaby67
It’s not you vs spouse. It’s you and spouse vs problem. - Capital_Ad_2489
Marriage is extremely easy if you are with the right person. Find someone who you not only love but team with and it's easy. - SmartPomegranate4833
The wedding is just one day and does not fix any issues. It goes back to the exact same relationship afterwards. And if you're lucky, that's a good thing. - No_Yard_7363