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Husband’s secret affair breaks pregnant wife; 'I just hate myself.' (Final 10 month update)

Husband’s secret affair breaks pregnant wife; 'I just hate myself.' (Final 10 month update)


"the aftermath of being cheated on while pregnant"


warning that this post is long and obviously trigger warning for infidelity below this point - also I've never used reddit before and am not sure how it works beyond the stories I hear on tiktok, so this is an anonymous account for privacy reasons.

In April when I was 12 weeks pregnant, I found out that my (f28) husband (m28) had recently started cheating on me with a girl at his work and I still haven't gotten over it.

We've been married since summer of 2018, but together since summer of 2014. It's nearly our 9 year anniversary now, and I am currently 30 weeks pregnant with our first child.

I always thought that if my partner ever cheated on me, I would be out the door in a hurry because it's a type of disrespect I could never stand for. However, I never thought it would happen to me, let alone after I had put 8.5 years into this man.

Plus a house, two cars, two dogs, a cat, and a baby we both wanted for many years at that point. I know I am more sensitive right now due to the pregnancy but it's now August and I am so tired of waking up hurting every day.

After I found out, I confronted him and he admitted that he had started sleeping with her and at the time had done so 3 times. I was in my first trimester and he knew how sick I had been, literally spending all day every day throwing up (my morning sickness lasted until around dinner time, usually) and sleeping.

He has a job that has always kept him pretty busy, but he would always check in with me throughout the day. I work from home and am self employed (making much less money than him, but was something we had discussed in depth after the loss of my first pregnancy and agreed that me being home and dealing with the house and pets was something we should try.

Plus, we both wanted me to be a sahm for whenever we did have a baby, so while I make less, it was something we fully agreed on together.) When he would check in, it was always so sweet - he called me in between meetings, on the road driving any time he was free, and he would text me to announce his safe arrival every time he had to go anywhere.

It was never a burden that I asked for him to check in, because we both just naturally wanted to talk to each other all during free moments in the day, which is how our relationship had been for the entire duration. There was no asking at all really, it's just how it was with us.

I gave him another chance when I confronted him, because I was so blindsided. It didn't make sense to me, and now it still doesn't. But I was 12 weeks along with a baby I had been wishing for for years (we struggled with conceiving after our loss years ago) and I had a vision in my head of our family that I couldn't let go of.

We agreed that he would go into work and end it with her the next morning, which he didn't think would be an issue because it was "just sex" and they had no feelings involved.

Let it be known that this girl knew about me, and I had stopped in at his office many times for lunch visits with my husband, and he had photos of me on his computer/desk so there were constant reminders that I was real for the both of them.

He told me in later conversations that before the affair started, she would joke with him that I'm "too hot" for him, and she planned on stealing me away. She apparently is bi with a heavy lean towards women, and when my husband would talk about her before the affair, I was told she was a lesbian that he and all the guys at work (besides one) found highly unattractive.

What happened when he ended it with her, is I guess she took it alright, left, and then a few hours later came back and begged him to not leave her. He told me that she was crying and clinging to him, and there was something about abandonment issues that I truthfully did not care about, because I was his partner of almost 9 years and carrying his child.

He told me he had ended it though. Next, he went to get tested (there was no cross-over at all while this was going on) and he was clean. He showed me all test results, as this was an important stipulation, obviously.

For the next month, I watched him leave every morning and broke down as soon as he left - sometimes begging before he went to work for him to call in sick and stay home with me.

I was a wreck. We had a vacation planned from months before coming up in May, and I somehow thought it would be good for us to get away and just be the two of us.

I was counting down the seconds til that trip, keeping everything I was going through just to myself and quickly deteriorating. In that month, I lost 22 pounds because I could not eat, and every time I did, I would throw up.

My husband watched me in agony, a complete shell of who I once was, trying to grow our child and not being able to stomach food literally at all. It got so bad that my whole face broke out in what looked like hives from how hard my body was trying to throw up when there was nothing left inside me every day. Like little blood vessels popped all over my skin from sobbing and puking all day.

We went on our trip, and it was painful. There was good times, but also I was still so broken and had no trust in him. This whole month long period I felt something was still off, but he gave me access to his phone and I would check it in front of him, and also whenever he was asleep or in the shower just to be sure.

After the vacation, it got really, really bad for me. The intuition in my head that I felt back in April had never really went away, but it was so incredibly loud that I felt like I was going crazy.

He was telling me he loved me, reassuring me that it was really over with her, that he was going to be a good husband to me and the best father to our daughter, and no matter how much I wanted to believe him there was something in me telling me he was lying.

While he showered one morning, I went into the bathroom to pee and his phone was sitting on his pile of work clothes for when he got out. I grabbed it and brought it with me for while I peed, thinking it would be like every other time where I looked at his phone and found nothing.

Instead, in his whatsapp, there was a thread of messages with her from the night before. The day before was a long work day for him, something I dreaded even before the affair because being apart from him for crazy hours made me miss him, but knew there was no way to avoid.

I remember I had offered to bring him food for lunch (even though we lived an hour away from the office) and he told me not to worry about driving - that he'll bribe one of the guys into bringing him something so I didn't have to waste the gas money.

In reality, she was bringing him lunch and he was texting her about it at the same time he was texting me. Those texts haunt me so badly even now. She had told him "I miss youuuu" and he replied the same, so clearly they had only progressed more in the last month.

When she was bringing him lunch he told her "I just want you and a burger" and then there was some hours later messages where they laughed about getting everyone out of the office inconspicuously so they could be alone and she said "now I get to have you" and reading those messages, 16 weeks pregnant and first thing in the morning, quite literally made me want to die.

When confronted, he promised me that they didn't have sex even though it sounded like it would happen in those messages, but that he has still been sleeping with her. Just not that day, I guess.

This was back in May. I left him the next day, after I confronted him again and he admitted that he never actually stopped. He tried, and his story was half true he says - that when he spoke with her, she came back crying and begging.

Nothing happened that day, he swore to me, but that in his mind it was over then because in our initial conversation I told him I would give him a second chance but if he did this again I would leave him.

He counted this as doing it again, even though when he broke down and told me this, it sounded more like she came onto him while he was saying no, rather than him cheating another time.

But he didn't see it that way at the time and thought I'd leave if he told me, and figured he might as well not stop, if I was just going to find out and leave him in the long run because he had already messed up.

Now, fast-forward to August, I have been living alone since May. I left him the day after I found out the second time, going to stay with my aunt for a few days with my dogs.

I ended up coming back to the house and kicking him out, because it didn't seem fair to me that everyone besides him had to suffer (me being pregnant and hauling around two 6 year old dogs who are very used to being home-bodies and were confused and stopped eating due to the stress.

Plus our cat who is deeply bonded to me and is used to me being home with her all day, was now left alone while he was working for 10+ hours, and all of our animals are friends so it was really messed up for everyone but my husband who was the one who did the wrong thing anyways.)

So now I am 30 weeks pregnant, preparing to sell our house and move back into my dad's house (with the 3 animals and my daughter when she is born) and am still so, so hurt. I really felt like this man was the love of my life and my soulmate.

All of our friends who I've spoken to about our separation (I cannot afford a lawyer until the house sells, and I'm unfortunately a sorry excuse of a woman and sob whenever I think of the word divorce, even though I know that has to be one of the steps I take down the line*)* have been absolutely shocked due to how out of character this was of him.

We were known as the couple that could handle anything together. My family was the same way, because of how wonderful my husband was to me for 8.5 years. He was so emotionally supportive and sweet, and I like to think I was to him as well.

I lost my mom who was my best friend, and we together lost our first baby, and he dealt with going no contact with his mother, and we were truly each others rock for so long through all of those moment, just to name a few.

And I'm carrying his daughter, who I love deeply already. I know he hurt me and changed me as a person, but it's so incredibly hard to forget the years of happiness I had with him and see that they're seemingly over now.

The shitty thing is I would probably take him back if he came to me and said all the right things and made the right promises and made me believe him - but instead, I live alone while growing this baby and taking care of the animals we picked and have raised for 6 & 2 years together, dealing with this trauma by myself, and he is all but living with the girl he cheated on me with.

Every time I drive past his apartment, her car is there. Sometimes when even his car is gone. He promises that she doesn't have a key, and that when the baby is born she won't get in the way of him being a father (she hates children/babies, cats & dogs, so clearly she's a super great person on top of knowingly sleeping with a married man) but at this point it's been months of him knowing he's hurting me.

We're still publicly married. His family has no idea of any of this - only our mutual friends and my family know any of what's happened, though not with all the details I've put in this post.

I should mention that when I did come face to face with this girl (only once) she laughed at what she had done, and when I told her that she broke apart my family and took my daughter's father away before she was even born, she literally shrugged and muttered "yeah, I know" while looking so smug about it.

I only say this because I know people will say to not blame the affair partner, but only blame my husband who was the one who broke his vows to me, but I fully blame them both. She knew what she was doing, and so did he, and she seems to like knowing how "powerful" she was in this situation.

He tells me often that he doesn't want to end our relationship, but that right now he isn't right for me. That he cannot be who he was, because he messed up so badly that he doesn't know how to fix it.

Now he's going with monogamy just isn't for him, even though he and his affair partner are living together recreating the life we had, living very obviously in monogamy currently.

It hurts so much, because he's already replaced me with her - some 20 year old girl is sleeping beside my husband and having meals with him, and sitting in his passenger seat.

It just isn't how my life was supposed to go. I wish so much that I could stay firm on hating him, because trust me that I do, and I've had several hours over the last few months where I make sure he knows what he did to me and how much I hate him for ruining the woman I was before this betrayal.

But I also love him still, and I want the family I was all but promised - we couldn't get pregnant for nearly 3 years, and the month I did get pregnant I literally told him "if it doesn't happen for us, it doesn't happen.

I wanted to be a mom, but if it's not in the cards, I will come to terms with it and I know I can be fulfilled in our relationship without a baby" and then I shockingly did get pregnant and I felt like it was all falling into place finally. That we would be happy and us, like I pictured, but now with a little baby we both daydreamed about for years.

I'm really unsure how the internet works and I know this post is so long so no one probably read it, and I don't really know why I wrote it here anyway. I know in this situation he is in the wrong, and I don't need anyone to point it out to me.

And I also don't want anyone calling me names for still loving this man who has disrespected and mistreated me so immensely over the last 4 months. It's just coming up on our anniversary and I am desperately lonely in this quiet house that I now have to pack up all by myself and I wanted a place to put my feelings.

If you comment please be nice, I feel stupid and weak enough as it is. I've been with him since we were both barely 19, and moved straight from my childhood home into an apartment with him.

I've not spent a single adult year alone, and I'm just really sad all the time and don't know what to do. I try to go no contact with him, but we're selling a house & I'm in my third trimester with his baby. I just hate him, and I hate myself.

I want him to wake up and see what he's doing, but I don't think he ever will because he has to avoid the accountability of his actions. And it's not like I could ever trust him again anyways, but now I have to co-parent a child with him for the next several years and I don't feel strong enough for any of the future anymore. I don't get how he could do this to me.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's initial post:


I am so sorry, OP. My heart is so sore reading this. I know this is hard, but you seem so strong and you will get through this. Take the time to grieve the loss of your marriage and the dream you had of it.

I know you don't want any name calling of your husband but please don't take him back. His betrayal is just horrible his AP sounds evil. His comments about him not being monogamous and how you deserve better - he is only saying this to excuse his behaviour.

You do deserve better and one day he may realize what he did. You will be living your best life and he will be on the sidelines. Sending lots of hugs and wishing you strength and blessings.


'I'm a sad pregnant lady who doesn't know how to move on from my husband of nearly a decade cheating on me' You need to add in 'strong'. Seriously. You're super strong; deciding to leave is really hard and you've absolutely done the right thing here.

Things are going to seem bleak but they will get better. One day, it'll hurt less and then one day it won't hurt at all. He is the one losing here; he's thrown away a loyal partner and what could have been a happy family unit. All you've lost is someone you could never trust.

The OP responded here:


It's very hard for me to feel strong, because it seems like this is the only thing I can think about every day, so thank you. It's difficult to not be hard on myself in this situation, but I do think you're right! I know that he is the one losing here. I just wish my daughter could have the life we both wanted for her for so many years, but he decided to ruin it for her.


I genuinely think you're doing everything right. Your daughter deserves to grow up knowing that women do NOT have to put up with that.


I wanted you to know I read every word...You're a human being and nobody reasonable would expect you to be a robot. I left my relationship of 21 years almost 3 years ago, and even though I ended it for my own mental health and for my kids, and have a fantastic partner now, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't get a random thought about him.

The conversations we had, our routine, the dinners he cooked, the intimacy we had. All the family videos are still way in the back of my phones gallery still. Your feelings are completely normal, and it will get better I promise.

You are the main priority at the moment and you have to keep being strong to get yourself ready to move on and be there for your baby girl. The hard part is over, friend. And you survived it. You got this ❤️

10 months later, the OP returned with an update.

"the aftermath of being cheated on while pregnant [UPDATE 10 MONTHS LATER]"


If you don't want to read the whole post, the synopsis is essentially that my (F28) husband (M28) cheated on me after 8.5 years together while I was 12 weeks pregnant with our first child.

It's now June 11th and my daughter just turned 8 months old. My water broke and I drove myself to the hospital and then labored & gave birth alone. My daughter was born two weeks early only, and she was completely healthy and had no issues. She is doing AMAZING, and the love I have for her is so all encompassing that sometimes I don't even know what to do.

She's a great baby, and is so loved by not just myself, but my dad, my brothers, my aunt - she is adored by my whole family, and because we live with my dad, her birth has brought all of us together closer than we've been in a long, long time. I absolutely love being her mom.

My ex husband was served divorce papers in February by my dad, who volunteered to be the one to do it, and our divorce was finalized in May!! The way that my feelings for him changed almost in an instant after I had given birth to my daughter was shocking, but it was like as soon as she was born just the thought of this man disgusted me.

He visits for about an hour a week, once a week, and has done since she's been born. We have a parenting plan in the works but every time it's drawn up by my lawyer, he finds something else that's wrong with it and chooses to not sign.

It's been very irritating having to deal with this man who I once loved and now don't recognize, and watch as he pretends on social media that he is an active, attentive father when I've done quite literally everything for this baby and he does the barest minimum he can get away with.

This next part may be very shocking, but the girl he cheated on me with and moved into an apartment with directly from our marital home ended up cheating on him literally within the same week that our divorce finalized and she was kicked out of his place. It took about a year, but he did come back groveling after all, which was absolutely wild to me.

Now for the actual shocking part of this update: I have met a man!! After spending my entire pregnancy alone and heartbroken, I had sworn off men and relationships and then this one just kind of appeared in my life.

I have horrible trust issues now, and it's been really, really hard considering the deep betrayal that happened to me last year, but my boyfriend is the most gentle, calm, understanding guy I could have found.

We met when my daughter was two months old and he started taking me on little weekend dates for just a couple of hours at a time, and was always very considerate of me having a newborn (which he reassured me several times over that it was not an issue, and he actually has experience working with kids in the past) and then in March we had the conversation and defined the relationship.

In these 6 months, he has met my family and has become one of my daughter's favorite people. I've met his brother & sister in law and when his parents come into town later this month, he's introducing me and we're all getting dinner together.

I feel lucky to have this man in my life, and a stable father figure for my daughter, and I am really hoping he is actually who he's been showing me he is. Obviously when my ex husband came to apologize and cry for what he'd done to me, I was already very locked in with my boyfriend, but even if I hadn't been the answer would have been NO.

Our house has not yet sold, and I'm kind of losing my mind about it, but there's nothing to really be done to help that matter. I know this may sound like revenge corn, but I promise it's not!!

Karma has just been working hard for me and my little bean. My boyfriend dotes on us and makes me believe in love again; he is so handsome and so sweet and the complete opposite of who my ex husband ended up being.

I am really hoping he is a good egg, because I accidentally fell in love with him when I didn't mean to, but I do now know that I was strong enough to leave a marriage with a baby on the way so if he ends up screwing me over, I know I'll be strong enough to leave him too.

The fact that my ex's affair partner cheated on him absolutely tickles me, to be completely honest. I'm still living with my dad (+ my two dogs & cat that he abandoned me with during my pregnancy) but honestly it could absolutely be worse.

My dad helps as much as he can and loves his grandbaby so much, and it's been so sweet watching him turn into this absolute softie of a grandpa. I don't know if anyone remembers me/my post or if this update is necessary at all but!! Here it is!! I am big time not in love with the guy who cheated on me, left me, and is an absent father to the baby I grew all on my own and raise all on my own.

EDIT: I'm not sure why this post is not allowing comments anymore, even from myself!! Thank you to those of you who left lovely ones, and who messaged me because you couldn't comment lol maybe I'll do an update in a few years if anything needs updating.

Also, I realize I forgot to say, neither he or his affair partner stayed working at the same business for very long so after I gave birth and no longer needed his insurance, they both were not working there for me to report their relationship. My ex husband did make sure to take paid paternity leave and do nothing paternal with it, but no, I never got to report them to his boss.

So long as he stayed technically employed through the end of the year when my own insurance took over, it was more helpful to leave it alone. Anywho, thanks for all the love to me and my baby girl, and the well wishes with my boyfriend!! My reddit experience has been very nice because of all of y'all.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:


Yay! You not only landed on your feet, but he got a taste of his own medicine. A truly satisfying update.


Maybe because I'm the vengeful type, I would have told the company that two workers were having relations on company property. Especially after the affair partner laughed in her face.


It's really, really not surprising the AP cheated on him. She took great pleasure in "stealing" someone else's man. Once he wasn't some one else's man anymore, she was out the door.


I'm glad she got away from her husband but she let this new guy in with her daughter way too soon.


I don’t even think AP cheated just once, I think that’s just when dude found out lol no way a person like that stays committed to anyone for any amount of time.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit,Reddit
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