GF breaks up with partner over 'simple relationship test' she saw on TikTok. UPDATE

AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend over the orange peel theory?

What is the orange peel theory? I was scrolling on tik tok when I saw a post about the orange peel theory, which to sum it up is when you ask another person to do a small task for you, like peeling an orange or asking them to tie your shoes for you, both of these are tasks that you can do by yourself.

The real test is how they respond to you, if they respond with “you can do it yourself” “can’t you do that” “… I guess…” then they are not willing to do small tasks for you and will most likely fail to do larger task for you in the future.

However if they do it willingly or take the initiative to do it immediately then they pass in a way.

Now on to the situation, my boyfriend of 7 months was sitting in the couch when I saw the tik tok video explaining the theory, and I decided I should try it out.

Up to this point we were happy but now looking back on it I am not suprised by how he responded. I asked him to tie my hair up for me and he looked at me and asked me why I couldn’t do it.

At first I thought that maybe he was intimidated by my long hair, however he has had long hair in the past and knew how to tie it up. I asked him again thinking it was just a fluke but he told me that I could do it since I was in the kitchen and he needed to relax stating that he just got off work.

I know what y’all are thinking (let that man relax he just got off) y’all he works from home… and even if he was truly tired he has plenty of energy to play games and go out to the bar with his friends.

Regardless I honestly didn’t want to break up and thought it was dumb to throw a relationship away over a tik tok… well that was until later in the day when I asked him if he could toss a towel in the dryer so I could be warm when I got out of the shower since I forgot to do it myself.

Surprise surprise, he never did it and it just made me realize how much I do for him and his daughter that is not even mine!!! and I think I have fed, held, and changed her more than he has. So Reddit I ask you am I the AITAH if I go through with it.

Edit: Hello everyone thank you for listening to my post, I read what you guys are saying LOUD AND CLEAR and completely see where you guys are coming from.

I admit that I should not have taken advice from tik tok and that it showed immaturity to do so. However I disagree on the fact that what happend wasn’t a big deal. The method worked and made me see that I do a lot more for him than he does for me.

Our relationship is not going to end because of my towel not being warm or my hair not being up, but because I realize that I am just settling for a lazy man who doesn’t take me out, doesn’t help out with his baby and has no motivations in life except to live at his parents house, play video games and drink.

All while taking advantage of what I do for him. In my mind, since we are so new (7 months) these problems are foreshadowing what’s to come and I see no future with him or his baby. Again thank you everyone who took the time to read this.

Here were some of the top comments. Not everyone hated OP's choices. But the ones who did, really did.

Middle_Performance62

TikTok advice does seem a little strange, but sometimes approaching life in a different way can help take those rose colored glasses off a relationship. Maybe if more people took a different look at relationships, then divorce wouldn't be so high (this coming from someone who is divorced).

Sudden-Damage-5840

My husband will get me coffee or get up to turn off the light because I am comfy and don’t want to move.

He will do things for me even though I am completely capable of doing them.

My kids, I will bring them water to their bedrooms. I ask them to bring me water. Or bring them socks they forgot. Or get my husband a favorite snack from the store and leave on his desk.

Acts of service showing your loved ones that you love them.

I read the update and you dodged that bullet. He wants a nanny and bang maid and he hasn’t even put a ring on it.

He is beyond lazy and his mom enabled his behavior

GreenUnderstanding39

Step back and do nothing when it comes to his child. Let this man actually learn to parent instead of shirking his responsibility off on the women in his life.

Pitiful-raisin

This is laughable. I do small stuff for my husband all the time and vice versa, but if I’m sitting comfy on the couch and then he sits down and asks me for a drink??? Hell no get it yourself 😂 Having a relationship is not doing every little thing your partner asks when they ask.

SubjectRing5561

If your relationship is unbalanced, then you wouldn't be an AH for breaking up with him. It doesn't matter that it was a TikTok that made you realise how little he does for you compared to how much you do for him.

Ohhisup

OP you're getting so much hate but I feel you.

InPursuit

When you realised how much you do for him, did you ever consider communicating with him and asking for more? Or did you just enjoy playing games? If you don’t want to be with him and work on it then I absolutely support leaving, but you’re vaguely unhinged for this scenario if you haven’t left any info out.

thegloracle

... or... talk to him??

DrSnidely

Orange peel theory? Utter poppycock. I'm so glad I found my way out of the dating scene before tik tok became a thing.

A couple days later, OP already had an update for us.

Hello again Reddit fast update for you guys! First I would like to thank you for how brutally honest the comments were, and no I am not 12 I am 22.

I would also like to clear some things up. First off, I didn’t mean to make it seem like I was testing him like a crazy girlfriend who sets her boyfriend up for failure. I simply used the theory to see what he would do out of curiosity and came to the realization that I was giving 90% while he was giving 30% into the relationship.

The theory helped me take off my rose color tinted glasses and truly see just how much I am doing without an ounce of appreciation.

As for the ones saying that they would also refuse the small task as well this simply does not apply to me, if my partner asked me to tie his shoes I would be down on one knee, because I feel like it is a simple way to show love.

Previously I had never asked him to do something that I could do my self since I am relatively independent.

This was not the case for him since he uses me for almost everything (babysitter while he goes out, nighttime nanny, chef, cleaner, washing machine, chauffeur, ect.). as I took time to read the comments there was a lot of reflecting and I knew I had to talk to him and give him a chance to work this imbalance out.

I texted him and told him we needed to talk and he asked me for a ride to my house since his mom was out. I picked him up but to my surprise he had his baby, so I asked him if we could just stay in the driveway and talk.

He told me that he was hoping we could talk on the way, when I asked him on the way to what he told me that his buddy wanted to meet up for drinks, and I just lost it and told him to get out of my car.

I just let out everything I was thinking and feeling. He looked very confused but then changed his tune and stated blaming me saying that I waited too long to tell him this and that his daughter is already bonded to me (she is around 1).

I’m not sure what to do, I went home and my phone was filled with messages from his mom saying that I needed to step up and be “a good mom and future wife. the thing is, I DONT WANT TO BE EITHER!!!. lastly I know you guys don’t like the orange peel theory but I think I dodged a bullet. Or for the ones who feel bad for him, he dodged a bullet.

Here's how the commenters felt about the latest update.

Nowordsofitsown

"that his daughter is already bonded to me (she is around 1)"

"my boyfriend of 7 months"

Yeah you fix this by not making your girlfriend of less than a year your infant's caretaker in the first place.

Sweet_Cinnabon

Relationships aren't always even. But OOP was feeling like her emotional needs weren't being met.

She took the next responsible step and made a plan to talk to her boyfriend about it. That's what you do when you have a problem, you sit down and talk about it. Even when you don't believe they're will be a change, it's best to give them a chance.

Unfortunately, while the bf agreed to meet it appears his plan was to pawn the baby off on her while he went out with a friend.

Sorry, but when you schedule a time to talk about the relationship, and the other party won't take that seriously, what are your options except call it quits?

I'm not a fan of petty tests, but I'm a huge fan of the thinking it provoked in OOP. Better to leave a bad relationship earlier rather than later.

Beautiful-Affect9014

This test honestly reminds me of the sweater curse for crocheters. It’s a running joke that you don’t give someone you are dating a sweater because you are bound to break up. Well I think that the curse is real because it takes a lot of time, effort, and money to make something like that for someone.

What I think happens is the giftee responds in an unappreciative way and it cause the gifter to think about all the other things wrong in the relationship and then they end up breaking up.

This is definitely similar. I think it definitely is kind of ridiculous to break up over someone not willing to do a small task for you but I don’t think that’s the reason most people end up breaking up after this test.

I think the test causes the person to reevaluate their relationship and then they start to realize just how many things they’ve let slide or how unappreciative their partner has been all along.

Onahalladay

Remember the other day the girl asked her boyfriend (or was it fiancé) for that white wine and he brought back a glass for himself and not her.

This is the same wavelength.

ColeDelRio

I'm surprised she needed him to pass this test when it seems that he slacks duties of taking care of his own child on her should have been the bigger red flag.