Someecards Logo
ADVERTISING
Man fakes work trip in another city to avoid fiancée's family; she finds out. AITA?

Man fakes work trip in another city to avoid fiancée's family; she finds out. AITA?

ADVERTISING

A sad man came to Reddit's popular forum to ask strangers if he really f*cked up as badly as he fears:

'AITA (Am I the A-hole) for faking a work emergency to skip a party with my fiancé?'

Waste_Studio_2716 writes:

My fiancé (f27) and I (m30) have been dating for two years, we got engaged in new years eve. Our relationship is very good, really we don't have problems at all, we're thinking on getting married and are looking forward to marriage.

Well, her family lives away in another state, about five hours of distance. I don't have a problem with them, they're fine. Because of the distance we have only been able to met a couple times.

Well, about two months ago fiancé received a invitation to a baby shower for her cousin. She told me she was very excited because her and her cousin are close and it's her first baby. Of course I was invited too, I wasn't thrilled at all. I have only met this cousin a couple times, I have no interest on this baby.

Is that the point of going, though?

Originally I said yes, but then the week of the baby shower came and I wasn't feeling driving five hours at all.

So I told my fiancé that I had a work emergency and I needed to make a small trip, she didn't asked many questions so I was lucky for that. This was my friend's (m29) idea.

Some friends have bad ideas.

I told her that I will try to come back to go to the baby shower with her. And then my friend and I left. Then I called her and told her I won't be able to make it. So she went on her own, then I came back and everything was fine.

She never found out the truth until last week, my friend and his wife came over to our house to have dinner. Then his wife f*cked up and accidentally spoiled the truth. My fiancé then got angry at me because I lied.

Shocking!

After they left she asked me why didn't I just told her I didn't want to go to the baby shower with her, I told her I didn't want to hurt her feelings. We argued and now she's being distant.

So, is OP sorry his lie, or the fact that he got caught?

Here's what Reddit had to say...

Huge_Researcher7679 writes:

YTA (You're the a-hole) times a thousand.

1) Lying instead of being honest that you just didn’t want to go and covering it up by saying you “didn’t want to hurt her feelings”.

2) Saying “I have no interest in this baby” after your fiancé has expressed how excited she is. Who cares if you personally don’t have interest? She does, and her family was excited to have you there.

3) Her finding out from your friends wife so she was the only person not in the loop.

Do you actually like and respect your fiancé? Because lying to get out of spending what seems to be limited time with her family is so disrespectful and gross.

OP claims:

Of course I love her and I respect her! I just didn't want to hurt her feelings and I thought this was a white lie. I feel like she wouldn't have liked if I told her I wanted to skip the event, she would've been hurt.

steeke82 says:

To add: Letting your fiancée drive for 10 hours all by herself. This must have been a very very lonely and long drive for her. Not to mention a safety hazard.

Good_From_70 recaps:

'I lied to my fiance, tried lying some more, got pretty far with my lie, then my lie was discovered, and now I'm being called a liar. AITA?' One of the easiest YTAs I've ever seen someone have the balls to post. This bro is THIRTY and tried this.

Huge_Researcher7679 comments:

I would call off a wedding with a partner who lied to me about where they were for a weekend, especially if the reason for what was “I don’t care about your family”.

OP responds:

I think calling off the wedding is too extreme and I don't think she's really considering that. It's not I don't care about her family, but I really didn't feel like spending my weekend celebrating a baby from someone I don't even know.

BlakeSwag asks:

And he got to go on a trip??? OP hasn’t said where they went. If I found out my fiancé lied to me and went on an entirely different trip to get out of the one they were supposed to go on with me I would absolutely break off the wedding and move out. That is so incredibly selfish and hurtful!

And OP answers:

I went to another city, the main building of the company I work to is there. I stayed in the hotel the whole time.

Huge_Researcher7679 points out:

You know that for all she knows you spent the weekend f*cking another woman right? Since you can’t even be trusted to tell her you don’t care about seeing her family every once in a while?

The “I don’t want to hurt feelings” thing is bullsh*t. I say that as someone who struggled to get out of telling white lies to not hurt people I care about. What you don’t want is conflict and to be told that you’re being unsupportive and wrong for not wanting to go.

From OP:

Thinking that I was f*cking another woman would be very dumb because I went on my trip with my friend. I don't have problems with confrontation, of course I don't like it and I avoid it as everyone else I guess, I just dont want to hurt her like my dad used to hurt my mom and I thought that a white lie might do for this event... I didn't mean to hurt her at all.

Then he suggested bring her chocolates and flowers to make up for his lie...

Reddit shot that down pretty hard. OP continues:

I did similar white lies with my ex, too, but she never found out the truth, so I guess I was fine. And my mom was always in a good mood after my dad brought her flowers and chocolate so I thought I could use that too but I guess it's not a good idea, is it?

MeanderingCrafting responds:

Women aren't video game characters. You can't just throw gifts at us and expect your relationship points to go up. Giving a person a gift that they enjoy is a way to show that you're thinking about them, and that you know them well enough to give them something they like. That makes people happy. But it's not a cheat code to fixing fundamental trust and communication issues.

OP later updates his original post:

I spoke to my fiancé as some people suggested, I asked her to forgive me and told her about my parents. She knew very little about this, only that they used to fight all the time and they stayed together because of me, I told her about their fights and honestly I was embarrassed, but she was supportive.

And he goes into detail...

My parents used to fight a lot because my dad was 'brutally honest' and he would hurt my mom all the time, like he said he was honest but the truth is he was cruel. I saw that growing up and I guess in my head I thought that sometimes we have to lie to not hurt other people, which I know now that's not good either.

But I didn't realize before, I didn't want to tell her the truth (I didn't want to go to the baby shower) so I lied instead to protect her feelings and ended up hurting her more.

I told her I'll search for a therapist today, she told me she'll help me. She told me she's hurt, but she'll give me a chance to regain her trust if she can see I'm trying. I think this is the only time I've cried in front of her besides the day we got engaged.

Thank you for the comments, I'm glad I posted here, who knows how many times I would've hurt the ones I love if I didn't post here and got called out (rightfully).

So, there you have it!

Sometimes the echo chambers of Reddit can be used for good, after all! Let's all take a leaf from OP's book to listen to our (helpful) critics and learn from our mistakes.

Sources: Reddit
© Copyright 2024 Someecards, Inc

ADVERTISING
Featured Content