'AITA for catfishing my GF to test her loyalty since I've been cheated on before?' UPDATED

"AITAH for testing my girlfriend?"

Here's the original post:

I (26m) and Clara (fake name, 23f) have been dating for 3 years. I have been cheated on in past relationships, particularly in Highschool, and have had a tough time getting over it. Yes I know I should work through it and see a therapist, but I’m not sure I’m ready to uncover everything to a random stranger.

Anyways, Clara and I have a very incredible relationship. We like most of the same things and support eachother in the things we may not agree on all the time, we have an amazing intimate relationship and like the same things in the bedroom. All in all, I couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend.

However, I guess I was feeling especially insecure one day and felt almost as if it was too good to be true, as in the past my exes also seemed to be so perfect before it tragically fell down in infidelity.

While she was at work, I made a fake Instagram account and messaged her using an AI created face and texts asking her to do explicit things. It took some time, but she responded and denied the offers.

I’ll admit I got carried away playing the character of douchebag and got a little forceful and aggressive until she blocked me. I was proud of her for not cheating and for remaining loyal and thought nothing about it for the rest of the evening.

She came home that night and completely broke down and showed me texts that had awoken her PTSD from “some guy” on Instagram. I proceeded to pretend as if it wasn’t me and comforted her, though she didn’t seem to lighten up after that. I got frustrated and we had an argument and she called me an asshole for “expecting her to be okay immediately.” We slept it off and got over it.

Fast forward, a few weeks later, Clara was setting up a party for her sister and asked me to text her and get some details because it wouldn’t sound suspicious from me, I didn’t understand what she expected so I allowed her to do it on my behalf, and in doing so, she found the account and the messages and has since left and not returned.

She won’t return my calls, and has since sent her brothers to come pick up her stuff but they wont help me either. I have texted her and called her and left messages explaining that she was overreacting and she be more understanding of my situation considering I’ve been cheated on before and she hasn’t.

It’s really frustrating because it’s not like the guy on Instagram actually did anything to her, and she’s making it such a big deal. I’ve felt a little bit of remorse, because I miss her and want her back. So, AITA?

Do you think her reaction is justified? This is what top commenters had to say:

catfoodonmyshelf said:

YTA. You don’t even feel remorseful other than the fact you want her back. What exactly did you say when you got “carried away” and a “little forceful”?

BuilderKindly3658 said:

You’re a complete ahole. Work on your insecurities before you traumatize anyone else.

-feedbothwolves- said:

yes you are and you deserve her leaving and not coming back or reaching out.

WiseOwlPoker said:

YTA. Play stupid games and win stupid prizes. Congrats.

JoramH said:

Of course YTA, if you don’t see that, there’s a whole lot more you need to work on with your therapist. I’m sure your next GF will also be perfect as they all were, hopefully you will be too at that time /s

DoomForNoOne said:

"Yes I know I should work through it and see a therapist, but I’m not sure I’m ready to uncover everything to a random stranger." I'm pretty sure that you just don't want to work on yourself and deep down don't see yourself as the asshole you are. You just dislike the consequences of your assholery. YTA

Verdict: A unanimous YTA.

So, did he learn from this? A week after the original post, he shared this update:

First off, I would like to take the time to say thank you. I truthfully am grateful for the replies that each of you have given me. For a day or two, I’ll admit that it hurt that nobody agreed with me or anything. But because of that, it gave me time to reflect and realize how much of an issue it really was. It was rather eye-opening, personally. I have issues, and a lot of them and I need to get over them.

Now, to update on the situation. To the redditor that suggested therapy and expressed their genuine concern for me and advice, I thank you greatly (MysteriousText2005).

I decided to buckle down and get into therapy, and they wasted no time getting me in the following evening and even though I was very nervous, we got through it and I am going to be very frank here and say how embarrassed I was because of how much more helpful it was than I had anticipated.

As for my relationship with Clara, to be truthful, I accepted that I had lost Clara and ruined our relationship and was ready to walk the lonely road. However, a few days ago she reached out and expressed that she wanted to meet and talk for lunch.

We had a very deep conversation for the majority of the day, and it was incredibly healing for me. Admittedly, part of me wanted to say “Okay see, you’re all better now and don’t need the therapy.” But I knew that was the part of me that was scared. Also admittedly, I had expected for Clara to tell me that she was moving on.

Instead, she gave me a second chance that I feel that don’t deserve, but would be stupid to pass up on. I decided to take it a step further despite the nervousness I have about it and suggest couples counseling, which she loved the idea of. I’ve expressed my concerns, and she has understood. However, we both agree that this is really important and we want this to work.

I’m so grateful for the incredible amount of grace that I’ve been given, and will never make the mistake that I have made again. Thank you again for your help.

Clara may have been willing to forgive and forget. Commenters? Not so much.

NeverFailTheMayor said:

Wow. I would have NOT given this dude a second chance. Playing games and straight-up lying to and harrassing your SO as a "test"? I'm glad he's in therapy, but his can you ever trust someone like that again?

corduroyclementine said:

oof. “explaining she was overreacting” the guy is just brimming with empathy, huh /s

And I think we can all agree with Quicksilver1964, who said:

Oh no Clara, oh no