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'AITA for dumping my depressed GF after finding out she lied about being engaged?' UPDATED 3X

'AITA for dumping my depressed GF after finding out she lied about being engaged?' UPDATED 3X


"I blocked my (now ex) GF after finding out she was engaged and didn’t tell me.. but she is depressed right now"

Here's the original post, shared on "AITAH":

Just want to get this off my chest because this has been a whirlwind.

My now ex-gf (F28) recently distanced herself from me (M26) due to mental health issues. Of course, I was very concerned about this, and tried to stay supportive without pressuring her during a tough time in her life. We slowly stopped talking.

The relationship was newer, so I didn’t know her friends very well and decided to find their social media to see if I can stay in contact with them for updates on her well-being. My ex-gf had told me during our 6 months that she doesn’t use social media.

When I found her friends online, I also found out my ex DOES have social media and uses it regularly. To my surprise, I find out she has been engaged to someone since 2019. When checking public records, her fiance’s primary address was listed THE SAME AS HERS.

I was shocked and asked her about these things, despite her mental state. She denied the relationship and said they broke it off in 2020, to which I presented her with a photo of them in 2022. She told me she always lived alone and bought her place out of interest for seeing new areas (NOT LIVING WITH A FIANCE).

She said I was being crazy and said its none of my business. She told me to leave her alone and I said “gladly”, to which she wildly kept on talking. I think she panicked and realized she was losing part of her support system.

Part of me is shocked, happy, and relieved to have found the truth and GTFO of their before I get myself into a mess with this person, but part of me feels terrible for leaving her when she is struggling and most likely adding to it. I guess I will never know what the full truth is or if she was even struggling. Am I a terrible person for doing this?

Naturally, commenters assured him he is not a terrible person. Here are some of the top comments:

chaingun_samurai said:

"when she is struggling and most likely adding to it." Sounds like she's the one throwing herself in over her head and then expecting others to pull her out. She lied. She got caught. She isn't willing to face the consequences NTA

soph_lurk_2018 said:

Yes, I’m sure hiding a boyfriend from your fiancé is a struggle.

Dry-Candle-5916 said:

She gaslit and lied to you. That's messed up dude. Isolate and work on yourself and YOUR happiness. She dug her own hole by lying. Did you try and reach out to the fiancé?

[deleted] said:

NTA. She was lying to you, she was using you. All that mental health issue was some bs. She doesnt deserve your sympathy. Dont feel bad my brother just keep moving foward and just leave all this in the past.👍

And Fluffy_Vacation1332 said:

NTA- don’t get roped into into her $h!t show. in situations like this is one of the rare opportunities that you get to absolutely drop any semblance of duty to care because essentially you are a side piece.. you are not the primary partner.

You have to stop caring, and the only way to do that is to block her .. it’s not your responsibility to help her anymore, you will put your Mental Health at risk if you do

He then posted these two updates:

UPDATE: Did contact the fiance, will let you know whats happens if he responds

UPDATE#2: 24 hours later, fiance has not responded or hasn’t seen the message on his social media yet. Ex-gf deleted her social media account entirely with photos of them and info saying they were engaged.

She still has another social media account that is private and actively uses that I don’t have access to at this time. She has added 7 posts to it just this week. Will update again if fiance responds, not sure when that will be.

And a few days later, he posted this final update:

I contacted her fiance who filled me in on a lot of details. We decided to get on a phone call to sort things out. It turns out they were together while I was talking with her. They were even still together while I was visiting her place and she would hide all of his belongings (i.e. clothes, PC, pictures of them on the wall).

She would only let me come over when he was out of town for work or visiting his family. He said he never knew about me and she hid it very well. He also explained the following, they DID end up breaking off the engagement, but he broke it off because he caught her cheating with not one, but TWO other guys during their 5 year relationship- one of which happened right before she started talking to me.

She would send them messages, talk dirty, sext etc. She did the same thing with me. I also found out that the way I met her and the things she said to me are the EXACT SAME THINGS she told her fiance before they moved in together and got engaged. This girl told me that she wanted to get married and MOVE IN WITH ME JUST THE SAME WAY.

In addition to this, apparently the fiance met her while she had lived in another state and was in a relationship with someone in the army. She left her army boyfriend (who she met online, just like her fiance, and me) to be with this guy and move in with him. The fiance said he is not mad at me for any of this and was very chill and understanding, we both agreed that she is a crazy af.

So it turns out she does this consistently and has made a pattern of it. Almost as if she knows what she is going to do before it even happens. She knows all of the right things to say to get the guy emotionally attached to her and then she does whatever she wants once she knows she has them wrapped around her finger.

I guess once she gets bored with them or starts feeling guilty, she cuts it off and starts all over again with a new person and continues building on the lies of her past. THANK GOD I DODGED THIS TICKING TIME BOMB HOLY. I thought $h!t like this only happened in movies. This is seriously one messed up individual. I do not feel bad about blocking her at all anymore.


Sources: Reddit
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