Ex wanted guy there for the birth of her child; he went fishing instead. AITA?

'AITA for going fishing the day my ex was giving birth?'

u/Immediate_Way2944

I (M29) ended a relationship with this woman, Maria (F27), about 1.5 years ago. Our relationship was largely casual, and I made it abundantly clear to Maria that I didn't want a serious long-term relationship.

Maria agreed since we had such wildly different values and beliefs, but after being together for about 11 months she confessed that she wanted a serious relationship with the prospect of getting married. I declined, as I thought (and still think) we're way too different to start something like that.

We continued our relationship for a few more months when Maria brought up marriage and starting a family again. She started saying things like how her family and friends liked me as well and how we'd be a great fit. At this stage, I decided to break things off with Maria. I felt like we both wanted different things, and it was better if we went our separate ways.

Maria was devastated by our breakup and begged me to remain in contact, so I did, and we kept a decently close friendship for the past 1.5 years.

Since then, Maria's life has been through a downward spiral. She hasn't gotten into any serious relationships (she's been in many but they've only lasted 2 months at most and most of the guys were not very good), this lifestyle has caused a lot of friction with her parents, and she tells me she no longer speaks with them because of it.

Maria has also failed out of graduate school and has struggled to find work before finally landing a job she hates a few months ago.

One of the guys Maria was with got her pregnant at some point, and she was scheduled to give birth at some point last week. Leading up to the birth, Maria started calling me a lot, and she seemed very apprehensive.

She told me that she was terrified of becoming a mom. I tried to reassure her that she'd make a great mom, visited her several times in the past few months, and helped her out whenever I could.

Maria ended up giving birth last week, on the day I was going fishing with some of my old friends that I hadn't seen in a while. When I found out about the birth the following day (from one of Maria's friends), I called her and congratulated her. Maria sounded exhausted but was happy I called.

Later that week, I started getting a lot of messages from Maria's friends telling me how I should have been there since Maria was so afraid (none of her family showed up), and she was hoping I'd come. One of her friends (Katie F28) was particularly angry. She said that I needed to be more supportive of Maria since she felt alone and I was abusing the trust Maria had in me.

Honestly, I get helping out and being there for friends, but I feel like it wasn’t exactly my responsibility. Also, she had two of her other friends (Katie and another girl) with her on the day of the birth, so I don’t know what I could have added. AITA?

More Context - For those wondering, the father is back in Austria, and there is like a 60% chance he doesn't even know about the kid. All of Maria's friends know he's the dad but they just refer to him as "some asshole".

While I do want to maintain a cordial relationship with Maria, I have NO interest in raising her child. Even More Context - For those wondering, I knew the baby was supposed to be born last week. He was scheduled for Saturday but the little guy decided he wanted to come earlier so was born on Wednesday.

I left town Tuesday night and planned on coming back on Friday. The baby was born on Wednesday and I only found out on Thursday. I called Maria afterwards and congratulated her. I did not make any promises about being there for the kid's birth

Here's how the top comments went:

JosKarith

NTA - guarantee that she had this fantasy where you bonded with the kid and came back to her. Time to walk away

Federal-Ferret-970

Dude. Shes looking for a daddy. Id back away from the friendship. Forgot verdict since my comment got traction. NTA.

Meoverabarrell

NTA. Not your baby? Not your business. Poor Maria but this is not your problem. Block her overbearing friends.

SirWarm6983

Where was baby daddy? Next time one of her friends rips on you refer them to baby daddy.

OP:

He's an international student from Austria, he went back once his graduate program ended. So for all intents and purposes, she'll most likely be a single parent.

superflex

NTA, but dude be real. Maria totally wants to get back together and have you long term as a husband and father to her kid. Her friends know it and apparently the strategy of the moment is to guilt, shame and harass you towards a role & relationship that you don't want.

It seems like you think you're trying to be a good guy/good friend here, but if your and Maria's hopes and expectations for the future don't match, maybe it's time to rip off the bandage and walk away.

Haranicek

NTA it’s not your kid. You don’t owe her anything but you have been kind nonetheless.

Knittingfairy09113

NTA. People seem to think you're going to step in as a substitute father. I don't know if your ex has intentionally promoted this thought process or not, but I think backing away some would be a good idea.

Impressive-Bar-4004

You're not the AH. She has other friends that could be there for her, obviously, if they're mad at you, and you have a life.

Ok-Rip-2794

NTA wtf? You’re NOT the father! so why on earth would you be there? She already bullied and harassed you into staying friends with her. And now this?

You should not have given in in the first place and just cut contact with her completely.

It’s extremely inappropriate she got her friends to harass you. You should ask them why they weren’t there? Remind them that you are not the father and that you ended the situation you had going on a few years back and that she kept harassing you until you gave in just to be friends. And that if they care so much they are the ones that should’ve been there with her.

I think you should block all of them