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'AITA for not telling my boyfriend that I have a child?'

'AITA for not telling my boyfriend that I have a child?'


In a now deleted post user greenparties asked if she's wrong for not telling her boyfriend she has a child. Here's her story so you can judge...

I have been dating a guy for 10 months, it's getting pretty serious and we are even thinking about meeting each other's parents.

The problem is that.. I never told him I have a child. She lives in Bolivia with my sister, and I haven't seen her in 11 years. I don't feel like a mother at all. I talk to her maybe 2 to 3 times a year, birthday/christmas/important days. It felt right to not mention her, because she doesn't live with me.

But we were planning to go to Bolivia to meet my family, so my daughter too. They do not speak English, so I'd pretty much be the translator . So, I decided to tell him that I had a child back in my home country, but that it wouldn't change anything in our lives, that we could have our own family one day.

He got super p*ssed off, told me I deceived him, he's been ignoring for a week now. AITA?

Info from OP:

I don't feel like I deceived him, because she isn't here, I have no duties towards her.

There is no such thing as 'custody ' in the village where I am from. Families often live with each other. No. She isn't going to come live with me. I want to start all over. I love my boyfriend, want to marry him and have children.

From the comments:

The_circumstance writes:

NTA it was not information he had a right to have.

Also f**k the people calling this child abandonment. If one gives the child to be raised by a family member, making sure that child is cared for, that's enough. It's like an open adoption.

Many people in history did it and still do it. It's a far better option for the child than raising a child one despises because it ruined the chances one had in life. If OP was calling herself a mother you would be lying and would be condemned you by this sub as well .

greenparties OP responded:

Thank you so much. In addition, she still sees her dad, and he provides financial support. I come from a poor village.

whoknows_13492 writes:

INFO: do you provide her any financial support?

greenparties OP responded:

No. I do not. My sister does, and she hasn't asked me anything.

veg_head_86 writes:

YTA. I could potentially forgive the lie, but your attitude would end the relationship for me. You have no regret or empathy for your daughter. You didn't lie because of shame or pain, you lied because your child means nothing to you.

Your comments in this thread are so cold and disconnected, and if you said similar things to your boyfriend he will not be coming back.

greenparties OP responded:

So it would be better if I lied and pretended I love her and miss her ? The good thing about the internet is that I can say things I could never say IRL, because of social taboos. I am just telling the truth. I feel nothing for that little girl.

I am always super stressed when my sister calls me and says 'Come here talk to mama'. Because I know nothing about her. I am happy I had the chance to leave Bolivia, have a better life, and now I am ready and want to have children.

AhWhateverYo writes:

What happened to you that you wouldn't you want your daughter to come live with you? Why would you want to start another family without your daughter? What's the real story? YTA for waiting so long to tell your boyfriend about your daughter.

greenparties OP responded:

Ok. But be open-minded please. I got pregnant by a foreigner. Getting pregnant out of wedlock is a no-no in Bolivia. The man who got me pregnant married me, I gave birth, but he wanted to go back to his country ( Aka where I am now), I really didn't feel like raising a baby in a a country I didn't know.

The plan was to go with my ex, and once settled come back and bring the little girl back with me. But I got a job, got busy, got divorced, and I didn't feel any connection with her.

thecatinthemask writes:

It’s amazing that you think this makes you sound better.

greenparties OP responded:

Do parents who give their children up to adoption have to tell their partners they had a child?

Momofpeg writes:

No YOU ruined your relationship. How dare you act like it is your daughters fault. You don’t deserve to be her mother

greenparties OP responded:

I don't want to be her mother. So I am fine with that. It's everyone else who wants me to be her mother.

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