'AITA for refusing to take my boyfriend's daughter in?'
"AITA for refusing to take my boyfriend's daughter in?"
MeaningNo1525
My (F40) boyfriend Kirk (M39) and I are in very different situations in life. He just got fired from a job that his father got him and had decided that he wants to start a business. He doesn't know what type of business or what industry and is focusing on getting rich quick schemes.
I've tried to warn him but I'm not getting involved after he inferred that I just want to keep him from his success. Right now, he's doing gigs at a local theater, but he doesn't get called more than three days a week. I’m a business owner and I’m financially stable.
I care about him, but I feel like my love is fading. I know it sounds bad but right now, he looks like a potential liability. He recently got kicked out from his cousin's house. This took me by surprise because as far as I knew, he was still living in his old apartment.
He asked me to let his daughter (F16) stay over on his assigned weeks as per the shared custody agreement. I declined. I can’t have a minor basically come live with me without her mother’s knowledge.
He says he can’t move to MIL’s place because there's no space. I suggested he let his child stay with her mom until they can resume the shared custody schedule agreement, but he is dead set against it. He and his ex-wife have a horrible co-parenting relationship and I’m almost sure that she would drag him to court (one again).
I want no part of it, and I don’t want to be dragged into their enmity. I already had my own divorce/custody drama, and it got resolved years ago and I want zero action into his mess.
So he asked me to give his daughter a job at my company. So far, she worked for me on weekends (helping tidy up the office) but he stopped bringing her (or she stopped wanting the job). I paid her $60.
So now he asked me to help guide her into business ownership. I have no problem giving her tips, but she needs an education and I’m noticing that he doesn’t value that. It’s almost like he’s cutting corners with her and I don’t approve.
I like her, but he’s treating me like this potentially awesome thing (mentor, bridge, door opener) that happened to his kid without considering that he needs to instill values like responsibility and discipline.
She and I have a cordial relationship, but I cannot say that we are close. I recently tried to talk to him about our relationship. I stopped taking him on dates because he never returns the favor.
I told him we need to consider breaking up and he got very angry and made it all about me not wanting to take his daughter in, and made me feel like I’m this perverse, jealous stepmom who wants the kid to fail. All of his arguments revolved around me not being there for his kid when she needed me. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
darkenough812
Just break up with this loser and find someone who’s on the same level with you. This guy is at least 5 levels down.
committedlikethepig
Seriously. To recap:
-bf got fired from a job where his father put his own reputation on the line to get him a job.
-lied about having a place to stay
-wants to lie to the mother of his child about where their daughter is staying
-get rich quick schemes vs actually working and holding down a job
-trying to get daughter to follow get rich quick scheme
-doesn’t value daughters education
-tried to pawn daughter off on gf to spite the mother
-can’t communicate
That’s 8 levels down and still sinking. All I see is a leech.
LeaJadis
NTA. He’s pushing his guilt onto you.
Quelala
NTA. This guy is too much - what a drain. If you don’t want his child living in your home that’s your prerogative. Sounds like it might be a huge mess. I feel sorry for the daughter.
You should break up with him. It doesn’t matter if he thinks you are breaking up because of his daughter. People with his mentality will always find a way to turn the tables and be the victim. He sounds exhausting.
Wise-Process2364
Agree and on too of that, her mom will find out. It’s not an if it’s a when. OP will likely get in huge trouble, bearing in mind he and ex don’t have a good relationship, and he could be accused on things.
On top of that, daughter likely doesn’t want to live with her dads gf she isn’t even close to, and would likely tell her mom about it and say she’d rather stay with her. His plan is completely unfair and selfish.
Beautiful-Report58
You guys are not on the same page, at all. He’s asking for more and you’re pushing him away. It’s time to cut your losses and move on.
scottishmsmd
Nta he's failing at life and parenting and hoping his rich gf will pick up the slack and take care of him and his daughter, you're very smart for noticing these red flags and wanting out, he's trying to put the blame on you so he can call you the bad guy and not take responsibility for his failings.
EdumakatedIdiot
NTA. As with most things in life, trust your gut feeling. It’s seldom wrong.