Throwaway and English isn't my first language.
My (25F) bio parents died when I was 10 and my father's best friend (my parents for this story) took me in. He and his wife have been very good to me and are as good to me as my parents would have been.
They paid for my schooling right through uni, paid for my wedding, helped me whenever I needed them without ever asking or expecting anything in return. I have a 2 years old daughter who they babysit often. My daughter loves them and they consider her as their own.
They have a daughter who is a year older than I am and she never liked me moving into her home. My parents tried everything to get her to warm up to me including therapy but none of it worked.
Eventually, she was told that I am going to be here and she doesn't have to like it but needs to be civil. This strained their relationship a lot and we have very limited contact almost to the point where we are basically strangers.
Two weeks ago my dad had a health scare and had to be rushed to the hospital. They were looking after my "step sister's" kid at the time and she was out of town for a couple of days.
My mom calls me asks me to take the kid for a few hours while she figures out my father's situation and finds someone to take care of the kid.
Saying that I was distressed hearing about my father would be an understatement and I would do anything for them but I refused to take my step sister's kid in due to our history. I told my Mom as much and she said that she is the one asking for a favor and not my step sister.
I stood my ground and eventually she hung up. My step sister came back later that night and thankfully everything is now fine with my dad.
But ever since, my parents have been cold towards me, have canceled to babysit my daughter on two occasions and have been LC in general. I was venting to my husband and he said what else should I expect when I bailed on them when they needed me the most.
That got me thinking and this was first time my mom had asked anything of me and I didn't come through which makes me sad every time when I think about it.
So, Reddit - AITAH for not looking after my "step sister's" kid during an emergency?
YTA for not helping in a moment of crisis. while it's understandable that you have issues with your step-sis, this was an emergency situation where your parents needed your help.
they've supported you in so many ways over the years and this was a chance for you to step up and be there for them in a difficult time.
YTA. This was an emergency situation, okay? An. Emergency. Your mother asked you for a favor during an emergency. You failed your parents. Shame on you!
YTA. It was not for your sister. It was for your mom. Your mom who took you in and loved you as her own even though her daughter hated the change.
Where would you have gone after your parents passed if they would not have stepped up and not only provided the necessities to survive, but everything their bio kids had?
You said no to helping your mom in a crisis situation because you have a limited civil relationship with your step sister.
Your husband is right. What did you expect? You created what you consider your healthy boundary and now they have created theirs. You reap what you sow.
YTA. Your mom needed to be with your father and you are such a petty brat that you chose to F over the 2 people who had done so much for you. You didn’t F over your step sister. You F'd over your parents. Nice way to pay them back for all their kindness.
Yes. YTA. It was for them and the child, not her.
Based solely on this, maybe your “step sister” is justified in her dislike of you. I’m sorry for the loss of your parents, that must have been so difficult.
Honestly it sounds like your adoptive parents have overcompensated (easily done, when they have a grieving orphan to support), and by always prioritising your needs over those of their other daughter, they have ended up with a selfish, spoiled brat.
You seem completely unaware of how much turmoil it would have been for an 11 year old to suddenly have another child in the house, taking up her parents’ attention. They sacrificed their relationship with their own child in order to help you.
You claim you would “do anything” for them. Literally the only time they ask you to do something for them, you say no, because you’re too selfish to see anything beyond how it affects you. I hope they can repair the damage done to the relationship with their daughter.
YTA. Not sure how you can't see that this was a favour to your adoptive Mum and Dad. You stressed everyone out unnecessarily.
Also, those kids are part of your family and taking out your frustration at their Mum on them is an AH move too- are you going to ignore them at things like Christmases just because you don't like their Mum? Dick moves all round, buddy.
YTA- this was a true crisis and an opportunity for you to help alleviate your Mom’s burden by watching step sister’s child till her mom came home. No one was attempting to take advantage of you!
It’s disrespectful to your parents to refuse this request and honestly very petty too.
YTA. You say you would do anything for them but refused to watch the child for your mom for a few hours. You made the situation even more stressful for your mom. I can't believe you behaved in such a selfish and petty way towards people who have done so much for you.
Hopefully you will be able to apologize and make things right. It might not be possible though, there is a chance she won't ever think of you in the same way.
EDIT - I know I effed up and all I can now do is ask for forgiveness from my parents. I am going to go to their house in the afternoon today and apologize to them.
I understand that if they need space, I need to give it to them. Thank you all. I accept the judgment and I will try to do better.