'AITA for taking away VIP tickets from my girlfriend to give them to a kid?' UPDATED

"AITA for taking away VIP tickets from my girlfriend to give them to a kid?"

Here's the original post:

I (20M) got 3 VIP tickets to see an artist (popular person; won't be giving a name because I don’t want people asking me how I got them). The tickets were really hard to get, and I planned to take my girlfriend (20F) and cousin (14F) with me.

They’re both die hard fans of this artist, and I like the artist too. I told them both about it separately, and I remember telling my cousin that I had 3 tickets but not who they were for.

Turns out my cousin told her best friend (14F) that she could come with her too because I had an “extra ticket.” I found out when I found them at an event hosted by her father two weeks before the event, and they were just streaming the albums and watching music videos. The best friend was super excited and thanked me very much.

They were so happy, and I just couldn’t bring myself to look that kid in the eyes and tell her “NO, you can’t have it.” I knew that the friend had lost her mom and grandma a few months earlier, and I felt like I would be a horrible person for making her lose yet another thing that was important to her.

I thought about just letting my girlfriend take them, but my uncle and my mom both agreed absolutely not because they don’t know her that well. Okay, that is true. We’ve only dated for a few months.

After my uncle left, my mom said to either take my cousin and her friend or tell the friend she can’t come and take my girlfriend instead. It was a very difficult situation, and I didn’t want to hurt innocent kids’ feelings, so I made a hard decision and told my girlfriend she couldn’t come.

She was clearly upset but said she wasn’t. I had hyped up the whole event for a few weeks and she was so excited. She bought a new outfit, new jewelry, and practiced her makeup and even the things she’d say on the day of the meet.

I felt like crap the whole time I was watching her face fall and her trying to pretend it’s okay. My family says I did the right thing, and even she said that too, but I feel like trash and I feel like something shifted between me and my girl. AITA for what I did to my girl?

What do you think? This is what top commenters had to say about it:

siempre_maria said:

YTA. This should have been a teaching moment for your cousin. It was not appropriate for her to invite someone else without permission. Also, if YOU are inviting someone to an event, make it clear. Children have disappointments in life. That is part of growing up. ADULTS make adult decisions, and you did not make an adult decision. You need to fix it if you have any long term plans with your girlfriend.

Marzipan-Shepherdess said:

YTA, OP! But you did your GF a favor; now she knows that she can't count on you to keep your word to her, that she comes second place to some kid that YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW and that you're ready to ditch her when your whoppingly entitled cousin speaks for you and tells her friend that OF COURSE said friend can have YOUR "extra ticket".

Your GF know also knows that you don't have the spine to confront a 14 year old and tell her that no, she was never promised your third ticket, no, she should not have told her friend that she could have it, yes, she'll have to tell the friend herself and yes, the friend probably WILL be angry at her. And them's the breaks when you pull a stunt like that!

So, OP - are you STILL wondering why something has shifted between you and your GF?!

Mishy162 said:

YTA. Good luck with trying to make up for it. You bought something for your gf then took it away from her to give to some random kid who is not even a relative. You f'd up big time.

MomisTired12160926 said:

YTA and so is your cousin. I have a 13 year old, trust me, your cousin knew what she was doing. She is old enough to know that she needed to talk to you before inviting someone.

Your cousin invited her friend and then knew you were "too nice" to say no. She has "ask for forgiveness later" perfected. And the fact that your family didn't instantly say something to her when they know if wasn't hers to give shows that she has been allowed to act entitled for quite a while.

After reading the comments, he shared this update:

I’ve read a lot of the replies on my post, and I’ve finally made my decision.

I’ve felt like an AH this whole time, and everyone around me told me I wasn’t. I needed Reddit and all of you strangers to knock some sense into me, and I did what most of you told me to.

I’m taking my girlfriend to the event. My cousin isn’t going, and neither is her friend. I’m selling the other ticket, and it’s not like someone else isn’t dying to have it lol. I’ll use the money to buy something extra for my girlfriend too.

I talked to my cousin about it. I actually got back from her house a few minutes ago. There was screaming, crying, and her parents were angry too. Long story short, she said she acknowledged that there might’ve been someone else, but she thought she’d get away with it if she told me about her friend. She really wanted her friend to be happy after the traumatic events of her past, and she saw this as her chance.

I told her that I know what she did was with a good intention, but it affected other people by putting all of us in a difficult situation. It also wasn’t nice to intentionally play with my feelings after I did something nice for her. I told her that while it was unfortunate that her friend lost people close to her, this was not the way to erase her pain, especially if it inflicts pain on other innocent people.

I suggested that if she wants her friend to be happy so badly, then I can take her friend instead, but my cousin wouldn’t be getting the ticket. She was angry and told me that in that case, she’d rather have both of them not go. Guess she didn’t care all that much about her friend’s feelings. Also, she will have to break this news to her friend.

I’m going to apologize to my girlfriend soon and give her the ticket. I know she’d do the same for me.