Here's the original post:
I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for 2 years. We recently found out that we are expecting a baby, and we’re both excited about it. He has a best friend (27M) that got engaged to his fiancée (24F) over the summer, and they plan on getting married in May. He asked my boyfriend to be the best man (they’ve known each other since childhood).
Now here’s the conflict: the fiancée and I had a falling out last year. We used to be really close, but she pulled a complete 180 on me and went behind my back. When I confronted her about it back then, she looked completely confused and asked what she did and how she can fix it. I wanted to believe her but I felt that she should’ve known already why I was mad at her.
My boyfriend is still close to both his best friend and the fiancée to this day since he’s known them before dating me. He mentioned that he could bring me to the wedding in case something happens with my pregnancy. I told him that I wasn’t going to sit through and watch someone who betrayed me celebrate love.
My boyfriend understood that, but he told me that being the best man was very important to him. I lost it and told him that if I’m not going to the wedding, then he shouldn’t be his best man and should prioritize me and the baby. He dropped the conversation after that.
I told some of my friends this, and they said though the pregnancy is important for him to be attentive to, I should move on from the drama and let him be there for his best friend’s big day. I still stand firm because it’d be awkward with his fiancé if I went, and his best friend can find someone else to be his best man. AITA?
EDIT: since I forgot to add this, people came to me and said that the fiancé talked behind my back about something very personal to me at a bonfire last year. When I confronted her about it, she looked at me like I had no idea what I was talking about.
peysval said:
I cannot believe I’m having to make a Reddit account and do this. Cassie (if this is really you making this post, as this is all too coincidental), what did you think making a Reddit post would do? You didn’t think Eli and I would find this? We could’ve discussed this more in depth privately and compromise Dustin being in our wedding party, but you decided to take it to a public form. I’m honestly speechless.
FilthyDaemon said:
YTA. This is a HUGE red flag. For him, not for you. This is incredibly controlling on your part. If you don't want to go to the wedding, fine, but stop being a mico-manager of his friendships. This behavior will push him away and turn him and many other people against you in the long run.
Controlling isn't cute, and it's long term poison for a relationship. Book yourself a spa day on the day of and enjoy yourself, but don't do this. If you love this man, love him enough to let him be friends with his friend. Otherwise, you're going to find yourself in a co-parenting relationship with an ex.
NUT-me-SHELL said:
YTA. Wait a second. You claim the two of you had a falling out but also say she has no idea why you’re even angry at her - and you refused to tell her what she did. You can sit at home pregnant and pissy, but you have no right to tell your boyfriend he can’t be the best man in his best friends wedding.
peysval said:
I cannot believe I’m having to make a Reddit account and do this. Cassie (if this is really you making this post, as this is all too coincidental), what did you think making a Reddit post would do? You didn’t think Eli and I would find this? We could’ve discussed this more in depth privately and compromise Dustin being in our wedding party, but you decided to take it to a public form. I’m honestly speechless.
GoldenFrog14 said:
YTA. A big, self-centered asshole (and stop using your pregnancy as an excuse to justify it) Also, "she should’ve known already why I was mad at her"? Really?! Girl this happened in your mid-20s. Communicate and leave that teenage mindset behind
[deleted] said:
"I lost it and told him that if I’m not going to the wedding, then he shouldn’t be his best man and should prioritize me and the baby" The fact that your are pregnant doesn't mean you are the only thing important in his life.
He has totally the right to unglue himself from you and the baby once in a while. The drama is between you and the bride, just don't go, I am sure she won't miss you. But you can't control your bf. YTA.
SalaciousSapphic said:
YTA. When you have an opportunity to tell someone why you’re upset with them and you don’t because “they should already know why” you lose all moral standing. You sound terrible, tbh. I would love to chalk it up to pregnancy hormones but I don’t think that’s what’s going on.
Verdict: YTA.
UPDATE FROM MY SIDE: so. I will admit that I should not have exposed Cassie like that. I am an a-hole there. When Eli (my fiancé) saw this while scrolling through Reddit, he asked Dustin about it and then told me. I thought the only way to finally settle the drama was to comment so she can see it.
Again, I will admit that was wrong on my part. I have since privately messaged her to see if we can resolve this, but she has yet to respond. Eli would love to have Dustin as his best man, but we do not want to cause any further issues with Cassie.
As for those wondering what happened at the bonfire, I honestly wish I could remember exactly what I said, but there were lots of drinking involved and lots of stuff were revealed (my guess is that I was upset with her about something and needed to vent to someone about it, but I have always came to her when something was bothering me).
All I know is that I have been and still am willing to make amends with Cassie to where we can be civil with each other, even if our friendship is beyond repair at this point. I hate how this escalated, but like before, I just want to move on from all of this.
u/aitaconflicted1234, I’m sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused you. My dms are open if you want to settle this once and for all.
Thoughts??