Teen punished for catching sister's husband cheating; 'you ruined my marriage.' + Update
"AITA for telling my sister that her husband is having an affair?"
Financial_Olive_1586
I (17f) have a sister (25f) married to James (38m). This happened about a week ago. I was with my friend and we were having lunch in a restaurant. There we saw James with another woman. Normally I thought this was his friend but she was being very clingy.
It looked like they were on a date. The woman was whispering something in his ears. I felt disgusted. I wanted to confront him there but my friend said to lay low and start recording so that we can have proof. We recorded everything. After leaving the restaurant I went straight to my sister's place.
I sat her down and showed her the video. Instead of crying she got angry and started accusing me of ruining her marriage. She screamed profanities at me and said that I'm jealous of her. It is not true. I always want what's best for her.
I tried to explain my side and she kicked me out. I noticed that she blocked me everywhere. Yesterday my mom came into my and asked what did I do? My sister was pissed off and told mom that I was trying to break up her marriage. I told mom everything.
She was disappointed and said she will talk to her. I haven’t heard from her or James. My mom told me to not contact her now. My dad doesn’t know anything. I just don't know what I did wrong? I was only looking out for her. I was trying to be a good sister to her.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's initial post:
happy-in-love
people tend to not be rational about who they take their anger out on, doesnt mean you did anything wrong. theres even a phrase for this, "shooting the messenger."
zhibr
Sounds like the sister was already suspecting or knew something but decided not to act on it to save the marriage, and when OP showed the video that was directly against that goal. "You're trying to ruin my marriage" = "your evidence makes my desperate effort to save the marriage more difficult".
Pot_Unfortunate784
You told the truth to a highly emotionally invested person. But truth is better than covering for your sister's husband.
Statement_Embel
NTA, blood is thicker than water, always.
Shock-Crafty409
NTA - looks like she already knew and she kept quiet without confronting him (yes, people pretend that all is perfect).
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
"(Update)-AITA for telling my sister about her husband’s affair."
Financial_Olive_1586
If you remember I posted here yesterday. Just a short update.
Thank you for all the comments and support. And those of you who suggested that I should have sent her that video anonymously, I don’t think so. I mean she is my sister. I can expect her to believe me.
Anyway. Yesterday my sister came to our house with her bags. She had left James. I was in my room but was eavesdropping. My mother was consoling her while she cried.
As far as I know she will be divorcing James. Then she came into my room and apologized. She said that she already had suspicions when James was hiding his phone a lot. But my proof has made her suspicions come true.
She reacted badly. She wanted it to be false. Because she fought the entire world to be with him (really? That guy sis?). She even fought dad and dad was right about him. Dad warned her that he is manipulative and she is way too young to be married to him (she was 20). They were thinking about having children. I am glad she left him.
We talked for hours. This was the first time in 5 years we talked and spent time like this. I always felt that she distanced herself from us. And moreover I'm glad dad didn’t slap the “I told you so” on her face. He was extremely supportive of her decision to leave and never spoke about their fights they had before she got married. I am really happy. I got my sister back.
She and I had a sleepover, talked garbage about James and cried a lot. I am not mad at her anymore. I know what she did was wrong. But I get where she was coming from.
P. S. Dad did know about it. Mom told him the minute my sister called. I guess I was wrong about that. In fact it was dad who went to her house to help her pack things.
Here were the top rated comments from readers after the OP's update:
neanderbeast
You were a good sister and I can understand her lashing out to a degree, her whole life had been turned upside.
knittedjedi
"I'm glad dad didn’t slap the “I told you so” on her face. He was extremely supportive of her decision to leave and never spoke about their fights they had before she got married."
Absolutely gold star parenting here 🌟
rednewf1970
Tell dad a stranger said he’s a good dad. I had a good dad but not a good mom. She ruined my relationship with him. Your dad is a great dad. Hug your dad.
matchamagpie
It was easier for OP's sister to lash out in the moment than to accept the truth. Overall, a happy ending. OP did the right thing and eventually, it all worked out. Great ending.
Mivirian
People often vent their feelings on the "safest" target, instead of venting their feelings at the perpetrator. It's not an emotionally mature response, but it's common. I'm glad that OP's sister left her dirtbag husband, apologized to OP, and that their relationship appears to be unharmed.
roronoaSuge_nite
Congratulations on doing the right thing and on your sister doing the right thing also. You will find out that sometimes the heart overrules our brains, and we do stupid things for love. Your sister sounds like she realizes that and apologized. Some people never do! So I’m happy for you both!