When a fed-up woman came to Reddit for a little validation, she got a world of (sometimes harsh) advice from total strangers who felt very familiar with her situation. You decide who the A-hole is.
I (30 F) am beginning to hate my boyfriend’s (29 M) mom. It started last October when I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend not to tell anyone yet since until we get the ultrasounds for our baby. But we agreed to tell his mom as he insisted on it.
A few days later, I met with my aunts and one of them said I shouldn’t eat too much cause it would be hard to give birth when I get heavy. I was shocked because I haven’t told anyone from my side of the family yet.
I was devastated because I wanted to be the one to tell my family about my pregnancy when I was ready.
I asked my boyfriend if he found it weird that my aunts already know about my pregnancy and he brushed it off like it was a normal thing by saying, “oh mom must have mentioned it to them, don’t worry about it.'
A few days later my boyfriend and I got into an arguement about a vacation I booked for us months prior to finding out. I told him that we should still go since the flights were already booked and we can’t cancel or refund them. We can still go sight seeing at least before we get anchored down to the house with a baby.
He was strongly opposed to it and said that it’s best we stayed home and that I rest. Later in the day, my boyfriend’s mom calls me, to check in. I told her that everything was fine.
There was a lull and she mentioned that “it would be best that I stay home and rest until my baby is here and that I shouldn’t be wasting money on useless trips” I immediately wanted to to drop the call. I felt suffocated.
I confronted my boyfriend about it when he came from work. He told me he didn’t know how else to make me listen about not going to our trip and he told his mom that I was being stubborn.
I told him that we didn’t need anyone else’s opinion on how to live our life and that he shouldn’t be telling his mom private matters. Then that’s where I began to notice that every little thing I do, his mom would give me “motherly advice”, I got so stressed about it.
And then later on I found out that during they days when my boyfriend is at work, he and his mom are on the phone for 2 to 3 hours, catching up (ALMOST DAILY, he has Wednesdays off and his mom doesn’t call him when he’s home).
I lost the baby in January of this year. And his mom still had a lot to say about how we should have listened to her.
So, AITA for no longer wanting to put up with my boyfriend’s mom?
Reddit ruled NTA (not the a-hole) and all said the same thing: RUN!
NTA. He won't change, she won't change. It's up to you to change and get the HELL OUT.
She is in a relationship with him and his mum. They are a team. You can be a part of them by listening to them and accepting that they know best, this is the rest of your life.
OP, I’m so sorry for your loss. Please know you did nothing wrong and this toxic narrative from your bf’s mom is unacceptable. Controlling your actions and telling YOUR family before you is also appalling. You do have a mom issue but you really have a bf problem. I think he needs to go. He should have your back and talk to you not his mom if he disagrees with something.
'I'm not breaking up with you. I'm breaking up with your mom. But since your mouth has never left her tit in 29 years it's kind of a package deal.'
Really, I mean I was raised with the mentality “look at the way he treats his mom.” And “men who worshipped their moms were good.” Then I look around at all these mil posts and think how wrong that mentality went.
Thank you for taking the time to listen to my problems. I have to say two things from reading all your comments:
1.) I am in love with a mama’s boy and potentially in a relationship with him and his mom. It’s suffocating to think that my boyfriend doesn’t have a mind of his own and has to run to his mom to have opinions about our future. Thank you for letting me know that I wasn’t the only crazy one here.
2.) His whole family is toxic, his grandma is also very controlling. He said he didn’t want to be like them, and he wasn’t until…. Ugh. It infuriates me.
I will have a sit down talk with him to finally establish my SET boundaries. If he can’t handle bot telling his mom everything, then we won’t work out.
Honestly, if his whole family is like this, he’s never going to change. He may “change” for a brief period of time but then will revert back because he sees nothing wrong with his relationship with his family, especially his mom.
He thought he had you locked down with a pregnancy. He finally showed his true colors and manipulative behaviors. You’ll never be happy as a third-wheel in your relationship.
It's clear OP is not the a-hole, but should she leave this relationship, or is there still hope?