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'AITA for not sharing my inheritance with my sister since she chose to be adopted?'

'AITA for not sharing my inheritance with my sister since she chose to be adopted?'


"AITA for not sharing my inheritance with my sister since she chose to be adopted?"

I (30m) lost my mom when I was 5. Despite being so young, I had very vivid and treasured memories of my mom and did not take to my dad dating a year after her death well. My dad recognized that he knew this would be hard for me, but said that as the parent/adult he knew what was best even if it didn't seem that way at first and that I'd thank him in the long run.

Not long after that, he married my stepmom 'Lucy' — and when I began to act out over it, my dad said that parenting alone was hard and that my sister 'Jessica' (28f) needed a mom. My dad even got my maternal grandparents to tell me that everything would be fine and how I needed to be a 'good boy.'

That was enough to get me to behave during the wedding, but once Lucy moved in and started redecorating I started acting out again. My dad had had enough and just started punishing me whenever I acted out or made Lucy upset.

He also used the 'Jessica isn't acting out like this' card and, to be honest, Jessica was easily pleased and wasn't alive long enough to have the same attachment to our mom as I did.

It really upset me when Jessica started calling Lucy 'mom' and it really ticked me off when Lucy started referring to me as her son. I always corrected it when she tried that around me.

It got worse when I was 8 and Lucy had her own kids because then my dad and her started pushing for adoption. Jessica, obviously, had no problems with it but I refused. My dad had my maternal grandparents come in again and tell me that adoption wouldn't be that bad but I still refused.

Lucy and my dad pushed for the adoption anyway, but thankfully the judge listened to my feelings in a private room and denied it. After that, therapy started but it didn’t last so they also tried the 'since you don't want to be a part of THIS family you don't get X or you can't come do Y.' But I was too stubborn for that method to work on me.

The only one who I felt was on my side was my paternal aunt who kept sticking up for me whenever she'd see what Lucy and my dad were trying to do, so when I turned 18 I went straight to her.

It was when I became a legal adult that my maternal grandparents confessed that they were never O.K. with the situation — but my dad threatened to keep me and my sister away if they didn't show support. I was furious, so furious that I had my surname legally changed to my mom's maiden name, as I wanted nothing to do with my dad and only ever really talked to my paternal aunt.

Fast forward to now and my grandma has passed away (grandpa died in 2020) and according to their will only their legal grandchildren is to split a $250,000 inheritance and since Jessica is legally Lucy’s daughter all she got was a framed photo of my mom and a letter.

Jessica doesn’t think it’s fair and thinks I should share but I told her to get money from her legal grandparents. My aunt thinks I’m being a bit harsh so AITA?

Edit: Because someone asked. It had been two years since the last time she'd spoken to either of my grandparents while she frequently called and interacted with Lucy's parents. Jessica was never close to my mom's side of the family because she'd rather spend time with Lucy's family and/or didn't want to hurt their feelings.

Edit 2: Again since someone asked. When Lucy moved in she and my dad took down all of my mom's pictures and got rid of her things. I wasn't allowed to keep any pictures in my room and I would catch heat if I tried to celebrate my mom's birthday, mourn on the anniversary of her death, and get punished if I didn't celebrate Mother's Day the way Lucy wanted me too.

So yeah, she wasn't this saint of a woman who stepped in when my mom couldn't.

Edit 3: Because I'm starting to see the same thing

I don't blame Jessica for choosing to be adopted (now). I'm angry at her belief that she should get any money from my grandparents despite never showing an interest in having a relationship with them once she was 18+.

They reached out numerous times but she never bothered yet has the belief that she's entitled to their money? That is what ticked me off.

My mom had a sister who also had kids, I'm not getting the full $250,000.

No, I don't expect anyone from Lucy's side to leave me anything nor would I demand Jessica to share. It would be completely hypocritical.

Update from OP

My maternal cousins and I had a meeting and we all agree that since Jessica couldn't be bothered to speak to or spend time with our grandparents once she was an adult, she doesn't deserve the money.

We had our grandma's estate lawyer send out an official letter to Jessica. She said that she would challenge the will and I told her she's welcome to do so. I am fully prepared to never see or speak to her again over this.

Here's what the commenters thought:

From Huge_Put8244:

NTA - your grandparents had plenty of time to change their will. They used the specific teem legal grandchildren for a specific reason. Because they wanted you to inherit from them. They assume Lucy will inherit from her other grandparents and she probably will. Or if your dad is still sore, you may be excluded from his will and they wanted to make sure you were adequately covered.

From judgingA-holes:

NTA- If you grandmother used the language 'legal grandchildren' and didn't specify names it was for a reason. I honestly think that you are keeping your grandmother's wishes by not sharing with your sister.

From Inner-Show-1172:

NTA for keeping the share of your grandparents' estate, but a gentle YTA for your attitude toward your sister. She didn't 'choose' to no longer be your mother's daughter. The same blood flows in her veins as yours.

But her mother died when she was 3, and soon after there was another maternal presence there for her. When she was 6 she agreed to make their relationship official. Holding a grudge against her, and her relationship with your husband's wife, for all these years seems unkind.

From Fit_Government5736

I’m on the fence leaning towards YTA because your sister was so young when your mom died and your stepmother entered the picture. You freely admit that your dad and stepmother manipulated the other trusted adults in your life and every situation to try to shape you into what they expected from the situation, so I’m sure they did the exact same thing to your little sister.

It just wasn’t as hard to do to Jessica and it worked completely because she was so young. I don’t think it’s her fault for being manipulated as a small child and the outcome was exactly what you’d expect. Your mom’s parents were still her grandparents and it’s not right that she was cut out completely.

From AnsweringLiterally:

Not up to you. Up to the will. Save some of that for court costs in case she contests it.

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