So last night was my (24f) first sleepover with my new boyfriend (29m) of two months. He bought me a gift of lingerie. It is beautiful, but not comfortable.
I think of this particular lingerie as the sort of thing you only wear for 5 minutes at a time then your partner takes it off haha. Which is essentially what happened. I wore the lingerie for him, he took it off, we were intimate, it was lovely.
But then the trouble started when we were ready to sleep. I went to put on the pajamas I packed, which is men's boxers (I bought it specifically for pajamas, it wasn't an exes or anything haha) and a t-shirt I got from the beach.
This is the sort of thing I always wear to sleep and I didn't think it should be any different with my boyfriend.
But he asked why I didn't put the lingerie back on, did I not like it? I said that I loved it but it was a bit scratchy to actually sleep in. He said what the hell was my outfit, why was I dressed like a man. I said I always sleep in stuff like this, except when it's cold I wear footie pajamas.
He said that's fine when I'm alone but when I am with him it makes him feel "sick to his stomach" to see me dressed "like a man". So I caved and put the lingerie back on. I'm now lying awake because the lingerie is scratching my nethers.
He is my first boyfriend I could actually sleep over with (I've been single since high school) so I admit I don't really know the etiquette. AITA? This is similar to the lingerie, this is similar to the shirt, this is the boxers.
Here were the comments on the initial post.
NTA Wtf. He’s an idiot. Put your comfy pjs on and go home to your bed that loves you more than this AH. You don’t have to link the lingerie. Wear whatever you want to bed, he’s a controlling bum hole.
Edit. That shits gonna give you a UTI or yeast infection. Men’s boxers are smart and comfy.
Update I slipped out of bed and put my pajamas back on. If when he wakes up he reacts badly I am going to consider breaking up with him...
NTA, also, you saw red flags! Unrealistic gender norms
Lack of consideration for your feelings and comfort
Stupidity of the Dunning Kruger sort, too stupid to know he's an unreasonable person/ignorant manbaby about what women wear to bed
Prone to issuing threats Bad communicator. Controlling
Actually, you didn't just see red flags, you slept at the red flag factory!!!
NTA this guy sucks. Regift him the lingerie and ask if he’ll wear it to sleep
NTA If he's against you sleeping in a shirt and boxers because of aesthetic, what the hell else would he control? Maybe he should sleep in the lingerie for one night and rethink his opinion. Sleepwear isn't meant to be sexy.
I wish he would just try the lingerie on to see what it feels like. But maybe that wouldn't be fair because he is a male and has a different situation in that region then me.
But the lingerie digs into me really bad because it's a bodysuit type and I'm tall, they make these for average height women.
And he said that the reason it doesn't fit is because I'm too fat for it. I probably should have included that in the first post maybe... it is a size L and I'm more of an XL, but I think my proportions would be that of an average height size L.
I don't think I'm fat, I'm more curvy/chubby and I thought that was his type cuz his exwife has a similar body type.
NTA and I would dump him. If he has a problem seeing you in clothing not specifically tailored to his sexual desires, that’s a big red flag. What you wear to bed is super normal for the average 20 something female. He has unrealistic expectations. He should prioritize your comfort over his hard on.
A few people asked me to update them with my boyfriend's reaction when he wakes up, but since my post was deleted for "rule 8" I figured I should post the update over here so this one doesn't get deleted too.
After reading everyone's responses I decided it's over between the two of us whether he tries to apologize for the stunt he pulled or not.
So a few hours after I posted I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend quietly sobbing.
I roll over toward him and he's like "Why can't you do this one thing for me?? All I want is for my woman to look like a woman because I'm not gay."
I told him that I'm done and he started throwing a tantrum like a 2 year old. I didn't even bother to listen to it, I had gathered my stuff together before I went to sleep so I just picked up my backpack and left.
Went home, picked up beer, pizza, and ice cream on the way. Put on some cartoons and was chilling all afternoon. Then my friend who works at spencer's texted me.
Apparently my ex had come in and tried to return the lingerie. Obviously they could only give him store credit because it was out of the box, and he started throwing yet another childish tantrum.
He had to be escorted out of the store by a mall cop.
Thanks to y'all I dodged a bullet with this manbaby. He obviously has some serious issues and I don't think I'm the right person to help him with them. I just really feel bad for his kids and his exwife who are stuck with him.
The final comments let him have it.
Wait he was married and has kids?!! I just assumed you all were in your late teens/very early 20’s based on how he was acting in your first post and the fact he still shops at Spenser’s.
Wow. Just. Wow. You clearly did the right thing and I hope you find someone who accepts you for you and your very normal pajama choices.
Holy crap, I can't believe this guy had a marriage and kid. YEESH.
I’m honestly shocked. Sobbing, really? Tantrums, really? Manbaby for sure.
OP I’m glad you got out of that. I know the feeling of guys being weird with their sexuality. When I cut my hair off to a pixie cut, nobody really supported it, but my then boyfriend was REALLY not about it.
And then once I did it he broke up with me citing the fact that “I looked too much like a boy and he couldn’t kiss me”. It’s not like anything was shaved, it was a longish fluffy girly pixie cut.
He just had issues with himself and his sexuality and how he viewed women. Sucks, but screw em. You go be comfy OP.
EW HE TRIED TO RETURN THE USED LINGERIE???
(Also he bought it at Spencer’s? Like, black light posters and novelty sex gifts Spencer’s?)
Good for you for getting rid of that misogynistic manbaby.