'AITA for telling my BF it’s not appropriate for him to come on my family vacation?' UPDATED
"AITA for telling my bf that I don’t think it’s appropriate to come on the family vacation?"
Me(21F) boyfriend(23M) let’s call him Charlie. Around a month ago my mom mentioned a family vacation while in a call with me. Charlie and I have been together for about 1 year. He has still not met my mom’s side of the family, only my dad’s. My mom(42F) lives in my home country together with my step dad(50M) and my step brother(24M) lives there too but not in our home town.
Bc of this he hasn’t had the chance to meet them yet. Yesterday I mentioned it to my best friend(21F) with who I have been friends with for 17 years now. I was on the phone with her. She is still in the city we grew up in and goes to university there bc of that she often sees my parents.
My mom invited her like any other vacation and this time she has decided to come. The trip is fully paid by my step dad and my mom. My step brother will be bringing his fiancé(21F) too. Charlie was in the room while I was on the call and asked me what he should pack. I looked at him confused and asked if he is going somewhere. He said that he needs to know what to pack for the trip.
I laughed and thought he was joking since I never said he was coming. When I realised he was serious, I sat him down and told him that he isn’t gonna be able to come and there was no reservation for him plus it will be very inappropriate to invite him over, knowing that this is a family trip and it will make bad impression like he is trying to come just bc it’s gonna be free.
They have never met him and there isn’t any rooms left , he doesn’t have a passport and other reasons that I tried explaining. He flipped out on me telling me that I’m a b!tch and that I’m probably cheating on him and that’s why he is not invited. I tried explaining but he left the apartment.
He hasn’t returned since yesterday and at 4AM I have to leave for the airport. I’m worried sick. I called many times and texted but he isn’t responding. So AITA?
What do you think? Is she the AH? Is he? This is what top commenters had to say:
MissNatStewart said:
NTA. This is why bf are not invited to family vacations: because there are simply not a serious relationship. Assuming you are automatically invited to another person’s trip is beyond entitled.
lizj62 said:
ESH. When would you get a better opportunity to introduce him to your Mother's side of the family? Obviously, his reaction sucks too.
lesbibitch said:
NTA girl get away from him 😬 enjoy your trip, have a great time and don’t worry about him for another second!
ehumanbeing said:
NTA. Laughing was a little rude but bf was rude for inviting himself on the trip/assuming he was going without being invited. Lashing out and calling you names is unacceptable. A family vacation really isn’t a great way to meet the family IMO.
HarlesBronson said:
Nta. He is after a free vacation. If it was about you or meeting your parents, he would have offered to pay his way. His blowing up at you when he didn't get his way, accusing you of cheating and disappearing is very telling of how he will handle not getting his way each time during the course of your relationship. I would break up with him now.
Five days after her original post, she shared this update on the situation:
When I was leaving from the apartment 4 days ago I left a key to my neighbor/friend. Yesterday she called me to inform me that my bf’s stuff are missing and my writing studio and my manga collection are destroyed. Some of my savings are stolen and yesterday he has tried to empty my bank account but failed miserably.
5K are apparently missing from the drawer of my night stand and bf is nowhere to be find. Lucky me my stepbrother’s fiancé’s mother is a lawyer. Mom’s side of the family (step brother, his fiancé, mom, stepdad,grandmas and grandpas ext.) are trying to calm me down and get me away from the situation as much as possible.
I thought this was a minor problem in the beginning but here we are. Dad’s side of the family is telling me to drop the charges and that I’m overreacting. Yes. I did place charges. I will have to deal with it further when I get back but police are already on the hunt for him.
Some people said I was the ahole bc “this would be the perfect time to meet my family” but in this case it just seemed like a direct “I want a free trip” to me. Somebody pointed out we have communication problems-Yes we do. I didn’t really want to mention this but I’m on the autism spectrum so it’s pretty normal in a way
He knew 2 and a half weeks before I went to the trip and I made it clear he won’t be coming