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'AITA for telling my GF she's not allowed to wear a bracelet given to her by a coworker?' UPDATED 2X

'AITA for telling my GF she's not allowed to wear a bracelet given to her by a coworker?' UPDATED 2X


Some people are so blissfully unaware of their behavior, they have to get yelled at by internet strangers in order to wake up.

In a popular series of posts on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for "banning" his girlfriend's friendship with her coworker while asking her to move for his job once again. He wrote:

"AITA for making my GF move again after she found a job, and banning a friendship with her coworker?"

My GF (28f) and I (30m) met in our small hometown where we both had family and friends. She was happy and thin then. I moved to the city where all my best friends moved too and I asked her if she was willing to come along. She was very hesitant at first but said sure if I'll pay for her monthly necessities until she finds a job.

For a year she couldn't find anything. It was always callbacks that didn't pan out or she's over qualified for some of the jobs she applied for. She gained sooooooooo much weight in that time. And I'm honest. I lost interest in her. She wasn't the happy thin girl I fell in love with. She finally got a job. And stopped complaining that she was lonely. She started jogging again.

Dressing up even when she was just at home and just looking good. I got a new job in another city (close to my extended family but even farther away from hers than we are now) and I know she can't stay here alone with her salary. So she will have to move with me. She was sad and mad about it. And tbh we did fight a little.

She said she's finally found something that she feels apart off and she's making actual friends. I do feel bad about that but she knows how unhappy I was in my current position. I maybe should've talked to her about this job and hear her out but I was just so unhappy. She said but now she's going to be unhappy again and I told her she'll manage like she did when we lived here.

Since she gave her notice. She's been wearing two bracelets. And I have a feeling they are from this guy she met at work. He's not the most attractive guy but the two of them are very similar. They have the same interests and she seems to talk to him a lot. I don't like it at all They went out for coffee. I was invited and said no.

But it went on for 2 hours and then he invited us to hang out with him and his friends before the move. She was so excited. Saying that finally she has friends that wants to invite her places and she doesn't have to tag along with me. And it pissed me off how excited she was about it. I told her I don't like her talking to this guy.

Her first reaction was to tell me she doesn't like it when I talk to a specific gamer girl buddy of mine that I find attractive so why can't she talk to this guy that she truly just sees as a friend. I told her it's different. I'm not the one going to sit alone during the day at home and chatting with this girl. She'll have all the time in the world to text this guy now.

Then she said she gets that, but I'm probably going to ignore her like I did here and come home and game. So why can't she have a friend she enjoys talking to? That pissed me off. I was working providing for us. I wasn't in the mood to come home and talk to her or go someplace with her on weekends I just wanted to Game.

I told her as long as I'm the only one providing for us she can't complain what I decide to spend my time on.

So AITA for moving my gf to another city after she's finally 'happy' again and telling her she's not allowed to talk to a friend she made?

Soon after posting, OP removed the post. He then made a new one a week later.

We've been together for 7 years. And in those 7 years we've moved 3 times for my job. I am the first to admit that every time we move my gf always has a very hard time getting a job because she's has a very niche qualification. She's extremely smart and hard working I definitely give her that. But unfortunately every time she does manage to find a job a few months later we'd have to move again for mine.

And the jobs that she does find doesn't have good enough salaries for her to live on her own. She tried living with a roommate (stranger) once but that scared her mentally and she doesn't want to do that again. Now the problem. After 8 months of working cashier jobs she finally found a job she liked and that payed more than the cashier jobs.

She was so excited. She loved the people, the work she was doing(not in her field) and she stopped being depressed. I could see the weight coming of her, her face becoming clear. She looked like a different person. But this job also doesn't pay her well enough for her to live in that city alone.(it was the most expensive city in our country). She made a really good "friend" there. A male co worker.

I didn't really have a problem with it. They didn't hang out after work. But once she gave in her resignation things changed. All of the sudden, he wanted to take her out to coffee and grab cocktails (mind you I was invited every time. She was sad at one point where I said wtf would I want to go) and then I started to see the bracelets. She said it was friendship bracelets from the guy.

She was honest and upfront about them.

I. Lost. My. Sh*t. I told her she's not allowed to see him or wear the bracelets ever again. And she looked at me and said.

"I'm moving to a f**king city 4 hours away from any family (we lived an hour from her family. She visited them as much as she could). Close to your family. I'm probably going to be seen as a free babysitter again (she's very good with my cousin's autistic child) and I'm probably going into a depression again."

"So give me this one ray of f#$king sunshine I have left." She stormed out. She's only spoken to me a few times since then. We have moved. And we've been in the new city for two days now. And apart from unpacking. She's been laying in bed, scrolling on her phone. With the bracelets still on. She hasn't even begun to search for a job or anything yet. And her clothing box is still packed.

It's the only box still packed. I'm worried about this guy. If she's planning to move back to her parents. I don't know. I just hate this. So am I the AH for taking away her 'one ray of sunshine?'

People had a lot to say in response to OP's post.

paintinganimals wrote:

YTA, and it’s not just about the bracelet. She was open about her friend and wanted you to also know this person. You declined. You’re really not allowed to be jealous or make assumptions about their relationship when you’re the one who refused to meet him.

It sounds like you want a lot out of her yet you won’t even meet her friends or show interest in whatever life she manages to scrape together for herself as she follows you around. I expect for her to leave you. I hope she leaves you. You see her as an NPC in your life. What do you mean she can’t afford to live on her own and tried to have a stranger for a roommate?

Are you not living together as you move around all the time? Are you not picking up most of the living expenses to make this equitable for her? This isn’t sustainable for her and it’s obviously her responsibility to make that choice on her own. But it sounds like you don’t really care about her or consider her a partner, so YTA for stringing her along when you don’t actually want to share a life with her.

You shouldn’t be worried about “this guy.” You should be worried about yourself and why you’re treating her so poorly when she’s made so many sacrifices to try to make it work with you.

Leading-Technology-44 wrote:

YTA. It’s not about the bracelets. If you want someone to follow you mindlessly everywhere you go, get a dog, not a girlfriend.

Euphoric_Travel2541 wrote:

YTA. Two adults in a healthy relationship do not BAN each other from friendships or from wearing inexpensive trinkets as symbols of that friendship. You are jealous and insecure, not supporting what seems to make her happy and dragging her away from jobs and family and friends. You are also sadly pretty domineering and controlling. Please let her go. Your situation is slowly killing her spirit.

seregil42 wrote:

You could have had a reasonable discussion with your girlfriend regarding this former coworker, but you decided to throw a tantrum like a 2 year old. You don't get to tell your girlfriend what she can and can't wear. YTA. Aside from this situation, I think you have bigger issues to worry about, anyways.

Normal_Trust3562 wrote:

Info: why do you keep saying she has to move for your job, but you keep talking about her unable to afford living alone? So you mean you make her move AND she has to find her own place to live? I don’t get that part.

OP responded:

My job requires me to move to very expensive cities. And if she does eventually find a job the only apartments she can afford is in very bad areas. I don't require her to move out once she has a job. I just put that there for people wondering why she might keep moving around with me and not living on her own in the city we were residing in.

After receiving a lot of comments and criticism, OP jumped on with an update.

UPDATE 1: For everyone thinking we do not live together, we do. I pay for almost everything. When she doesn't have a job her dad would help her out from time to time and I'm grateful for that. With my job I have to move to very expensive cities and the salary that she's getting would only have her live in the bad areas of the cities.

She lived with a roommate once and got scammed out of a lot of money and she's afraid to go through that again. She wanted to stay in the first ever city we moved to so that's why she had a roommate.

The comments kept coming in.

Huge_Researcher7679 wrote:

So your girlfriend has clearly communicated right now that she’s not happy with the current arrangement of following you around and developing little stability for herself. Has she expressed this before? Now that you know it, are you willing to consider and discuss with her a change in your career that will allow her to plant some roots?

Hface84 wrote:

This is so about so much more than some stupid bracelet. Your girlfriend is absolutely miserable in your relationship and you don't actually seem to care at all. YTA.

trivial_burnsuit_451 wrote:

YTA. Information needed (it's not going to change my vote because there are multiple reasons you are the AH). You've been together SEVEN years including moving three times for your work and you don't even live together? Is that correct?

OP responded:

No we do. I just put the information on there stating that it'll be difficult to live without me. My job moves me to very expensive cities and with the salaries she was getting the only places she'll be able to afford to not move with me will be in very bad areas.

StrangelyRational wrote:

YTA. You are not in a position to “allow” your GF to do anything. You are not her parent, her boss, or any other kind of authority figure. You can express your feelings. You can ask her to do things for you. You can end the relationship if you’re not happy with it. But you can’t tell her what to do.

hardcandy8923 wrote:

YTA. This girl has moved at least three times for you. And you're threatened by a bunch of bracelets? You feel entitled to tell her whom she can see and what she can wear? Grow up and be grateful for every day she doesn't leave you.

Later on, OP jumped on with another major update.

UPDATE 2: I've shown my GF the post. And she got mad to say the least. Asking me why I had time to post on Reddit but not have time to come and talk to her about it and, everyone telling me I'm the AH. You're right. That one sentence made my heart break. I asked her if she fell in love with the guy and to truly tell me about the friendship bracelets. She did not fall in love with the guy.

But it was the first real friend she made since we started moving and she was just so excited to have a friend. The bracelets are stupid in her opinion but it's the first thing she actually received since we started moving that wasn't necessities. She appreciates all the things I buy her but it feels like I've forgotten that she's my girlfriend and she feels like she's a chore for me.

Not someone special. So she did feel special when she received something that was given to her for just because. About the bag. She was scraping up the courage to come talk to me. She wants to move back to her parents at the end of the week. She does not want to live here. And when she said that and after reading a lot of your comments I realized I f#$ked up.

She didn't even have the courage to come talk to me about this. I just assumed she'll follow me everywhere. She said she'll give it a month. But if the only job she can find is a cashier job, she's done. Because she can't anymore. And now, I'm crying.

The internet did not have a lot of sympathy for OP.

FaintestGem wrote:

YTA. These are the kinda of posts I really hope are fake rage way someone can actually type all that out and believe they're in the right. I always wish there was a way to find the partner in these posts so I can just like, take them out to dinner and give them a hug :(

GyratingArthropod481 wrote:

I don't usually comment on these but "she was thin then" made it crystal clear which way this was going to go. And "as long as I'm the only one providing she can't complain..." But he's only the only one providing because he keeps killing her chances of staying employed. Now he's made her quit the only job that has good prospects for her. I sincerely hope she leaves him.

matchamagpie wrote:

OP treated his girlfriend as an accessory in his life and assumed that he could pack her up with the rest of his things whenever he wanted to move. I think it's over and good riddance.

Good-Groundbreaking wrote:

God... "She was happy and THIN then". So he just decided to stop paying attention to her and game while the gf was sitting at home with a huge depression... "Complaining that she was lonely" omg, she is a human being that is being financially ab*sed by this dude.

Then when she is happy again, he just treats her as luggage that has to move and goes Pikachu face when she finally starts thinking "It might be better if I move to my parents."

Tosaveoneselftrouble wrote:

It’s like he never stopped to consider that the reason she was so lonely was because he wasn’t her friend. Not even on a basic level. But he held the financial responsibility over her head (which he created) as cancelling out any friendship debt he was incurring within the relationship.

She could’ve had a roof over her head and food in her belly and walking around money if she’d moved back home at any point. But she’d also have felt less guilt and a lot more love. Idk why he keeps talking as if she doesn’t have any other better options which conclude with her not being homeless and starving. He gave her the bare minimum.

Well, this was a "yikes" through and through. Hopefully, OP can reflect on his behavior and do better in the future.

Sources: Reddit
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