'AITA for telling my girlfriend that I found a past mistake of hers pretty funny?'

In general, it's a good rule to not joke about someone else's humiliation unless they've made it clear they have a sense of humor about it. Otherwise, you seriously risk hurting their feelings.

In a popular post on the AITA subreddit, a man asked if he was wrong for bringing up his girlfriend's past mistake. He wrote:

"AITA for telling my girlfriend that I found a past mistake of hers pretty funny?"

A couple of months ago, my girlfriend started working a new role for airport ground operations which involved driving and getting some certifications. The day she started, her company made a LinkedIn post with a picture of her about how she was the first woman joining the team and also encouraging more women to apply and get the certifications.

Literally the day after she messed up badly at work and crashed a vehicle into a plane. No one was hurt or anything but the plane was damaged and a flight had to be delayed. It was really silly since she accelerated when she thought she was braking and made it worse. The same had actually happened to her while driving on the road once when she rear ended a car.

It's been a few months since that happened and I obviously didn't say anything to make her feel too bad at the time. However we were just talking about it in conversation and I mentioned to her that I found it pretty funny since she messed up the day after they made that LinkedIn post about empowering women in these careers.

I thought since it's been a while we could laugh at the irony together but she called me an AH and accused me of making her confidence worse. She now works a different job in retail so it's not like she's still working there.

The internet let him have it.

DontAskMeChit wrote:

So, a big deal was made about her being the first woman at a particular job, she messes up badly right after, and apparently the job did not work well at all because she is now at a new job a few months later. Sounds like it was a bad and embarrassing experience for her. And you found it "pretty funny." Yup, YTA.

Organic-Date-1718 wrote:

YTA. Making fun of our partners or putting them down, is NOT ok. Every relationship is different and some partners will “jest” or lightly tease one another. But to effectively do that both partners have to learn which boundaries not to cross with teasing and how to apologize if feelings are hurt. You on the other hand were just looking for the right moment to put her down.

The worst part of this is that her feelings were hurt and instead of just apologizing, you ran to Reddit hoping others would agree with you. You were not looking for a different perspective, you were looking for validation in being an AH.

AdNice2838 wrote:

I get having a sense of humor that not all people get, but YTA for not apologizing to her when she was upset about your jokes. The only correct response is “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was still painful for you, I didn’t mean to upset you, it won’t happen again” and then don’t talk about it again!

jess_the_werefox wrote:

Gallows humor is if she was laughing about it or making a joke about her own humiliating, unfixable experience. If you aren’t the one on the gallows, by laughing at her you effectively made yourself part of the execution.

_i_am_Kenough_ wrote:

I’m sorry…what’s ironic about her making a mistake and her company posting about empowering women? IF she’s over it and can laugh at herself it would’ve been appropriate to say that it was ironic that they posted ABOUT HER, and she made a mistake…but finding it ironic that a woman made a mistake and her job posted about women’s empowerment is just misogynistic.

I think you should really take deep inventory of your belief systems and sense of “humor.” Humor is often used inappropriately….also you can comment on every single response defending yourself or you can suck it up and realize you ATAH.

In one comment, OP shared a clarification.

She had the opportunity to stay initially pending their investigation but there was a lot of talk that a man would have been fired immediately amongst co-workers so she decided to quit.

TheHatOnTheCat responded:

This didn't work out for her, so why would you expect it to be funny now? It's an experience where she really messed up, was humiliated, and then lost her job (due to feeling forced to quit). Look, I can somewhat understand how you might find the initial accident funny. But how dumb do you have to be to tell her that? Do you just not care about her feelings at all? What exactly is wrong with you?

Part of being a basic functioning adult in society is knowing that not everything you think should be said out loud. Literally by elementary school we hold kids to this standard, if you think someone's stupid, don't tell them they are stupid, etc. You're an AH. You're supposed to consider other people's feelings before you open your big mouth. Otherwise, no one will want to be your girlfriend.

old_vegetables wrote:

This feels like the kind of thing you would find funny if you believed women shouldn’t strive for self-empowerment. The supposed “irony” of “stupid woman makes girl power speech, fucks up and proves women are dumb” is what seems to be tickling OP’s funny bone.

Frankly it just seems sad, I feel pretty bad for her. I would be so embarrassed if that happened to me, too bad her boyfriend thinks it’s hilarious :(

OP wrote:

I wasn't making a joke, I just felt that since time had past it was OK to admit that I found the situation funny and not to make fun of her but her employer for the LinkedIn post.

ApatheticEight wrote:

When a man is hired and messes up, he's just a guy who made a mistake or at worst, an idiot. When a woman is hired and messes up, she's "another example of women being the inferior sex." It's not funny. Nothing about the situation is funny. And it's only been a few months, I mean, god, OP...

In another comment, OP defended himself:

I wasn't taunting her, I was poking fun at her employer and their Linkedin post and the irony of it.

JeremiahDaBullfrog0 wrote:

You basically said she failed all women kind and was not suited to be the face of anything.

Clearly, everyone agrees that OP is TA here.