'AITA for not wanting to marry my BF because of how his family treated me?'

"AITAH for not forgiving my boyfriends family or wanting to marry him until it is sorted out?"

Here's the original post:

I (F21) and my bf (M21) only knew each other for 5 months before becoming pregnant. My family was very supportive after hearing the news but his was not. His family called and completely ruined our happiness by saying we should’ve told them in a cuter way such as making a cute little onesie, we were throwing our lives away, his mother said “I hate that girl”,

they continued on by saying I will divorce him in the future and I only want his money(idk what money bc we barely make it by on bills these days) and that he needed to put some back for when I do, also that I was just supposed to be a fling. After hearing this you can only imagine the hurt that I felt and this went on for weeks.

His grandma called several times and left a LONG message about how I just want his money(once again what money??) that he should’ve brought another girl around, he should’ve brought a nicer girl (I’ve only get his grandma once and mother twice) that I am hick, she said I “have no friends” bc my sister offered to throw my baby shower so I allowed her bc I really could care less

and I don’t expect any of my friends to spend any amount of money on me like that, apparently I lead him around by his nose, that me and my family have changed him for the worse, that he settled with me bc he wanted a baby so bad and I just wanted to sit at home

(even tho I had a job that made just a few hundred less then him a month) his grandma also called threatening to take us to court our my child if we don’t let her see it (I was in my first trimester it’s not like anyone was holding the baby away from someone) that I apparently am planning on leaving him and running off with our child and leaving him as a single dad to deal with.

According to his family. There is so much more to this and it goes on and on and on. Finally over a month later she sends a whole list of excuses for why she said what she said. EXCUSES. What she said was inexcusable. I stayed up many nights crying and stressed out. I refuse to give any of them another chance to get to know me or my child when she does arrive.

There is a difference between apologizing for yourself and apologizing bc you genuinely are sorry. This all goes along with the marriage part. My bf see’s no problem with their mistakes and is so quick to forgive them even tho they repeatedly disrespected me and put me down.

He told me he wants to be more then bf and gf. I told him I will engage him but I will not officially marry him until the family issue is sorted out bc I do not want my baby around negative and selfish people like them. Why should I want that when they have nothing but rude things to say about me when they don’t even know me? They have put such a strain on my bf and I’s relationship.

Anytime I get stressed out or we have a disagreement it is over his family. I haven’t stood up for myself bc I figured he would and he has not. So I am thinking about messaging grandma since she is consistent with the negative calls and texts but I also just want this to be over with.

My bf will tell me one day that his parents are good people then the next day he totally resents them. I am confused and lost for what is going on. The same goes for his grandma. He is very wishy washy about them. So r/AITAH for not forgiving my boyfriends family or wanting to marry him until it is sorted out?

This is what top commenters had to say:

Little_Meringue766 said:

Girl you sure you wanna marry this man? He doesn’t seem to give a shit about you and how you’re being treated

Electrical-Ad-1798 said:

The two of you don't sound like you're anywhere near ready for marriage.

swbarnes2 said:

You simply cannot marry into a family that talks to you like that. Unless he can straighten them out, and is willing to cut off those who won't be civil, you can't marry him. Oh, and messaging his family will not help. It will probably make things worse. Don't do it. You need to totally ignore them if they won't be civil. It's never going to be 'over with' because you chose to have his child.

These people are in your life forever unless they endanger you or your child enough for you to get a restraining order. Best case scenario is that boyfriend gives an ultimatum to them: behave civilly, or none of us will ever see any of you again. And he has to say it so they believe it. My guess is he won't, and your child will hear you badmouthed all through childhood.

BoysenberryOk4496 said:

anyone that threatened to take me to court over MY children would be immediately cut off for good. there is absolutely no coming back from that with me. NTA.

Happycatlady1982 said:

Over my dead body would I forgive them, they have already said the magic words "grandparents rights" and taking you to court so screw them NTA.

jeanneeebeanneee said:

Do not marry this person. You are both way too young and ignorant, and his family sounds like trash from hell. They will make your life miserable as long as they can.

SkrillaSavinMama said:

NTA - please consider that if you get married, these people will be in your life no matter what and you will grow resentment not only toward them, but your spouse as well. Trust me!

It will only get worse, because you will watch how they treat your kid(s) versus other kids in the family and it will upset you to no end. Trust me, in-laws make or break a family, especially if one spouses cares more about the family they come from than the family they created. It truly sucks!