'AITA for not giving my wife another chance after she asked for open relationship?'
"AITA for not giving my wife another chance after she asked for open relationship?"
My wife came to me with the idea of open marriage. I seriously thought she was joking. So I was humouring her but soon the realization hit me that she was serious. I asked her whether she is seriously asking me if I will be okay with her being with other men.
She started talking about BS she read on blogs and books she has ordered blah blah blah, I barely registered any of it. I sat there in silence watching her talk in excitement about it like she has discovered gravity or something.
Then I lost my patience, I told her to shut up and listen to me carefully. I said the moment she is with another man, she will become too disgusting to be allowed in even same room as me. Last thing I registered was her pale look.
I went to the bedroom and locked her out. I took some xanax to calm me down and drifted off to sleep. I dont remember anything else from that night.
Next day I woke up and for a moment I thought everything was okay then it came back in full force. I crawled out of my bed and tried to muster up some calm. She was in the living room with swollen eyes and tried to backtrack on it, said she was sorry and she wasnt thinking straight, blah blah.
I just told her that I am leaving her and I am not gonna change my mind so do not waste your breath.
She made the excuse that it was open discussion and if I had refused that would have been the end of it. I told her that I dont really care, she is not someone I want to call my wife. If she wants to be with other men I am setting her free to live her life as she please.
She wants another chance, she wants to go to therapy, I dont really care for it. She tried to tell me to give her another chance for the kids and I was like dont... go there. AITAH??
boogerboogers
"last thing I registered was her pale look...she was in the living room with swollen eyes"
No one talks like this. This is poorly written ragebait. Wouldve been more believable had he written "she was shocked....She had been crying"
bhyellow
Common thought here is that once they bring up open marriage, they have either already cheated or have someone specific in mind.
lysergicmushrooms
She’s not your wife she’s our wife
abitsmall_void
I want to give another perspective. My ex husband was a serial cheater and, instead of leaving, I convinced myself (incorrectly, of course) that an open relationship would work.
I looked it up online, found the “best” combinations of boundaries, questions, etc that could make it work and tied it up in a neat little bow to offer our marriage the most “logical” chance of surviving.
HE REACTED LIKE THIS GUY!!! It was the most abhorrent and disgusting idea to him; he lost his ever-loving mind and asked me nonstop for months who I was trying to sleep with. It was scary, he was mean and I was afraid.
I had never been unfaithful. I was a sad person who was trying to make my husband happier by giving him the green light to do what he was already doing, and removing the pressure of being upset all the time because we changed the rules.
Years later, when we tried it after all (his idea this time), I still never slept with anyone. It just opened a framework to make our relationship bearable since I didn’t think I could leave. It gave me a sliver of hope that I could find someone to occupy my life if I ever met anyone I could be interested in.
That idea was enough for me, because the reality is that I didn’t have freedom and that never changed.
I also think this is fairly common when people are in abusive relationships for a number of years. They get desperate and don’t go to therapy because they either can’t or the husband won’t go too, so they try alternative measures.
Just a thought.
Not saying it’s true for OPs situation, not saying it isn’t.
But I am saying that people do things that “don’t make sense” for reasons that make sense when you have more information.
sfree42
NTA. The only thing you did wrong was be really aggressive about it but it’s honestly kinda understandable. To the dumbasses saying “well she just wanted to have a conversation” or whatever, if you are in a monogamous relationship with someone even just suggesting something like that is extremely hurtful and disrespectful.
Witty_Following_1989
Based on her reaction seems suss. Like she’s actually already opened it so to speak.
Chefnick500
NTA she opened Pandora’s box and it’s hard to close …. Would she go behind your back ? Who knows but she’s already in a mindset of trying someone new .. close the book and end the relationship
OkMarsupial
I don't think it matters whether or not you're the asshole. It sounds like you two are no longer compatible, so it's time to call it quits.
EquivalentActive5184
Not sure about this one. The response seems over the top. I wonder if the two of you are really able to have tough discussions about what’s really going on in your relationship.
I’d appreciate someone who was willing to talk about an open relationship beforehand and give me the choice to opt in or out. It does not mean that she has had an affair or would have an affair if you were against it.