So my (36f) ex husband Tom (35m) left me for his “work wife” Tammy (25f) two years ago, I never liked her even before I found out about their relationship
The first time I met her at a work event she told me while I was heavily pregnant with my youngest that you “better up your wife game or I might steal him off you.”
well 3 months later she did, this woman literally came with him to help pack the day he moved out and tried to have a one on one conversation on how she wanted our relationship to be okay going forward because she was gonna be in my life
Than said as a joke, “told you I’d steal him away” — not gonna lie I’m thankful she did because when my ex made a comment about her being 23 and her brain not being fully developed I got the ick so bad it turned my heartbreak into relief.
I got everything in the divorce because I got him in his affair fog and he gave 50/50 custody for our kids' sake
I’m civil for the sake of my kids so we can both attend events without drama but other than that I couldn’t honestly careless about them.
Around June, Tammy came instead of Tom for pick up and practically skipped towards me to show off her engagement ring, saying she wanted me as a bridesmaid along with my daughters. She got upset because I just said hmmm her whole conversation, per toms texts a few hours later
Same happened again in September when she told me she was pregnant. Which, again, my zero f*&(s given upset her. In December when she told me the second I opened the car door “toms finally getting a son,” to which I sarcastically replied: “I’m sure Lord Tom's excited for an heir to take over his lands and titles.”
That caused drama too, because tom's family found it hilarious when Tammy was bad mouthing me. December was the last time I saw her till today at drop off with Tom. As they approached me I noticed Tammy didn’t look pregnant anymore.
Tammy tearfully said “we lost the baby.” I didn’t answer, just told Tom our second daughter has a birthday party tomorrow at 3 and the oldest has gymnastics at 5. Tammy literally screamed at me I was a heartless b and bitter, then grabbed the girls' bags walking away
Tom said I could show a little humanity towards Tammy and regardless of my feelings she is my kids stepmother. I told Tom I don’t care about what he's going through because outside our kids I don’t care about them and I don’t owe Tammy anything, especially pity.
He called me an AH (along with other things) and left. usually this wouldn’t bother me but my ex in laws, who I have a good relationship with, have told me I should have shown Tammy some empathy and at the very least pretended to care for the sake of the kids.
Here's how commenters reacted.
NTA, maybe it would be best if Tammy wasn't present for hand offs anymore as it seems to "trigger" her.
She is in the "oh no look at the consequences of my actions" part of this whole thing.
NTA You don’t have to do a thing for her. It’s about co parenting with your ex. It’s weird to me that she’s sharing personal details about her life, she must not have friends or something but that isn’t your issue.
At the same office party she told me to wife up my game a few coworkers who I knew a long time told me she isn’t well due her being so straight forward
Dear OP, you are enduring a horrible situation with tact and poise. You are protecting your children and refusing to get pulled into this young (immature) woman’s drama.
Why should you care about her being upset? (Admittedly it is a difficult loss.) It’s like she wants you to congratulate her on her relationship with your ex-husband, and sympathize with her troubles.
Your ex and his fiancé are delusional. Stay strong. Congratulations on making a new life with your family.
She once said given my age I should be mature for the sake of the kids and we should have a united front by forming a friendship I won’t lie I stood there with my mouth open in shock for longer than I want to admit
So you’re supposed to show empathy to someone who ruined your marriage and goes out of their way to get a reaction out of you???? No. NTA.
She said she wanted to friends and tells people like my in laws that I can’t put the past behind me for the sake of the kids even called me a pick me
NTA. Also, tell the in-laws, “I would love to see you take the high road to the person who legit wanted to be a homewrecker and did become one with your home. I don’t owe her shit, she deserves all the karma she got.”
You know what I will because my sister ex in laws told me I should have went nuclear with them like full on gone girl multiple times over the last two years
“I’m sure lord toms excited for an heir to take over his lands and titles”
NTA, but you are a badass
If you would’ve said something, she would’ve twisted it to you being evil, she’s nuts and her brain isn’t fully developed — as Tom pointed out 2 years ago! NTA, F her and him!
I still cringe at his comment
NTA ask them if Tammy showed sympathy when she joked about stealing him, destroyed your family, skipped to show you the engagement ring and so happy to report she was finally “giving Tom a son”? … no? So why tf should you feel anything for her, except maybe rage for what a B she sounds like.
You are NTA. She has been an absolute AH towards you since day one, always flaunting the relationship with your red flag of an ex, always making out like she’s better than you, always showing off about everything.
You don’t owe them anything, least of all sympathy. And why would you have sympathy for people you don’t give two fucks about?
You did nothing wrong, your ex and his 25 year old brat (oops, I mean fiancée) are the only assholes here.
Died laughing at Lord Tom’s heir and his lands and titles. You have such a good attitude toward all of this.
You’re not an AH. You’re not her friend. An empty “I’m so sorry” wouldn’t have hurt, but for the sake of being your genuine self, whoops, that didn’t come out of your mouth. They can deal.
In this day and age who cares about the gender of a baby regardless of boys, girls ,and they’s, it’s the same money, love, education and care that will be needed.
even in My ex's family, his own mother kept her surname along with his oldest sister so I couldn’t see the big deal but that’s just me
Hilarious that they think you should be so concerned about an adulterer and a homewrecker.