Then, he came to Reddit for support! And that backfired even harder. You decide who the A-hole is...
AITA (Am I the A-hole) for upgrading my girlfriend's flight to business class when she said she didn't want me to?
I work for a major financial institution as a banker, and I have to do some travel occasionally for it. My company's travel policy is that all flights greater than 5 hours on client mandates are billed in business class. Next week, I'm traveling to London for a client mandate for 12 days. Pretty much all of my travel assignments in the past have been just 2-3 days, and this is my first extended one.
Because I'll be gone for a while, I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. I'm not sure if having her in my hotel room is against company policy, but nobody on my team will say anything regardless.
My company booked me in business class as per their policy. My girlfriend does not earn very well, and so she reasonably booked an economy ticket on the same flights I'm on. I offered to book her in business and pay for it myself, but she didn't want me to as she said she doesn't want to spend so much on flights (even though I'm paying).
She emailed me her booking confirmation, and I felt really shitty about flying in business while she's in economy, so I called the airline to see if I could upgrade her, and they let me. When she found out, she was not happy about it and now feels all upset about the cost of it.
She didn't come from a well off background and doesn't earn well herself, so I can understand if she'd be mad about it if I made her pay, but I paid for it myself, because I wanted to treat the woman I love. I think there's a disconnect between the two of us on this issue, and I don't think I'm being an a-hole about this, but I wanted to get a 3rd party opinion.
Because we definitely know what Reddit thinks! They slapped him with one of the big ol' YTA (you're the a-hole) and pulled no punches.
YTA dude. You had two reasonable options: 1) Talk her into it. Tell you love her and want to treat her good. 2) Respect her feelings and move to economy with her. You chose a third way, one in which you said 'You don't know what you want. I know what you want.' It rough to be wrong when trying to be nice, but... there you are.
YTA. She told you no and you decided to override her no. That's asshole behavior. '...because I wanted to treat the woman I love.' She didn't want you to do so. That's the boundary. You stomped the boundary. Regardless of your intentions, what happened was she expressed her feelings and her boundaries and you ignored her.
YTA. You felt bad about being in business when she was in economy. She specifically told you she didn’t want you to do it. You specifically went against her wishes to make yourself feel better, making her feel uncomfortable in the process.
But not everyone saw it this way, like Dittoheadforever:
You're NTA. I see you're getting hammered by people who say you disregarded your girlfriend's wishes. But how many of us say to our partner, 'no, no, I don't want that, it's too much, you don't have to do that/get me that' about something we really would like? Half the gifts I've bought for my husband were after a conversation like that, and vice versa. You were basically in a lose/lose situation.
She could have flown in the cramped economy class for five hours, while you chilled in the more comfortable business class and you would have looked like the high handed a-hole ignoring his girlfriend, and that could have caused some resentment. Or you do what you did against her expressed wishes and now you're being roasted for that. Someday I hope you all can laugh at this story.
But Alyssa_Hargreaves is not having it:
YTA. She told you NO. You should respect that. If she wanted to be in business she would've said yes or worked a compromise out with you. She was content with her seat. She likely feels like you don't respect her decisions and cause you make more you can be like that.
Apologize dude. Respect her no. If she has a fit later then you remind her calmly you offered to pay she said no so you respected her decision. So from then on if she tries sh*t you got your comeback of respecting her decision and choices. Now...you don't.
Superdry73 doesn't hold back:
YTA - don't do sh*t like that. And why should you feel sh*tty about flying in business while she's in economy? It's a business flight for you and not for her. By upgrading her ticket, you robbed her of her autonomy - autonomy she should be lauded for wanting to maintain.
For the record, I give my outstanding consent to be upgraded to first class at any time. Thank you.