Old bath mats destroy marriage; husband screams, 'you're ungrateful.' AITA?
"AITA for telling my husband I didn't want to use the bath mats his parents gave us 10 years ago anymore?"
scarsandstrips
AITA for telling my husband the bath mats his parents gave us weren't my style? We recently renovated our bathrooms and I thought the bath mats needed an upgrade to match. My husband was really really upset and said what's wrong with the old mats?!
So I responded that they are TEN YEARS OLD and furthermore I didn't even pick them out, they were a gift from his parents. He was livid and said that I was being super rude and offensive and that he was going to give them back to his parents saying I'm ungrateful.
Then he started to berate my parents saying that he's going to tell them how much he doesn't like their gifts. I was caught off guard because I really didn't mean to insult his parents, I was simply making the point that they weren't something I had picked out. Plus that was 4 bathrooms ago and they don't match our current place even putting aside the fact that they're 10 years old.
He's been giving me the silent treatment since then (last night) and told me to do the kids' drop offs and pickups myself this week. He also angrily tossed and turned yesterday shouting that he's so mad he cant sleep.
I tried to be calm and said I apologized and didn't mean any insults and that I am still learning his trigger points. I asked him to please consider that he may have misinterpreted it and he got even more mad and told me to get off my high horse.
Is this a gross overreaction or was my comment really offensive? For context, he is very frugal and doesn't like to spend money on anything. So, sometimes I will just make purchases anyway if I think its too much and worth the argument after.
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
BeJane759
I mean, honey… the bath mats are the absolute least of your concerns. Like… dead bottom of the list. Maybe send both the man and the bath mats back to his parents’ house. Hoping this is fake, but just in case it’s not… you are NTA and also are in an emotionally abusive marriage.
The OP responded:
scarsandstrips
I wish it were fake, but it's one of many examples...
Onestep420
I really think you should be putting money away in a get the F out fund.
lady_rain_was_here
NTA. This is a really weird thing to get mad about. Do you have to walk on your tip toes around him normally? Is he this sensitive about everything? He sounds exhausting to be around.
The OP again responded here:
scarsandstrips
Yes i have to walk on eggshells, he's very difficult to please.
KronkLaSworda
"he was going to give them back to his parents "
WTF? Like, don't give me 10 year old, used, possibly moldy, GD bath mat.
A diamond is forever. A bathmat is for 5-10 years, tops. No one on this planet will care, except your husband, if they get tossed during redecoration. NTA, good lord.
Are you struggling so much financially that this will tip the apple cart?
CrunchyTeatime
"He was livid and said that I was being super rude and offensive and that he was going to give them back tohis parents saying I'm ungrateful. Then he started to berate my parents saying that he's going to tell them how much he doesn't like their gifts."
This is an extremely childish reaction on his part, and a clear ploy to manipulate you. Sounds like verbal abuse as well.
"He also angrily tossed and turned yesterday shouting that he's so mad he cant sleep."
Over a ten year old bath mat? Control issues?
"He's been giving me the silent treatment."
Control issues.
"I tried to be calm and said I apologized and didn't mean any insults and that I am still learning his trigger points."
He's manipulating you.
"Is this a gross overreaction."
On his part, yes.
"Or was my comment really offensive?"
Which comment? Wanting to throw away a ten year old bath mat that matches nothing?
No. It's just bizarre he's behaving this way, and shows a need to dominate and control you, through verbal and emotional blitz attacks. IMO. I know that's strongly worded. So are his quoted behaviors.
He is frugal but he's okay with remodeling? This is about something else. If he is that attached to the bath mat, he can find some other use for it, but absolutely go get what you need and let the A find a way to simmer down about it, on his own time. NTA.