'I want to break up with my BF because he views my home (that I bought) as HIS home.' UPDATED

"Me [30F] with my boyfriend [34M] of two years. Thinking of breaking up due to his nieces and nephews."

I have been with Dallas [34m] for two years. I met him through my sister, Leeloo [36f] and her husband Korben [45m]. Here is the problem. While I truly enjoy spending time with Dallas, he seems to view us as married already. He refers to my animals as "his pets" to people, though I have asked him not to. They are not his pets and never will be.

He views my home, which I paid for myself, as "our" future home. I have been honest about how I view my future. This means my house is my house, my pets are my pets, and I do not intend to get married or have children. I have also told him how uncomfortable small children make me. I don't allow them in my home.

Dallas has always been honest about his own life and seemed to understand these were things I was not willing to compromise on, at all. Two days ago, I was at Dallas's house and he was talking to his sister, Jean [40f] about her visiting with her kids.

She asked him to watch them for a week while she headed out to Vegas. He told her, "Zorg [5m], Diva [7f] and Plavalaguna [9f] are welcome at our home anytime. Bring them by the week we get back from our vacation."

(We are going to Canada for a week.)

Since we were hanging out at his place when they called, I assumed he meant his town house. When he hung up, he said I needed to go "grocery shopping for the kids." Plavalaguna is apparently a really picky eater and has to be on gluten free because of the special Autism diet her mom has her on. Diva and Plavalaguna are both special needs.

I told him I would help him shop, but that I was busy most of the week and didn't want/have time to entertain his kids. He started saying things like: "I won't let them bother the kitties too much." "They can play in the pool." Its a Koi pond, so no, they cannot. "There is so much room. They can play in the backyard with the dogs and not be a bother."

I told him I didn't want the kids to come over at all. They could stay in his house, he has enough room, and there is a park around the corner. I have always been clear about this. He seemed to laugh it off.

He didn't even discuss having them come over with me, just ignored every conversation we had about me disliking kids under the age of 10 and not doing well with special needs.

I have told him about how angry this makes me. We had a conversation about it, but he isn't relenting. I just feel like he doesn't listen and doesn't care about my property, desires, and needs. He just wants to show off to his sister.

I feel he didn't earn having a house with a yard, and he didn't save up to have a house he is proud of. Instead he spends all his money on his hobbies. I don't want my house to be destroyed by three kids. I don't want to have them over. I would like some advice on how to handle this. Advice?

tl;dr: Me [30F] with my boyfriend [34M] of two years. Thinking of breaking up due to his nieces and nephews.

This is what people had to say to OP:

[deleted] said:

Whoa, yeah you two sound VERY different. He sounds like he is looking for a family kind of woman, kids or no. You two don't sound very compatible from this description.

asimpleenigma said:

You two obviously have very different expectations of your relationship. If those differences aren't reconcileable then you should break up with him. He seems to care a lot for his family while you don't really want to be involved with family at all. That's a pretty big difference.

And K_Rad said:

In order to keep this from blowing up into some sort of circus (which often happens in this sub) I would seriously consider taking his copy of the house key away (if he has one). Tell him that in no uncertain terms, his sister's kids are NOT welcome, and that if she drops them off there you will call CPS for abandonment.

They can go to his house, and he can lose his right to your home as well since he has no respect for your boundaries. This seems like a pattern of behavior to me, and I completely agree that people have more respect for a home/space when they work hard to earn it. Time to re-evaluate the relationship.

Three weeks later, OP shared this update:

I have been was with Dallas [34m] for two years. I met him through my sister, Leeloo [36f] and her husband Korben [45m].

Summary: Dallas wanted to have his niblings Zorg [5m], Diva [7f] and Plavalaguna [9f] come stay at my home for a week despite me telling him no.

tl;dr: Dallas and I broke up. That is the short of it.

The long of it?

Dallas and I broke up.

We were broken up for about a week, then he called and begged me back. I gave him a chance, stupidly. It lasted two days. Now I am done with him for good, though he keeps calling me. The first fight was over the original issue.

When he called to apologize, he said he would "ask next time" and that was the end of it. We wouldn't talk about it again. I guess we both assumed we were right and that the other person would relent.

The last fight came when Dallas heard I was hosting a BBQ for Leeloo (sister) and her husband Korban the week the kids were going to be there. It was for Korben's work friends for his promotion.

It was going to be all adults. I guess Korban had bragged about my koi pond (he has a few fish he bought in there) and he helps me with it. So his friends wanted to see it and I said it was fine, just as long as they did the dishes when we were done.

I hate dishes. I offered to help cook. I told Dallas about it and he said he would bring the kids. I told him there was going to be no kids, because it was work related and not really super casual.

He got really upset. He then told me that it would be a lot of work to bring the kids to his house when they could just chill out in my house and not bother people. I asked him why he thought the kids would be there at all. He told me: because you agreed to have them.

I told him that was not happening, he was not invited to the BBQ and we were not going to Canada. Well, I was, he wasn't. I had a friend agree to stay in my house while I was gone and went on the trip with my sister. So now I am single. The BBQ was great.

Dallas has stopped by several times trying to talk to me. I threatened to call the police on him. He still writes me long, sobby messages on FB (even though I blocked him.) He keeps using his friends' accounts to do it.

So that is the end of the drama. Thank you for the advice and everything. If you have anything you think might be useful? I can use tips and tricks. Or whatever you call ditching a crazy ex...