When two young adults made plans to have their best-friend sleepover like they normally do, they found that one major factor had changed: the live-in boyfriend. He did not like these plans at all, so the woman trying to make everyone happy came to Reddit to ask:
Okay, so I (22F) and my best friend (21F) have been best friends since kindergarten, nearly 2 decades. For the entirety of our friendship, we’ve had sleepovers and when we have sleepovers, we’ve ALWAYS slept in the same bed.
That’s simply a staple of our sleepovers, it’s not a sleepover if we don’t. We’re both night owls and even once we’re done with our activities for the night and lay down for sleep, we’ll talk in the dark until we pass out.
Now here’s a speedbump I’ve never thought of: my boyfriend just moved in with me fairly recently and my best friend and I have arranged a sleepover. I casually say to my boyfriend: “Hey, (best friend) is coming over, so would you be alright if we took the bed and you sleep in the living room?”
When I tell you, this man was absolutely AGHAST. He says, “Orrrrr (best friend) can sleep in the living room and we sleep in OUR bed?”
The fact that he wasn’t cool with wanting to sleep in the living room didn’t really shock me, so I say, “Okay, then (best friend) and I will just sleep in the living room and you can have the bed.”
He doesn’t like that either! He is deadset on the idea that we sleep together and guests sleep seperately. But she’s my BEST FRIEND, this has been the routine for YEARS and I don’t really view it as that big of a deal.
Even when I had a fight with my mother when I was 19 and asked if I could stay at her place, she let her boyfriend take their bed and she slept on the tiny ass couch in the living room with me.
I would just feel bizarre being like, “Okay, goodnight!” and leaving her in the living room. I can’t describe it, it’s just weird. Thoughts? AITA (Am I the a-hole)?
Reddit could see OP's side, and agreed she wasn't an a-hole, but they also sympathized with the BF.
NTA (Not the a-hole) - You continuing to hold this tradition with your best friend sounds so wonderful and healing to your inner-child. I wish I was still this close to some of my childhood friends and I hope you two can continue your friendship for more decades to come.
It is so strange that your boyfriend is denying you something that sounds to be incredibly innocent. Him being upset by the idea of sleeping on the couch makes sense but him also being upset by the two of you setting up camp in the living room makes no sense. Did he give you an actual explanation for his feelings on this or is he just being controlling for no reason other than perhaps jealousy?
NAH (No a-holes here). Yes, every sleep over that you have had with your friend has had you both sleeping in the same bed together. But I also assume that since you moved in with your boyfriend, every night that you've gone to bed the two of you have slept together too.
I can see where you don't think that it's a big deal, but I can also see why your boyfriend thinks it is a big deal. Also, why is it weirder to leave your friend in the living room than to leave your boyfriend alone in the bed?
NAH I think neither of you are wrong, but I find your position to be the odd one, personally.
I’m actually totally perplexed at the people who “can see the bf’s side” lol. Like what? Maybe if she wasn’t willing to compromise on sleeping in the living room but wtf people. It’s ONE NIGHT, it’s totally unhealthy for the bf to react this way over not getting to sleep with his gf for again ONE NIGHT. That’s a major red flag.
I’m 35 and still have “sleepovers” with my friends occasionally and it’s definitely not weird for us to sleep in the same space, and some of my friends are married. Why can’t the bf spend, and lets say this again, ONE NIGHT, not sleeping next to his gf?
Are you and your friend having sex? is that why your so insistent on sleeping with her over your boyfriend?
It boggles my mind that people are so taken aback by the idea of having a lifelong friend that they come to the conclusion that we’re bumping uglies. no ❤️
INFO: Lets reverse the situation. Your boyfriend's best friend, a guy, wants to spend the night and your boyfriend wants to share a bed with him and have you sleep on the couch. Are you 100% ok with this scenario?
Been said in many a-comments before: yes lol
It really depends on your upbringing which side of this arrangement feels weird. I never once shared a bed with a friend growing up. My parents had guests, they stayed in spare rooms or public rooms (living room, basement). It wasn't until I was an adult that I even heard of someone giving up their bed for a guest. Likewise for a couple sleeping separately, even for a night.
You're NTA because it's your tradition and it's nice and it's harmless. It's not necessarily 'weird' that your BF might be thrown for a loop over this. It may be way outside of his personal experiences.
I would say it's unreasonable to ask that he vacate the bed, but not unreasonable to stay in the living room with your friend. This is just part of your bonding with your friend and it's an important tradition. Just gotta talk through your feelings and what it means to each of you.
My one issue was the fact that it seems like she never even talked to the bf about it beforehand and just said it was happening. If you share a living space, you should at least talk to your partner before making the plans. I don't think she's an asshole, but I also think she could've communicated better
Here’s the thing about all the people wishing I’d “discussed it more” with him. We’ve been together 2 years. known him for about 4, and he’s known my relationship with my best friend for as long as we’ve known eachother, and that INCLUDES him knowing that we shared a bed during sleepovers when he wasn’t living with me. He was well aware. Miscommunication is not the problem here, lol.
Does the boyfriend need to get over himself, or should OP change her adorable tradition for his sake?