'I snooped, found out my BF bought a ring and 'might propose'... How do I slow my roll?' UPDATED
"I snooped, found out my BF bought a ring and 'might propose'... How do I slow my roll?"
My boyfriend (let's call him Mike) and I have been dating for almost 2 years. We clicked immediately, things are easy/great, we are totally meant for each other. Yay. We talked early on about marriage/proposals in the abstract, and Mike made it clear that, if the time was right, I was more than welcome to propose.
(He actually likes the idea that I would be "progressive" enough to do that, instead of waiting around for him.) As time went on and it became clearer that we're totally gonna get hitched, I made sure to check in with Mike and make sure that was still OK.
And it is. So I bought a ring and am planning on popping the question when Mike comes up to visit in about a week for New Years (we're currently LD, though that's ending this spring, yay!). It's our anniversary, it's meaningful, etc etc.
Here's the thing. My best friend (let's call her Sally) has been all "I know something you don't know" for the past couple of weeks. It drives me nuts. She knows it drives me nuts.
Anyway, long story slightly shorter, I snooped on her phone, only to find out that Mike has purchased a ring and wants Sally to pick it up (the shop will be closed the day he gets here). She asked if he's planning on proposing and he responded "if the right mood strikes."
Okay, first, OBVIOUSLY SNOOPING IS BAD. I feel kind of bad for doing it, except not really because I'm so freaking excited! This has been kind of a long time coming, haha, and I'm actually kind of relieved to know that he bought a ring - it means that we really are 100% on the same page with where we want our lives to go (even with the timing!).
But here's my problem. I really, really want to get engaged to him on New Years. And I know there's a good chance that we'll end up surprising each other because we're telepathic like that. But I also don't want to steal his thunder.
But I'm also not sure if he'll even propose while he's here. Etc. Ack! So, the $64,000 question: what do I do? Do I just wait for him to go first (lol)? Do I stick to my original plan, his plans be damned? I don't even know if he has a set plan!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
What I'd do? I'd keep the ring you got for him in my pocket 24/7. When he proposes, I wouldn't answer verbally... I'd reach in my pocket and pull out the ring I got for him and hold it out with a huge smile. And if for some reason he has NOT proposed by the end of NYE... then you have your ring at the ready to ask him. That way you're covered either way :)
throwaderp1234 (OP)
Oh my god I would be SUCH A WRECK. What if it drops out of my pocket? What if I lose it somewhere?? I love the idea and wanna do it, but I'm afraid my terrible poker face (really the "I'm so nervous I'm gonna barf everywhere" face) would give it away. :D
So put it on a long chain and tuck it down in your bra LOL I'm sure you can figure SOMETHING out... because let's face it, that would be awesomely romantic! Do come back and update us when you're properly engaged!!
Tell sally she needs to learn to keep mouth shut.
Honestly wait for New Year's Eve. If he doesn't propose to you by the end of the night go for it. It would be awesomely sweet though if he proposed to you and you popped out a ring him too.
Two weeks later, the OP returned with an update.
First of all, huge thanks to everyone who commented on the first post. I think the biggest thing I needed was reassurance and support, and I got that in spades. So thanks!
Here's the TL;DR right at the beginning for those of you who want to cut straight to it: we're engaged! Mike proposed on New Year's Eve at a small party with a few of my friends present (including Sally).
I had his ring ready for a counter-proposal. :D it was adorable, people were moved to tears/vomiting from the cuteness, etc. Now, for those who want a bit more of the nitty gritty:
Mike arrived from out of town on Christmas Day. I was a nervous wreck (of course!) because I thought he might propose right away then - we went on a long, romantic walk and I kept thinking "oh, what about now??" I had the ring stashed in my purse just in case. But he didn't propose, and I wanted to give him space to do it when and how he wanted, so I let it be.
Mike started dropping some hints in the next few days, so I had an increasingly solid idea that he'd go for it on New Years -- he kept saying things about how much he was looking forward to ringing in the new year and how life-alteringly great 2015 was going to be. He also asked "super hypothetically" if he needed to ask my dad for his blessing when we were on the way to my family's Christmas gathering, haha.
So New Year's Eve rolled around, and I was freaking out -- at this point I had started to wonder if he was really going to do it (I know, I know -- in hindsight that was a ridiculous thing to worry about) and worrying about doing it myself.
We had plans to go to a small party (mostly my friends, including Sally, as I mentioned earlier) for dinner, then head to a bigger party (with more of our mutual friends/his friends) to watch the ball drop.
We had just ordered food to be delivered and we're getting ready to play some board games when Mike stopped the party and got everyone's attention. He said some things about how wonderful the past couple of years have been, then he got down on one knee.
I knew what was happening but still managed to blurt out some idiotic phrases -- like mentioning how shiny the ring was -- before he finished his proposal. I said yes, we hugged and kissed, everyone clapped, then I said I had something for him, too.
So then I got down on one knee. :D It was great, he obviously said yes, people laughed at us saying that the proposal/counter-proposal was so us. Sally was so happy she cried.
That brings us to Sally. It turns out that she knew everything -- obviously she knew about my plans, but she knew that Mike planned on proposing on New Years. It also turns out that she tipped Mike off to my plan somewhat.
She asked him what would happen if I proposed first -- which meant that he ended up carrying my ring around all week, too. So we had our rings for each other at the ready in case the other proposed, haha.
I haven't told Mike or Sally about the snooping yet. I'm not sure that I will. I confronted Sally about the teasing a few days before Mike showed up and she finally got it -- she almost cried when she finally realized how much her teasing put me on edge.
She told me that she was really excited for me -- which I get -- but also that she was a little envious because she wants her boyfriend to propose to her. So she acknowledged that she was probably going a bit overboard because of that. She seemed really contrite and I don't want to rub salt in the wound by implying that she drove me to snoop.
That brings me to the final point: I shouldn't have snooped. It served to confirm something I already knew, but by the same token it also made me way more anxious than I needed to be. So it didn't help me at all -- did more harm than good, in fact. And I risked ruining something fun that my boyfriend (er, fiancé) had planned by doing it.
Rest assured that that's a mistake I won't be making again, teasing or no. :P So yes, I'm engaged and it's great -- we've already started looking at venues and working out details, haha. Thanks again for all the advice!
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Sally managed to tip off both of you about the other's proposal? Witch needs to learn how to keep a secret.
throwaderp1234 (OP)
Yeah… Mike and I already discussed maybe not trusting her with secrets like this moving forward.
That proposal is probably the cutest thing I've ever read on here. Congratulations OP! One thing- I would agree with a previous commenter and say that Sally acted really inappropriately in this situation, especially considering she teased Mike too. I wouldn't pursue this issue further with her, but instead just keep an eye on her.
If she was envious enough to mess with proposal plans this way she might pull some other stuff the closer you get to the wedding. If that happens, don't feel bad about putting some distance between the two of you. Best of luck!
throwaderp1234 (OP)
For what it's worth, I honestly don't think she'd pull anything. But I'll keep an eye out just in case. I appreciate your looking out for me. :)
"I'm looking forward to RINGING in the new year" is a top tier pun. What a sweet story.
YAY CONGRATULATIONS! The whole thing sounds adorable and so special, very happy for you, internet stranger! Don't worry about the snooping, it's harmless and really hard to resist - don't beat yourself up or make a big deal out of it.
As for Sally, she totally meant well and sounds like she was sorry for tipping you off so no need to beat a dead horse, maybe just mention to your fiance' (:D!) that next time he needs help planning a surprise for you that he ask a different (more discreet) friend.
Enjoy your newly-engaged bliss and this whole wedding period! I have been married almost a year and still can barely believe it. The whole experience is so surreal and joyful just remember to soak up all the special moments!
There is only one thing I took away from this story. If there is something important going that you don’t want the whole universe to know about: don’t tell f..n Sally.