'My BF spent our anniversary with another girl because my ex visited my parents. AITA?' UPDATED
"My BF spent our anniversary with another girl because my ex visited my parents. AITA?"
Two weeks ago, it was mine and Mark’s anniversary, we’ve been dating for two years. We had plans after he finished work, but he never showed up. I tried to call and text him, but he ignored me all day and didn’t contact me until after 1am.
He was drunk and went on a rant about how I deserved this because I shouldn’t have invited Jason (my ex) to my parents’ house. I was pretty mad at him and told him I thought we should break up.
He ended apologizing profusely and assuring me he would never do something like that again and he was just feeling insecure. I decided to give him a second chance.
To clarify about Jason, we had an amicable break up three years ago because we didn’t like having a long-distance relationship whilst he was away for med school. My dad had a heart attack a week before my anniversary and Jason went to see him since his mom is friends with mine.
Me and Mark turned up whilst he was there. Jason was discussing some of the treatment options the doctors had given my dad with my mom. He left a little while later.
When he left, my mom made a comment about how helpful Jason was. Mark mentioned later that he didn’t like that Jason was there or what my mom said about him, but I reassured him he was there as a family friend and not an ex. He seemed to be over it after that.
Yesterday, Mark’s friend Penelope mentioned how Mark had gone out with her and a group of her friends that day. I’m furious because he told me he had spent the day at a bar alone getting drunk. Mark doesn’t understand why I’m angry over this since I already forgave him for missing our anniversary. Would breaking up with him be an overreaction?
Edit to add more info: My parents are nice to my bf, they like him and have never mentioned Jason to him until this happened. They still talk to him (Jason) if they see him whenever he comes back for a visit but as far as I know they don't go out of their way to keep in contact with him anymore. I stopped talking to Jason 3 months into dating my bf because he (my bf) said he didn't like it.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Yeah, dude. This is some double-standard manipulative BS. Trust is VERY hard to repair in relationships and the fact that he wanted to "get back" at you is so childish. Adults talk about their problems. Children act out and then beg for forgiveness.
So what you're saying is that your father had a heart attack and instead of being concerned about you or your family he threw a hissy fit about the fact that your ex helped them.
Then he blew you off on purpose as retribution for someone helping your ailing father, then lied about the details of his blowing you off despite "not understanding" why the details that he lied about were important.
Lol I love how he skipped your anniversary intentionally to piss you off then got sad when you wanted to break up. This guy is a clown, get rid of him.
Four days later, the OP returned with an update.
After I posted my original post, I asked Mark for some space to think and went to stay with my parents. He was upset but said he would respect my decision. He did send me one text after I left which said he was sorry, and he loved me.
Jason’s mom called me the day after to ask if she could give him my number. This was very random since he’s always respected my decision not to stay in touch with him, so I figured it had to be something important.
I gave her the go ahead and Jason called me later in the day. He sounded pretty irritated on the phone and asked me to tell my boyfriend to leave him alone. Mark had been harassing him on facebook all day since I moved out.
He’d sent him some nasty and threatening messages and he also commented on every picture that included me on his profile. Mark’s messages read like he was drunk, not that that is an excuse. Jason did block him, but Mark kept making new accounts. I was super embarrassed by his behavior and apologized to Jason and told him I’d talk to Mark.
Mark denied it. He tried to say Jason faked the screenshots he sent me to make Mark look bad. When I told him I didn’t believe him, he got angry and tried to twist it back onto me again.
He asked me why Jason even had my number, why we were even talking to each other and he accused me of letting him ruin our relationship. He also made a comment about how I should just go sleep with Jason if that’s what I wanted.
I think my relationship is dead. I wanted to try to address his jealousy and how he handles it to see if we could work things out, but he just isn’t willing/able to talk about it without getting defensive.
The last conversation I had with Jason was him sending me a screenshot of Mark apologizing to him but this just feels performative now. I don’t really know what I’ll do now but I’ll post a final update when I’ve made my decision.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Wow. Mark really let his jealousy ruin his relationship. How embarrassing!
I snickered at his comment saying she’s “letting Jason ruin their relationship” when he is clearly doing that himself, and too self centered and irrational to understand that. Good riddance.
The second someone tries to punish or take revenge on their partner instead of talking things out like adults, it’s over.