'AITA for not skipping a job interview to support my boyfriend after his dog died?'
"AITA for not skipping a job interview to support my boyfriend after his dog died?"
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and we don't live together. He has a dog, Rex, 14 years old. Recently I was in the selection process for my dream job and I reached the last stage which would be a formal interview with one of the bosses in a city 4 hours from mine.
This job has always been my dream because it is an area that I have always loved and the selection process is one of the most difficult and lasted almost 8 months. Rex was getting a little sick, he had to stay in the hospital for a few days, but the vets were hopeful, when I went to travel he would be discharged the next day.
I went on Sunday night, Monday afternoon was my interview and I would be back on Tuesday morning (I don't like to take the road at night). 30 minutes before the interview, my boyfriend called in tears with the news that Rex had a complication and passed away.
Obviously I was comforting him over the phone, trying to calm him down. After about 20 minutes, he asked if I could get on the road to be with him. I said yes, of course, I would do an interview and as soon as I got my things at the hotel, I would hit the road. He was quiet, said okay and wished me good luck.
The interview was great and the next day I was offered the position, but it lasted longer than expected (what was suppose to be 30 min lasted 1h15). As soon as I finished, I texted and called, but no response, so I went to the hotel and took the road arriving at 7PM at his house, I went straight there.
When I arrived, he said that he had already buried Rex and that he didn't need my support anymore if I literally chose my career over supporting him emotionally in this loss.
I tried to talk to him saying that it would have taken me at least 4 hours to help him and as soon as the interview ended, which lasted longer than I thought, I tried to talk to him. But he closed the door on my face.
We're not talking, I don't know if we're going to continue our relationship, I've brought this up to some friends of mine and some have said that, in fact, I made my career choice over him and his feelings are valid.
I really don't think it is, because anyway I wouldn't be with him for 4 hours and I tried as soon as I could to talk to him, but I couldn't abandon the most important interview?
So, strangers, AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers:
NTA-
1. A selection process that takes 8 MONTHS and for what? You were already in another city when it happened and you consoled him before your interview.
2. Unexpected things always happen and to miss out on your dream job would be unreasonable. If something that was hard on him happened every time you had something to attend or places to be, then you would be putting your life on hold. And then you would need to ask if it would be the same the other way around
3. Wouldn’t you be there for him after the interview and I’m assuming after that too? If it takes him one day to grieve then yeah I guess it’s important.
4. He wished you good luck so he knew you were doing the interview. If it were that important he should have said that he wanted you to come immediately.
5. It’s a dog?? HIS dog that you don’t live with. There’s only so much you can do.
Edit -to people who disagree with #5. I say this as someone who has no pets. Although, Im highlighting the fact that this is how he acted when a dog died. Who knows how he would act if a friend/family member passed.
Lowkey feels like sabotage
Nothing low key about it. BF used the dog to emotionally blackmail her into ruining her chance at bettering herself and moving on.
If this happened to me, I wouldn't have even called my SO until after the interview. There was nothing she could do at that time. And him dropping that bombshell on her right before the interview could have thrown her off her game. (Luckily it didn't.) This BF made an awful choice.
NTA. OP left within 2ish hours of the phone call and had a 4 hour car ride after competing for a dream job (process for which was 8 months long).
What did the boyfriend want? OP to lose this opportunity to arrive home 2 hrs earlier? I get that he was grieving the loss of his companion… and hopefully once the pain gets less sharp, he can realize he was being unreasonable. But OP should probably reconsider those friendships.
NTA, your ex-bf is a controlling, self-centered AH. You were 4 hours from home, you can't teleport, and you offered to drive back that night, despite your worries about long night drives.
This isn't primarily about Rex, your BF thinks of you as an extension or accessory rather than as a full person with a life outside of his. And I'm saying this as someone with dogs I love very much. I think the problem was that you were pursuing your own thing and he absolutely could not respect that.
If Rex hadn't died, you'd be a bitch for going when his dog was sick, or if Rex was fine, you'd be a villain for not thinking about how your new career might make your BF feel inadequate or lonely or whatever nonsense.
Look, it sucks that Rex died, and I'm sure your bf is very sad about it, but his treatment of you is still inexcusably childish and crappy. You can do better.
Can we take a second to remember that he called her thirty minutes before her interview for her dream job to give jarring news?! What a monster.