'My BF says he knows I cheated on him while doing study abroad... but I didn't.' UPDATED

"My [23F] boyfriend [25M] of 3 years says he knows I cheated on him while doing study abroad... but I didn't."

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We are long distance. We're from the same home town but he goes to school in another state, so we see each other over summer and most holidays.

This past summer I did study abroad in Peru for 2 months. It was one of the most amazing experiences and I had so much fun. I didn't have a phone or regular internet so I communicated with email every couple of days. I told my boyfriend this would be the case before leaving and he said it was okay.

When I got back, he was excited to see me, and I was excited to see him, but I was very tired and honestly fell asleep within minutes of first seeing him. I'd literally gotten off the plane just an hour before.

When I woke up he seemed pissed. I asked what was up and he just started asking how my trip was. I told him it was fun, told him about my friends, etc. Then all of a sudden he says, "I know you cheated on me." At this point I'm confused. I just said "What..?" and he said "I know you did. It's okay. It's whatever"

Well, I didn't cheat on him. There were only 4 other guys on the trip. Two had girlfriends, one was incredibly gay, and the only single straight one was hooking up with this other girl the whole time. I told him this and he just kept saying he knew I cheated on him.

I asked people on the trip and nobody said anything to him. They're all just as confused as me. I asked my boyfriend why he thinks I did and he said "I just know".

The weird thing is that he's saying he's okay with it, but still keeps bringing it up that I cheated on him. It's pissing me off because I didn't. I had a lot of opportunities to, and never even got close to taking them. I told him the only guy I did anything close with was my gay friend, and all we did was dance at a club together. He started saying "Well I don't know if it was one of your friends or a local" ... what the hell dude?

I don't know what to do. He just keeps saying I cheated, but I didn't. He also says he doesn't care, but brings it up. I can't figure out how to convince him otherwise aside from the face this is a TOTALLY RIDICULOUS IDEA he has anyway. We had literally NO TIME to even TALK to local people there enough to hook up with them because we were busy every day and all day doing things.

Is this break up worthy..? I love him but have no idea why he'd be doing this.

tl;dr: Did study abroad for 2 months, boyfriend is convinced I cheated but says he "doesn't care"... but I did not cheat.

This is what people had to say to OP:

Mrs_Patrick_Sharp said:

Ask your boyfriend for the evidence he has to support his claim. I honestly think he cheated on you and is projecting his cheating onto you in hopes you'll confess so he can break up with you and not tell you he cheated and avoid being an giant asshole for cheating.

OP responded:

Honestly I've been wondering this myself. Maybe he's saying he doesn't care and he's gonna drop the bomb that HE did and hope I don't care.

The only thing is that like... I can't imagine how he'd cheat. He has NO female friends, and neither do any of his male friends. He's kind of weird and nerdy.

the_Zambony said:

"he said 'I know you did. It's okay. It's whatever'" Here is my take. He doesn't know, but is claiming to know and indicates that it is ok to create a safe space for you to admit to cheating if you did. In other, words it's a bluff to get you to spill since he has no real way to know for sure.

TheOpus said:

Did HE cheat on you?

OP responded:

See I've been wondering this. Maybe him saying that he doesn't care is in hopes that if he tells me he was cheating I'll also say I don't care (woops, not happening)

eatingbread said:

He's crazy. Don't date crazy people.

OP responded:

I'm starting to think this is true, to be honest.

Two days later, OP shared this update:

Okay, so I want to thank everyone for all of the advice. I really appreciate it that so many people cared to give their ideas. A lot of people thought cheating, but some suggested he was just insecure.

Last night I asked him to come over. I should have mentioned in OP that the original event actually happened in mid August. When it FIRST happened after enough I said "Listen, you're pissing me off, stop saying that I did something I didn't do" and he just said "Okay, sorry".

But then proceeded to occasionally bring it up since August until now. Also we are long distance, kind of. He goes to school in another state, but is from my home town. He's been here the past few days due to family issues.

So when he was over I asked him why he feels so strongly I cheated, and at first he tried to brush it off. I kept pressing him and finally he said "I just don't feel like you could go somewhere like that with a bunch of guys and nothing would happen". I told him "Well, you go to Florida for most of the year for school with a bunch of girls. So are you saying that you don't think I could do it because you've done something?"

Well, he flew off the handle and FREAKED out. Started yelling that he was so pissed I'd even think to accuse him of cheating. That he never had and never will. That I KNEW about any time a girl came on to him too strong because he'd tell me about it (which is true).

I just sat there and watched him and then finally asked "Well how is it ridiculous for me to ask you that, but you think it's ridiculous that I even argue that I never cheated?" He just said that "He knows me" and "He knows what I'd do".

Finally I just got pissed and said that if he can't trust me and thinks so lowly of me we probably shouldn't be together. He started going off then saying "See!!! I knew you cheated!!" I got fed up with the crazy and told him to go. He asked if I was breaking up with him, and I said no. I said no because I figured if I said yes he wouldn't leave, but I felt pretty sure that's what I wanted to do.

After he left, called up his brother who I am sometimes close to and told him the story. He was surprised by how crazy he was but also told me that my boyfriend's last girlfriend (his first) had cheated on him, so he probably just thinks that of everyone now. He told me that my boyfriend has some massive anger issues and has been known to get physical with people/objects when angry.

He also told me about a bunch of other crazy things my boyfriend has done... including "running away" from home as a 20 year old when he didn't get his way, cussing out his mom and telling her to die when she took his brother's side over a petty argument.. etc.

Some other minor things were that my boyfriend has apparently stated he "never wants to move out of his parents" house and continue making youtube videos for the rest of his life.

That and how stupid my boyfriend acted to me over me doing literally nothing made me decide I wanted to end it. I called up my boyfriend and told him it's over. I'm pretty sad about it, I do love him, but I don't wanna deal with crazy dick.

Plus it's pretty lame we've been together three years and he still thinks he wants to live with his parents forever. I've asked him a million times what he wants to do when he's out of college. He just says "I don't know"

tl;dr: Accused me more and more of the same thing. He didn't cheat, probably, but is crazy as hell, so we broke up.