'My BF uninvited me to Thanksgiving with his family and won't explain why.' UPDATED

"My (25F) boyfriend (26M) uninvited me to thanksgiving with his family. Why?"

His mom invited me to their family’s thanksgiving. It is a 4 day event where the entire family gets an Airbnb and has giant dinners. They also go do fun events together during these four days. My boyfriend is ok with me going to the dinners that aren’t on actual thanksgiving day and he’s fine with me going to the events. However, he does not want me to go to actual thanksgiving dinner.

He told me he wants me to spend thanksgiving with my own family and that sometimes his mom forgets that other people have families. The thing is tho, I don’t have a family thanksgiving to go to. My mom will be out of the country and my sister will be at my dad’s house (I am not welcome there). I told my boyfriend this thinking he would then say “oh, I didn’t know, ok, you can come to my family’s thanksgiving”.

However, he did not say that, he just gave me a face of sympathy and then continued to watch family feud on the tv. I find this strange and Im trying to understand why he would want to go solo to the thanksgiving. I’ve had casual dinners with his family and was his plus one for his sister’s wedding. Why would he uninvite me?

Any theories? This is what top commenters had to say:

bongwaterbukkake said:

You should probably ask him this instead of us. It’s hard to say for sure what reasons he may have, and when you brought it up it seems to me you may not have been direct enough.

My partner would respond the same way, and instead of getting in my head about it I would directly tell him I don’t have anywhere to be, so I can still make it to his family’s unless there’s a reason he doesn’t want me to, leaving him the floor to speak.

You need to ask him, bottom line. All we can do is speculate here and it isn’t going to help you find answers. In a healthy relationship, this should be easy to navigate just by a conversation. Good luck to you!

edoyle2021 said:

You got to talk to him and just be very direct. It is strange that he knows you don’t have a family dinner to go to, his mom invited you, and he doesn’t want you to go.

You could say “ Hey, boyfriend. You know that I don’t have family to be with on thanksgiving; Why did you uninvite me to your family’s thanksgiving but it’s ok if I participate in other activities that are not on thanksgiving?”

Then just sit back and really listen to his answer. Really listen, think about what he’s saying and take your time to respond.

And wantful_things said:

His mom invited you and he uninvited you. So you would be with them all at the Airbnb but have to leave only on Thanksgiving to…go be alone? Somewhere? Then come back and hangout after? This is WEIRD and id ask wtf is up. He didn’t even say anything when you had to remind him you wouldn’t have anywhere to go? Idk what your relationship is like but this sounds bizarre to me and makes 0 sense.

keij822 said:

It sounds to me like he was assuming you had a family conflict for actual Thanksgiving and was giving you an out, and not actually uninviting you because he doesn’t want you there. Which would make more sense as to why he didn’t respond after you said you don’t have anywhere else to go. Ask him to clarify but I think you might be misinterpreting what he said and was trying to do.

OP responded:

This is possible, and what Im hoping for, but sadly I don’t think this is the case. He’s pretty pushy when he wants something so if he wanted me there he wouldn’t have given me an out

keij822 responded:

I get that, but there’s a very subtle difference between not wanting you there and wanting you not there. The former is where he was giving you an out to feel free to be with your family bc it didn’t matter to him if you were there anyway. The latter is where he doesn’t want you there at all for some reason.

Given that he’s on board with you joining for the rest of the four days, I’m optimistic for you that it was just a misunderstanding and his intention was the former. And then he got awkward when you reminded him you have no family thing bc he can’t relate since his family is obviously really close and makes a huge thing of the holiday.

And OP replied:

I feel like this is very possible. He doesn’t care either way and assumed every family has a thanksgiving. The him assuming stuff about my fam feels super possible, not that it’s been a problem with him specifically, but it’s been a problem with anyone who’s parents are still together

Edit: its very possible that he doesn’t care either way and assumed every fam has a thanksgiving. Im not saying that is absolutely the case tho, idk if that’s what’s happening, just saying it feels very possible

The next day, she shared this update:

I took your advice and I talked to him directly. I am now back to being invited to his family’s thanksgiving and I will be going. His reason for uninviting me: He didn’t want my mom to be upset with him for taking me away during a holiday (he was imagining that she would be alone if I went to his family’s thanksgiving).

Why he didn’t re-invite me the moment I told him (while he was watching tv) that my mom was going to be out of the country: He was surprised and brain farted. The end :) Side note: I really did not appreciate all the comments saying that he’s cheating on me.

Phew!