'My BF's best friend cheated on his GF numerous times. Today I found out my BF knew and actually helped his friend cheat.' UPDATED.
"My boyfriend's best friend cheated on his girlfriend of 5 years numerous times. Today I found out that my boyfriend knew about it and actually helped his friend cheat."
My boyfriend "Sami" and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and have a wonderful relationship. His best friend "Jon" is really nice too and I get along great with him. Jon had been dating "Lauren" for the past 5 years and because our SO's are lifelong best friends, her and I also developed a good friendship.
About two weeks ago, Lauren discovered that Jon had been cheating on her with multiple partners. There was a ton of evidence and Lauren broke up with him immediately.
I felt bad about the situation, because Lauren had become a friend to me too. I talked to my boyfriend about how I didn't like the fact that his best friend is a cheater. I'm a big believer that the company you keep says a lot about you.
He said that the whole thing had caught him by surprise too, but insisted that he and Jon were friends because they had similar hobbies and circle of friends, and that he loved me too much to ever hurt me like that.
Fast forward to today when I called Lauren to meet up and have lunch sometime with each other. This was the first time I had called her after their breakup, and I wanted her to know that there was no reason why our friendship had to end.
Lauren was FURIOUS on the line saying stuff like "How dare you call me after you helped him cheat on me? I thought you were my friend, you should have told me!" I got her to calm down and explained that I had no idea that Jon was cheating, and if I had known I would have told her right away.
That's when she told me that my boyfriend, Sami, knew that Jon was cheating and had covered for Jon literally dozens of times. Stuff like "Oh yeah Lauren, Jon's at my house we're hanging out" and "Jon's at his nephew's baseball game, he said he'll be back around 4", just blatantly lying to cover for his best friend.
Lauren sent me pictures and screenshots that proved without a doubt that my boyfriend had known about it for YEARS and actively helped his friend cheat on his girlfriend.
I'm beyond furious. What the two of them did to Lauren is horrible. But I'm also scared, because if his best friend is a cheater and he helped his best friend cheat, what does that say about him? He literally saw Lauren every single week and referred to her as "my little sister" and had no problem looking her in the eyes and lying.
This all happened just today and I'm seeing my boyfriend this weekend and I'm literally angry to the point where I'm ready to break up with him. Am I wrong for getting mad at him over helping his best friend do something horrible?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
I wonder how many times Jon covered for Sami cheating.
Damn, this is really bad. My first thought if I were you would be to wonder if Jon has ever covered for your boyfriend. This opens a huge can of worms. What else do they cover for each other? If I had a girlfriend cover like this for a friend, I'd be disgusted.
It sounds like he did it a ton, too. I'd break up. This says a lot about his character. I'm sure he'll give you the whole, "But I'm just looking out for my best friend!" nonsense. I wouldn't hear it. This would be an ender.
I'd break up with him. His behavior is staggeringly disrespectful--of you, of your friend, perhaps of women in general, of monogamous relationships and the idea of consent.
Agreed, but I don't know how this is disrespectful of women in general. Morality isn't gender-selective.
"He said that the whole thing had caught him by surprise too."
He lied to you about his friends awful actions, and who knows how many other lies he's told you, you CAN'T trust him.
He contributed to keeping Lauren in the dark and damaging her. I would totally break up with him, there's no chance I would remain in a relationship with someone I can't trust.
Two months later, the OP returned with an update.
I was initially going to see my Sami just a few days after I found out what happened, but canceled on him. I took the weekend to think, talk to a few friends and read over the comments to my original post.
After a bit of thinking, I decided to break up with him. Sami lied to me, lied to our mutual friend Lauren, covered up for cheating, and knew full well that his friend Jon was having sex with multiple girls and doing it "raw". He basically decided his friendship with a cheater was more important than Lauren being exposed to STDs. That was the deal breaker.
I called Sami on Tuesday and asked him to meet up with me in a public place. When we got there, I told him what Lauren had told me. He initially denied, denied, denied. But I think he could see from the look on my face that I wasn't about to be fooled.
He literally looked me in dead the eyes and said, "To be honest, wouldn't it be worse if I was the kind of wuss who didn't cover for his friends? Don't you want a man who is loyal?"
God help me, I was upset talking to him but he said that I burst out laughing. What he was saying was just so ridiculous but he said it as though he was a martyr. I stopped laughing after a second but the look on his face changed completely. He leaned in and said "You stupid witch, you think Jon was the only one messing around?"
He's never cussed at me before or said anything with so much anger, especially not with the intent to hurt me, but for some reason I just didn't care. I thought so little of him at that moment that his opinion didn't matter to me. It was actually kind of a comfort that he said that to me because it proves that he's a monster. "When people show you who they are, believe them."
So I just got up and left. I picked up Chipotle then went home and watched "Making a Murderer". A few hours later I called Lauren and explained to her everything that happened.
She comforted me then advised me to get tested immediately. She ended up coming with me for support to get tested and then a week later I got the results that I'm clean (and so is Lauren btw). And that was that.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
"He leaned in and said 'You stupid witch, you think Jon was the only one messing around?'"
Birds of a feather flock together. You did good OP! Dodged a huge bullet and didn't sink to his level.
Wow. You handled that well. I'm sorry both your boyfriends turned out to be so...I'm struggling to find the right word. Awful? I hope you and Lauren go on to find men much more worthy of you.
Smart to do it in public.
He dropped the mask fast when she laughed in his face.
These men are truly a special kind of terrible. They don't see women as people, just objects. Given the rise of "alpha male" tiktoks, red-pill/black-pill rhetoric, and lack of repercussions on misogynists in places of power, it's been sad to see that there's even more men like this today than when OOP posted. Hope it changes.
My favorite part was that she ditched this AH and that she and Lauren are clean (may Sami and Jon be afflicted with chronic hemorrhoids for the rest of their lives). But my 2nd favorite part was that she went home and watched Making a Murderer after. These women deserve a fantastic run of good fortune and luck from here on out and I hope they get it!
Ohhh that latent hostility, disdain and disrespect couldn't wait to come out so he could let her know exactly what he thought of her. And oh yeah birds of a feather and all that..
Wow, I feel sorry for Sami. He's going to wreck every relationship he's in. He's never going to find true happiness, satisfaction or contentment. His life, his entire soul, will be swallowed up in lies and he will ultimately destroy himself. Thank God OP got out of that, that she saw his lack of trust and integrity as serious enough to warrant a break up. Good for her!!