'My BF's best friend has been squatting in our house for over a year. I don't know what to do.'
"My BF's best friend has been squatting in our house for over a year. I don't know what to do."
June 2023, my bf (26 at the time)'s best friend (same age), whom we'll call "Sam" got married. May 2024, she kicks him out of the house and we agree he can stay in our guest room (presumably for a few weeks) while they worked things out.
June 2024, she tells him she would like a divorce. The details of the divorce and why the marriage didn't work out aren't entirely relevant- there was no infidelity- they were two people who weren't compatible at the end of the day.
She had really wanted to be a bride, get married, have a wedding, and didnt really think about the reality of building a life with a man who has the problems that Sam does. Sam is an addict, primarily with alcohol and gambling.
He truly loved her and had hoped to get one last chance (which imo she did not owe him, as sad as that reality was), and was in a really tough spot in the wake of the divorce.
He couldn't afford his own place right away, so his options were 1. Live with his parents, including his narcissistic, recovered alcoholic mother and a dog who might accidentally harm his cat, or 2. Live with us.
At the time we felt more comfortable with option 2, and my bf attempted to arrange for him to pay a small amount of rent (less that 1/3 of what a studio apartment costs near us) in exchange for staying in our guest room.
By September/October of 2024 he was through the worst of the emotions triggered by the divorce, and my bf started trying to have more serious conversations about him moving out.
Oftentimes, these conversations would happen after we discovered he had trashed the guest room (garbage everywhere, a pile of empty cans, bottles, and food containers in the corner, dried mammal vomit on the rug (unsure if it was cat or human) and litter everywhere).
He also initially kept his cats litter box in his room, which would've been fine if he scooped it daily. He would wait weeks, and then do one big clean of it when we finally would get upset at him.
Our guest room is downstairs next to the living room, so we couldn't watch TV or spend time together downstairs in our home without smelling cat feces. Eventually he moved the litter box to the basement.
About a month ago we finally kicked him out of the guest room and he's staying in our (unfinished, damp, New England) basement, in a room that the previous owners used to grow weed. He rarely pays rent. Most of the time he will give my bf $500-$1000 after spending the evening at the casino.
At the same time, he would (he has slowed down recently) get a new tattoo practically every week. His credit is trash, which makes it hard for him to find an apartment of his own.
Plus, why would he go anywhere? He gets away with staying here as it is. My bf is worried that if he escalates and kicks him out, it'll harm their friendship. Ive tried to explain to him that letting things go on like this will destroy their friendship in the end.
My bf is being taken advantage of, but he has a hard time accepting it. I feel like I'm on the sidelines even though I live in the house too. I want Sam out so freaking bad, and my bf does too but for some reason cant bring himself to actually kick him out for good. What can I do?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Get some legal advice on the best way to kick him out, because it’s likely to be complicated. If he’s been paying you at all, then he’s a tenant not a squatter, and in some jurisdictions that means you owe him notice of a certain period for eviction.
You may need a lawyer to pursue eviction if he refuses to leave even after notice, as it may take a court order to get local law enforcement to execute a forced eviction. Good luck.
dreezypeeezy (OP)
It looks like in my state we need to give him a formal written "Notice to Quit," and then after a period of 30 days we'd send the sherif in with a summons and complaint. As much as I hate the pigs, I'm at my wits end. Then I'd file the complaint with the court, we'd get a date, an then we can have the state's assistance in physically evicting him. I'm 100% okay being the bad guy here.
You need to give your boyfriend a deadline that either the friend moves out or you do. And mean it.
dreezypeeezy (OP)
Did this last night. Im obligated to work through the end of the semester, so I told him that when my classes are done I'm going back with my parents to get away until either Sam moves out or he ends our 4 year relationship.
The timing couldn't suck worse though. his mum was showing me photos on her phone and accidentally scrolled past one of the exact engagement ring I've talked about wanting. Ive been trying to focus on the 60-70 years i want to spend with my bf instead of the awful situation we're in right now.
Kick him out! We once had a moocher stay with us three long years! I regret my people pleasing so much! My husband and I rarely fight, but our worst battles happened during those three years! Call his parents, kick him out and keep the cat!!!
Tell your boyfriend his friend can go get a couple of roommates and get an apartment or a house to rent. That you’re tired of him living with you guys, that you’ll be more than happy to keep his animals if he goes to his parent’s house but you want him gone ASAP.