Woman won't let sister's polyamorous partners come on family trip; sister is livid.
When this woman is annoyed with her sister's partners, she asks Reddit:
'AITA for refusing to accept the couple in my sister's polyamorous relationship as family?'
My sister has apparently been in a polyamorous relationship with another couple for several years and only recently disclosed the nature of their relationship. When I thought they were just friends I hung out with them twice and both times I didn't really like them.
My sister kept trying to invite them to small family-only events, which annoyed me and my family but no one wanted to say anything to her. She finally claimed to be in a relationship with these people when she tried to invite them to my parent's camp in summer 2020.
The camp is very small with close sleeping quarters and not enough room for everyone, so I told her I didn't want them coming. Covid was also a big issue. Also they came the previous summer and it was horrible.
They stayed up late keeping me (8 months pregnant) awake and were constantly in and out of the camp until like 1 in the morning waking me up every time) they freeloaded all meals off my parents, invited their two teenage children without even asking, etc (this is one of the two meetings with them that soured me on them initially).
So when she wanted to invite them again in summer 2020 I said not while I'm there due to the space issue and that I have a 1 year old during covid.
She got very defensive, insisted they are family and if I get to bring my husband and child she should get to bring them.
I told her her friends aren't the same, and so for the first time she claims to be in a relationship with them and insists they are family. I was taken aback because she has a live in boyfriend and the couple had recently gotten married.
Despite this, she insisted we all should have known what was going on. I told her I was fine with her being in whatever relationship she wanted to be in but that didn't change my stance I didn't want them at camp while I was there.
My parents told her due to covid they could not come. she was very mad. So then Christmas 2020 and she invited them to our parent's house (without asking) for our immediate family-only Christmas Eve get together.
I told her they were not family and should not be at our family Christmas, besides covid was raging, I had a one year old child and was about 8 weeks pregnant. She was furious. We got in a huge fight.
She kept insisting they were family so I let her have it on how awful they were and that I'm not going to just consider someone family because she says I have to and so far I didn't really care for them.
So now she's claiming I have an issue with her lifestyle despite the fact I have repeatedly told her I don't care who she dates, I just have an issue with how she has foisted these people on our family with no explanation and just expected us to welcome them with open arms despite our really obnoxious experiences with them.
I even told her I'd be willing to get to know them better but she insists I have an issue with her lifestye. We aren't currently speaking. Am I the asshole here?
Let's find out.
kkicnic writes:
YTA. every other sentence of OPs post is trashing the relationship. Of course the sister thinks OP doesnt respect her Poly relationship because she clearly doesnt.
She would probably get significantly more traction if she only mentioned how shitty their behavior was but you cant honestly tell me that reading that you think she believes her sister is in a poly relationship or that OP respects it at all.
It sounds like these people suck. I wouldnt want them around either.
'she claims to be in a relationship' 'She finally claimed to be in a relationship with these people' 'she has a live in boyfriend and the couple had recently gotten married'
OP doesnt talk about the relationship at all without insinuating it's not real.
farseat2233 disagrees:
NTA. The issue (according to you) is not her polyamory, but the behavior of her partners, am I right?
Look if I brought my husband or whomever I was seeing to a family thing and they kept my family up and were disruptive, I wouldn’t see it as them having an issue with my relationship but an issue with the behavior and attitude of the person I was seeing.
Which is a legitimate issue from the sounds of it. She never introduced them as her partners until it became an issue. You aren’t a mind reader, there’s no way you could have known.