"I (23F) suspect my boyfriend (24M) of 3 years let my dog escape 5 months ago and wasn’t hoping he’d be found."

I’m very angry and upset right now and I don’t know who to ask about this because it’s 3 in the morning. Tl;dr at the bottom. 5 months ago, I was out shopping for groceries when I got a text from my boyfriend asking if I let my dog out before I left. I told him I didn’t and that he was asleep on the couch when I left and I’d appreciate if he let him out while he was over.

He said of course and that was the end of the conversation until I got home. My apartment has a slider that leads out onto a small yard where my dog does his business. There’s one gate fence that leads out into the parking lot that has to be unlocked from the inside.

When I came home, my boyfriend was in the kitchen waiting for me and said that my dog accidentally got out. He was very apologetic and said he opened the slider to let him out and somehow the gate was open and my dog ran out and he couldn’t catch him.

I spent two months calling around to shelters, humane societies, rescues, animal control, putting up fliers, going to these places to look, asked my neighbors, I looked everywhere for him.

I was heart broken and I basically haven’t stoped crying. My dog has never been one to run even if the gate was open, he loves to be around people and if his people are around, he stays put. I adopted him when he was 3 years old when I got an apartment and he’s my first dog I’m responsible for on my own, not a family dog.

He’s now an older guy, going on 7, he doesn’t have it in him to run away. He knows he has it good and sees running away wouldn’t have any benefits. And beyond that, when I rescued him, he went through training and has very good recall! Not perfect, but he comes 8/10 when he’s called!

And then two days ago I get a call from a vet hospital two hours away saying that they scanned a stray dog and found his microchip matched my information! I may have broken a few speed limits getting to him but he was there! My little man was at the freaking vet hospital! I cried and asked a thousand questions.

He was found in that town wandering the day prior by an amazing woman who brought him to the vet. They said when he was dropped off, he didn’t have a collar on and they asked the woman and she said he was found as is. But he was a little malnourished and dehydrated so the vet put him on a drip and got some food into him and scanned him today when they opened. And then they found me!

I was so overwhelmed and happy and couldn’t even start my car once I got in with him because I couldn’t stop crying for a good 10 minutes. I drove him home, gave him a bath, and called/texted everyone he was home safe! My boyfriend’s response was “Really? Cool 👍”

Then he came over yesterday and obviously all I wanted to do was tell him what happened, but he didn’t even seem like he cared. He just nodded along as I talked. I asked him if something was wrong, but he said he was fine. My dog wouldn’t go near him which was weird considering my dog loved him before. I just figured he was scared to be home with other people at the moment and needed time to adjust.

After my boyfriend left, I couldn’t help but start maybe overthinking which has led to this post. First: My dog wore a martingale collar with his tags on it and the collar had my information stitched into it. And he had his rabies tag, dog license, and an ID tag with his name, address, phone number, and said “I am microchipped!”

For those that don’t know, martingale collars (the one I had on him) are not buckle or break away collars. They have to be physically tightened or loosened to be taken off. Not something my dog could have just slipped when he ran off. At least, not easily. (Don’t come for me for having this collar on him, I now know the risks but I didn’t at the time! He’s now wearing a break away collar!)

Second: He won’t go near my boyfriend. My boyfriend did try to lean down and pet him when he came over yesterday and as soon as my dog noticed, he ran into my bedroom and didn’t leave until my boyfriend left.

Yet, he’s said a very excitable hi to a few of his favorite neighbors, both male and female, young and older. Usually my dog would be walking over to my boyfriend and sitting by him until he acknowledges him with a few pets or a treat.

Third: The gate. It’s a very rare occasion I use that gate. Usually I use my front door, walk down the hallway, and get the mail or leave my apartment that way through the lobby. I almost never go around the building because that means I have to open the door with my keys and it’s a longer route. I don’t remember even using it the week my dog went missing.

It only opens from the inside. And I’ve never once before had an issue with it opening on its own. There’s no damage to it and you can bet I fiddled with it when he first went missing to see if it was broken or there was something wrong with it. Nothing was. It latched fine and closed fine.

Forth: When my dog went missing, my boyfriend, now that I look back on it, wasn’t invested. When I made the first round of fliers to put up, he actually asked “Do you really think these will help?” Looking back, I don’t think he cared one way or another if my dog was found.

Never once before did my boyfriend say anything negative about my dog. He was never overly affectionate or excited that I had a dog, but he would throw the ball and pet him when he came over. They were never best friends cuddling up on the couch, but my dog did see him as someone to play with and hang out with.

Now I feel like I’m going crazy. I think I might be overthinking this? Maybe it was a freak accident and he just ran out the yard because it was open for some reason? Or the alternative is my boyfriend willingly let my dog leave the yard and somehow got him to go away. Because I know my dog and he would never just run unless he thought it was a game or something.

Is this something I ask him about? How do I even bring this up? “Hey, um, did you make my dog run away?” Or is this just something I’m just over exaggerating in my head because I’m happy my dogs home but I’m looking for answers?

tl;dr: My dog went missing 5 months ago from my yard when my boyfriend let him out and I found him two days ago. Now I think I might be overthinking that my boyfriend is the reason my dog ran away because the collar he was wearing isn’t one that a dog could easily get off but wasn’t found wearing it.

My boyfriend was never very affectionate with my dog to begin with, the gate he apparently ran out of wasn’t even opened the week he went missing, and now that I look back on it, my boyfriend seemed like he didn’t care one way or another if my dog was found.

First update:

First off, thank you all for the support, I can’t express how much I appreciate it! I’m so freaking happy he’s home safe! I have not spoken to my boyfriend yet today about this, other than to ask if he was free tonight to talk. He is, so I’m going to talk to him tonight. I apologize for not replying to people, I’ve had a very busy morning. I’ll try to answer people as I go.

I brought him to his usual vet to get checked out this morning. He’s still a little dehydrated and he needs to eat more food, but spread throughout the day. He’s lost weight and needs to get it back on. He’s also exhausted. Otherwise, except for a few scrapes and spots, he’s doing really good!

To put into perspective how far away from home he was, I googled how far my apartment is from the vet office he was found, set it to a walking human speed, and it’s 34 hours away and 99.2 miles away. It may not seem far because of a car or any form of transportation, but for a dog, that’s a long ways to go.

As for motives as to why he would do it, I don’t know. I really don’t. I got my dog a two months after I started dating my boyfriend, but we had been friends for a few months before and he knew I really wanted a dog. When I finally did get my dog, he wasn’t exactly happy about it. He was asking questions like “can you actually afford a dog? And an apartment?

What about when you go to class and work?” He tried to convince me not to adopt him, but I was dead set on it. That said, he wasn’t the only one who was saying these things. My dad was very upset with me for getting a dog until I showed him my entire plan and expenses of it. And then he was fine with it.

However, even though I said I was getting a dog and there were no issues about it, my boyfriend was still saying I was making a mistake. It took him a few weeks to finally get around to even play with him.

I did speak to my landlord about any cameras in the area and he said that he would take a look, but he wasn’t sure if there was one facing near the yard to see if the gate really was open and my dog ran through. That being said, I’ve never had an issue with that gate for as long as I’ve lived here and no one ever uses it. If maintenance needs to come in, they go in through the front door.

And if they needed to be in the yard, they would alert me to let me know they needed, again, to go through my apartment to get there. They don’t use the gates to any of the first floor apartments. I will update when I have more information, but this is all I have right now, I’m sorry it’s not exactly exciting. And just a reminder: please, please microchip your animals if you can! And give them some love!

Second update:

I apologize for my silence since my last update. I appreciate the well-wishes and those who were checking in on me. It’s been a rough few days and I honestly just feel drained and didn’t have it in me to say anything to anyone, I just wanted to be here with Remy.

I talked to my now ex-boyfriend Friday night. I asked again how Remy got out. His story didn’t change, he let him out through the slider into the yard, and Remy ran through the gate that my ex didn’t notice was open.

He chased him through the parking lot, but Remy got away and he couldn’t catch him. And then he went back to my apartment to wait for me. I asked why he didn’t keep looking and he got defensive and asked why I was bringing this up. I laid out every issue I had with his story:

the collar, where he was found, the gate somehow being open, how he didn’t want me to get Remy in the first place, how Remy wouldn’t go near him the other night, how he didn’t want to help me find him when Remy first went missing, trying to tell me it wouldn't help to look for him, and didn’t seem to care when I brought him home.

We started arguing about it and he kept saying the gate was open and he must have just gotten lost on his way home. He was adamant he didn’t have anything to do with Remy running away, saying it was just a freak accident.

I didn’t believe him and I still don’t. I told him the trust between us was gone. The fact that he wasn’t there trying to help me when it was his fault Remy got out and that I had to practically beg him to help me look for him.

I broke up with him, telling him that even if he didn’t have something to do with Remy going missing, he wasn’t there to be supportive and we just weren’t working and it was better now that we ended it. And I should've seen this before, I knew there were issues and I didn’t want to acknowledge them or see them and there’s no one to blame for that but me.

My landlord talked to me Sunday about the camera. Outside my gate is part of the parking lot that wraps around to the back of the building where other residents park. There’s a camera that faces the entrance where the cars come in parallel to the residents’ yards, where my ex said they ran through.

My landlord didn’t see Remy running or my ex chasing him on the tape the day he went missing. I’m not saying it’s definitive proof. Could they both have somehow ran in the blind spot of the camera? I don’t know, I didn't see the tape. It's anyone’s guess at this point. But I’m going with my instinct here.

I got a few common questions and I just wanted to address them here: I was gone for maybe 45-50 minutes after he sent me the text about letting Remy out the day he went missing. My ex was at my apartment because we were going to cook dinner together for date night. We did not live together.

He didn’t usually ask if I let Remy out, but he knew I had a few things to do that day and had been in and out of the apartment. Remy had been home alone for a few hours already and went out about an hour before I left to shop so he probably needed to pee by the time my ex got there after work.

I don’t know what happened to Remy for those 5 months. I don’t know if he was dropped off with a new owner or someone left food out for him and that’s how he’s in relatively good shape.

Did my ex hurt Remy to make him run away or drop him off somewhere? Did nothing happen and my ex just startle him awake which is why he ran away and hid from him the other night? I don’t know. But I wasn’t about to put my dog back in that situation in case he is legitimately now terrified of my ex. That’s not an answer I need.

And for those of you who decided to inbox me and say I’m personifying my dog and that I’m an idiot for thinking he wouldn’t run away or that there’s hundreds of other possibilities and I’m crazy for blaming my ex? Yeah, maybe I am.

Maybe I’m reading too much into the fact that my dog, who used to run up and demand to be pet, barked at my ex, backed up to the end of the couch and then ran away from him, and hid in my bedroom the entire time he was here.

Maybe it was just a coincidence that this totally new behavior, in an almost 7-year-old dog, that didn’t have an issue with anyone else he saw after coming home, was just that, a coincidence. Maybe I am a “nut case” or a “crazy dog person” for “ruining my relationship over a dog.” But either way, I’m happy my dog’s home safe with me.

TL;DR: I broke up with my boyfriend when we talked. He denied everything which wasn’t unexpected. My landlord checked the cameras and the one that is facing parallel to my yard doesn’t show Remy or my ex on it the day he went missing which doesn’t go with my ex’s story. Not definitive proof, but makes me more suspicious.