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Woman feels betrayed after paying for BF for a year while he was secretly rich. AITA?

Woman feels betrayed after paying for BF for a year while he was secretly rich. AITA?

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"AITAH for being upset that my boyfriend lied about being rich?"

My boyfriend and I just had our 1 year anniversary and his 'present' for me was telling me he lied to me for a whole year and he is actually pretty wealthy.

Originally, he told me he was working as a financial assistant at a small accounting firm and his job was to collect and prepare documents for the accountants. He complained about the pay and said he is thinking about going back to school and becoming an accountant himself, but he probably won't be able to afford it.

He told me that the flat he lived in was his grandparents and they rented it to him for cheap and he made sure to emphasise that he could never afford to rent a flat like that - or any flat - without roommates. He asked to borrow money from me a few times and sometimes asked me to pay for him too when we went out.

Turns out, he comes from a pretty wealthy family, he has a master's degree and he is the head of finance at a family friend's well established, lucrative company.

He went to multiple business trips since we started dating, but told me he was visiting his parents/friends/was sick each time. He went into so much made up detail about his life, he even made up fake stories about what happened at work.

On our anniversary, he finally told me the truth. He said that I'd proven myself and acted like he is handing me a winning lottery ticket. He really expected me to be happy, but I just kept asking him about his lies and I'm still very upset.

I have no idea who this person actually is, he lied to me for a whole year about nearly everything, but he acts like I passed a test and I'm the happy winner of his trust. Well, he finally trusts me, but I absolutely don't trust him anymore.

I'm certain this relationship is over, but I don't like to make big decisions when I'm this angry and I always try to imagine myself in the other person's place. But, I'm having a really hard time here. Sure, he might have been burnt in the past, but to wait a whole year and lie to me about everything during?! Am I wrong to be this upset and for not being able to see this from his perspective?

Here were the top rated comments from readers:

lianavan

You proved yourself to him? More like he proved who he is to you.

Alert-Potato

That he thinks a poor person can afford multiple trips a year, requiring time off work and travel is somehow more plausible than a poor person being able to afford to go on fully paid for business trips that don't require use of vacation time is mind boggling. Like, real question, is he really that out of touch/stupid?

All of that aside, the problem isn't that he hid his wealth. Not even for a year. It's that he created elaborate lies to do so. Going on business trips is fairly standard and doesn't require someone be wealthy or in a very high paying job.

My husband goes on business trips one to three times a month, and makes less than $20/hr. Did he lie about his education? He lied about work stuff, a lot it seems. It's completely fair that you don't trust him. He's not trustworthy.

Low_Actuary_2794

NTA. Dude carried on a charade for over a year and convinced you if it. Can only imagine the other things he’s hiding.

RE_Towers

NTA. You mentioned the level of detail that he added to his lies, including not just fabricating the broad strokes, but also day to day experiences. That's pathological. Now imagine what it'll be like when he has something that he has a real reason to lie about, rather than something that could have been dismissed by 'I don't want to talk about that'.

And as for it being a 'test', well expect to be tested at every single junction of your relationship from now on. Have a friend he doesn't like? Expect to be tested on whether you'd pick him over anyone else.

Maybe he suspects you of cheating? You're going to have to pass his test on where you were, who you were with, and why. Have a disagreement on how whether you want to have children? Well, you can guess what that test will be.

I mean, sure you could bet that the man you know nothing about other than he's happy to lie to your face is not going to keep lying to your face, but on the other hand, when someone reveals who they are, believe them.

I mean, I could also point out that you mentioned very little about his personality, like is he a generous tipper, have you actually met any of his friends (what kinds of people does he associate with), and that money he borrowed, his much was it and did he actually pay you back?

But even so, keep in mind that any and all of that could be carefully curated as part of this cavalcade of lies he's been telling you.

wlfwrtr

Not wrong. He could have just not discussed finances with you but instead he chose to make up elaborate lies. He's an expert liar. You'll never be able to fully trust him in the future which means there's no future with him.

So, do you think the OP is right to be angry about being lied to or should money not matter?

Sources: Reddit
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