I have an Instagram account dedicated to photos and short videos of food from local restaurants in my city. I don't turn meals into a whole photoshoot production when I go out, but I like to snap a few photos of everything as it comes out.
I've got about 1000 followers. It's just a hobby for me but I have made friends with some other bloggers and we like to go out and get pics together and try new restaurants.
I prefer doing this with my foodie girls because my boyfriend HATES it, and will go out of his way to take a big bite of food or mess up his plate with his fork before I can snap any pics, and he rolls his eyes when I take pics of my own food so I pretty much stopped bothering when we went out together.
Money has been tight lately because of some medical bills, so I haven't been able to go out to eat with my foodie girls and the infrequent date with my boyfriend is the only chance I get to eat out.
I had to sit him down and have a 'Look, just let me enjoy things,' conversation with him and told him I was gonna take pics of my own food when we went out and could he please just not be immature about it.
And since we alternate who pays for dates, I told him I would appreciate it if he could spare the 30 seconds for me to snap a pic of the appetizer + his meal on nights that I was paying, and I got a sort of half-hearted 'do whatever you want' confirmation.
Sunday was my turn to pay, and he let me take a pic of the appetizer with minimal fussing. But then when the entrees came out, I went to snap a pic of his and he messed it up with his fork. Then he reached over and stirred up MY pasta to also ruin the photo of my own meal!
I was so pissed off by that that I refused to pay his half at the end of the meal, which pissed him off because he said he wouldn't have ordered a cocktail if he knew that I was gonna skip my turn. He says I owe him one because I don't get to just decide not to pay according to our agreement after we've already ordered.
ESH. But seriously. Stop taking pictures of HIS food. That should be an agreement you can both agree to. I highly doubt that you snap a quick picture. I’m guessing you have to get the plate just right. Silverware set. Stand up and get a good angle maybe?
He likely just wants to go on a date with you and not deal with the situation. But it’s your hobby so work it out. But leave his food alone- even when you pay.
CapitalMess100 OP responded:
Okay, well, that isn't true. It has never once taken me more than 45 seconds to get pictures of any plate, and it's 10-15 seconds most of the time. Phone cameras are pretty good these days, and it's not like I'm expecting any of these photos to hang in a museum.
If you have to create an alternate version of reality in order for your argument to make sense, I think that says more about you than me.
You're being extremely myopic and refuse to hear that some people, including your BF, detest this behavior, and consider it embarrassing, disruptive, and outright cringey.
CapitalMess100 OP responded:
No, I'm getting pissed off that I'm correctly stating how much time my own hobby takes, and a dozen people who have never participated in my hobby are jumping down my throat and insisting that it actually takes much longer, based on zero information except their own biases.
And then they get mad at me like 'oh methinks the lady doth protest too much' when I assert that I do in fact have a functioning sense of time. Like, what am I supposed to say to that? 'Aw shucks, you caught me! I actually spend 2 hours making a whole stop-motion animation of the food, and I set up a bunch of lights and do a handstand in my chair to get the perfect angle ❤️'
I don't know about you, but 'Food Instagrammer' doesn't scream 'mature' to me.
CapitalMess100 OP responded:
Can you explain what specifically is immature about me?
ESH. You absolutely do not get to tell other people to wait to eat their food so you can indulge your social media addiction. He went too far in messing with your own food, but frankly I don't blame him for being fed up.
I grew up with zero phones at the dinner table. It's family time and a great way to practice focusing your attention on other people. I would be annoyed at the constant picture taking too. Even if it takes only 30 seconds, I find it rude and pointless.
NTA. It blows my mind that he is so utterly unwilling to do this one small thing that takes less than a minute, yet makes you very happy. He doesn’t have to want to do it himself, but it is such a minor and easy thing to do. I can’t imagine wanting to ruin my partner’s enjoyment to make some kind of vague and useless point.
NTA. Why are you even dating someone who clearly has no respect for you or your hobbies? Dump this a**hole.
NTA. I don't get people who go out of their way to actively ruin other peoples fun. He totally could've just started to eat HIS food. But to mess with yours is just not acceptable.
I'm in a relationship where my bf goes out his way to make my sorry butt happy (drives to a special store to get just me ice cream (lactose intolerant), starts cooking at 8 pm on a sunday because I'm hungry, etc). I, of course do stuff for him too, but he is just the f***ing best.
To me a relationship has to beat being alone. Someone ruining my fun and peace, doesn't cut it.
CapitalMess100 OP wrote:
Ugh, I'm definitely not in 'DTMFA' mode because we are both super stressed. He's sweet most of the time, this just gets under his skin.
It does annoy me that I feel like I cede way more time to his hobbies than he does to mine—he will sit around and play games for a few solid hours while I am over; he calls that 'hanging out' but I don't feel like it's very good quality time. But the literal less than a minute of photo-taking is apparently where he draws the line in the sand.