When this bride is furious with her MOH, she asks Reddit:
My Bridesmaids were 1 friend who I've know since I was 5 years old (May) and my sister. 2 in total.I went back and forth on who I would choose as MOH, but ended up asking the friend, May, early in our engagement.
While the planning starts and suddenly May starts talking to me a lot less. I thought she would help me with some of the planning but she didn't seem to want to hear about it and would often change the subject. I just figured she wanted her space since she has been single for a long time and most her friends were getting married.
I had to basically beg her to come dress shopping with me, and she really didn't say anything during that time. Then Bridesmaid dress try on's which she showed up extremely late and hung over and just had a bad attitude the entire time. The entire appt turned into comforting her by both my sister and I.
My first Bridal shower comes around and she texts me a week before telling me she can't come. Which was really heart breaking and somewhat embarrassing. I only have 2 Bridesmaids so it was very noticeable. I texted May about how much I wanted her there and how hurt I was. She confirmed she would make it work.
The week before the second shower I get a text saying sorry, I can't come. My sister ended up planning the whole thing by herself which they were orginially supposed to do together. Then my bach party also fell on my sister as well. May helped a little but it was mostly my sister and I had to beg May to help. But she showed upright? That's all I asked of her.
At this point I felt like she wasn't doing what we had agreed on for MOH duties and felt my sister deserved it more. My sister never failed to show up and continued to go above and beyond for me every step of the way.
I decided to confront my friend as something clearly seemed off. I asked if she even wanted to be in the wedding to which she said yes. I decided to give it some thought before I broke the news that I don't think she should be my MOH and that conversation didn't feel like the right time.
Leading up to the wedding, I kept trying to get together with her so we could talk in person, but she kept making excuses and would cancel last minute.
Suddenly it was the day before the wedding and I wasn't 100% sure if she would show up. But she did and I had asked her to help me get ready before the rehearsal in the hotel, but she said she was running late and couldnt.
At the rehearsal Dinner, everyone started lining up and she went right next to me orginially. I had to say no it's actually my sister and best man, then May and our groomsman. She looked at me hurt, but didn't say anything and we proceeded to the dinner.
She was very quiet throughout the dinner. But the wedding went off with no drama. I feel terrible I couldn't tell her in person before but I never had the opportunity to speak with her and didn't want to have that convo over text, so am I the asshole?
ESH - Did she deserve to be replaced? Absolutely. Did she deserve to be told that before she tried to sit down, in front of your entire wedding party at the rehearsal dinner? Absolutely. A text is not ideal but it’s so much better than that.
NTA RE: making your sister your MOH. It sounds like she really stepped up. That said, you should think about whether you've been a good friend to "May" here and that's a separate question.
I wouldn't say your expectations for your MOH were wildly unreasonable but it sounds like you expected 2 bridesmaids to plan at least one shower (or maybe both??) PLUS a bachelorette party. That's a lot to put on two people!
Were you spending time with your friend separate from wedding-related events, where talk of wedding planning was absent and you were instead focused on catching up on other topics?
If not, you may have missed an opportunity to hear about things going on in her life that may have contributed to her not showing up for you as you had hoped.
The way you communicated that she was no longer MOH was not great, though. Any other way of communicating her "demotion" less publicly would have been ideal (text, phone call, etc.) Definitely consider offering an apology in respect to that, if you want to try to salvage the friendship.
When she performed no MOH duties or supported you in the way one would expect, she kind of removed herself from that position, didn't she? However, springing that on her at the rehearsal dinner was a bit much. A conversation over text would have been better than putting her in the spot that you did. ESH.