Bride feels she HAS to DEMOTE bridesmaid. AITA?
When this woman is annoyed with her bridesmaid, she asks Reddit:
"WIBTA for demoting my bridesmaid?"
My fiancé (30m) and I (29f) are having a small wedding next year. I chose 6 bridesmaids - 2 sisters and 4 close friends, all of which seemed to be excited about the wedding at the time.
One of them ("Lucy"), an old friend from college, has been going through a very tough time at work and in her personal life so my expectations have been low, but my fiancé thinks she has been taking it too far and I should demote her to just being a guest.
She takes weeks to reply to my messages (if ever), has cancelled on events with bridesmaids 10 minutes before the start and only reaches out to me if she needs emotional support. She comes to stay with me when she's having a particularly rough time, but as soon as her problem is solved she forgets I exist.
For example, a few months ago, she begged me to travel to her city to see her because she was struggling. I made last minute (expensive!) plans to see her one evening and work in my company's office in that city the next day.
I arrived at hers on time. She said she would be there ASAP but arrived 4 hours later after posting photos of drinks with work friends. When she got home she wanted to shower/get changed and kept saying she'd be out to chat "in 5 minutes" but when it was getting very late, she suggested breakfast instead.
I moved around some meetings to accommodate this but she never woke up in time and I had to leave. She messaged me throughout the day planning/cancelling and eventually I was so fed up I went back to my city.
Our friendship hasn't always been like this obviously. I know she is going through a difficult time but I can't help but notice her posting about the fun things she's doing with her other friends several times a day, so feel like the friendship has become totally one sided.
My fiancé keeps telling me I should drop her as a bridesmaid but I don't want to destroy our friendship and don't know whether telling her I don't want her to be my bridesmaid would be too far. AITA?
Let's see what readers thought.
correctequal2534 writes:
NTA. It seems like she just wants to use you when she has no one else to give her attention or support. Clearly if she’s spending time hanging with other people while cancelling last minute on you, she does not respect you or your time.
This is your wedding. If you can’t trust her to show up for you without a last minute cancellation, she can’t expect to remain a bridesmaid.
refregeratorfun87 writes:
NTA - if she's not holding up her agreement for the bridesmaid responsibilities, then she shouldn't be one. If you're still on the fence, even though she's been pretty rude and careless with your time and feelings lately, would it be worth trying to talk to her about the role first?
Let her know you're aware she's got a lot, and ask if she thinks that's the best way forward for everyone's sake? If she's really your friend, she would figure it out or agree and gracefully bow out. If she blows up at you, then at least you tried to take the high road.