Bride gets blamed for causing 'flower girl WAR' between 5 & 7 yo nieces. AITA?
When this bride-to-be is in the middle of a flower girl battle, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for apparently causing drama between my nieces over the flower girl position in my wedding ?"
I (26F) am getting married in January. I have a niece who is 7, we'll call her Jess. And my partner has a niece who is 5, we'll call her Ava. Jess is painfully shy. She has cried through every single school function she's been in, hates having her photo taken, and takes a long time to warm up to people.
So, when we picked our flower girl the obvious choice was Ava. And that seemed fine, until a few weeks ago. Now, Jess is becoming jealous. Ava was practicing the other day, and Jess tried to rip the basket out of her hands and we had to separate them. Ava hissed at her. Jess keeps complaining about how Ava gets a dress with a bow, and called her "a stupid baby".
Jess's mother is mad at me now, saying that I shouldn't have based my decision off Jess's previous actions, and that I should let her be my flower girl because she "wants to be one so very bad".
When I said that I'm not changing my mind so close to the wedding, she said that my favoritism is showing. I'm not trying to play favorites, I just thought that Jess would be miserable in that particular situation. I had no idea that this would be such a big deal. It feels like war. So weird. AITA for my choice of flower girl?
Let's see what readers thought.
okeydokey6 writes:
NTA but have some sympathy for the child. I’d tell her she can also be a flower girl if she wants to, she can have a pretty dress with a bow, and she can walk down the aisle with Ava.
And if she freaks out when it’s time to actually walk, tell her it’s fine, she doesn’t have to do it, and she can have a seat. I mean, she’s just a little kid. If the only reason you didn’t pick her is because you thought she wouldn’t want to do it, at least give her the opportunity.
ladylaughs writes:
ESH. I think the right thing to do would have been to offer the same opportunity to Jess, knowing she may not be able to go through with it. Have the parents get the dress etc. You thought you were considerate, but she’s 7.
All she sees is another girl chosen over her. So she acted out. Why wouldn’t you offer something like she wears a dress and holds your bouquet til it’s time to go, or she could help grandma to her seat and wear the dress etc? Why was your only solution total exclusion.
junipercauk writes:
YTA. You’re putting a lot of blame on a 7 year old, mention you didn’t ask her but told her she wasn’t going to be a flower girl and “that she seemed the accept it” but didn’t understand what it meant. Of course not she’s 7 - do you think she’s been to a lot of weddings to draw experience from?
Also she’s your niece - do you even like her? You could have gotten them the same dress but only have Ava do the walk down the aisle if Jess has a history of being shy. You don’t have to do anything but you could have been much more thoughtful of an aunt.
Also, you say “the obvious choice was Ava” like there’s only the possibility of one flower girl. There’s no rules, you can have no flower girls or a dozen. Picking one and excluding the other is an asshole move.