When this bride is concerned that she invited her bridesmaid's ex, she asks Reddit:
"AITA for inviting my bridesmaid’s ex to our wedding?"
My former roommate and I lived together 6 years before my fiancé proposed. 3 of those 6 years she had a boyfriend, who me & my fiancé both knew before they dated. We were very close (like 4 roommates) while they dated, and even did group stuff together with all of our families.
After they broke up, we still saw him around due to lots of mutual friends, and he always asked my fiancé to hang out. It always made her upset that we’d see him, but she also moved on quickly and has been with her current bf for 2 years now. My in-laws want to invite the ex & his parents to our wedding.
It’s a 300+ person wedding...so why does it matter. And with her being a bridesmaid, the odds of them even running into each other that night are slim, so I don’t plan on even telling her he’s invited. But, deep down I know she’ll be upset. Am I the asshole?
Let's see what readers thought.
independentlength7 writes:
N T A if you invite the ex -- after all, it sounds like you are actual friends with this person -- but definitely YTA if you are deceptive to your friend (and bridesmaid!) about his attendance.
Tell you friend the truth: you want to invite the ex-bf because they are important to you and your fiance, let them know you'll do everything possible to make the occasion stress-free for her (e.g., do NOT sit the ex-bf anywhere near the bridal party table), and make sure you give some extra love to her during your bridal party only events.
Your friend would be understandably upset if you were deceptive and she had to encounter her ex as an ugly surprise at the wedding. Even if she has a long-time new partner, no one wants to see their ex at a wedding if they weren't expecting it, ESPECIALLY if there's a +1. She's moved on, it sounds like, but weddings have a tendency to stir up old drama and feelings.
twinzylander writes:
YTA because of the lie. If she meets him during the wedding she might feel cornered and I don’t see any scenario where she won’t feel betrayed. Explain the situation to her as soon as possible.
It might end up not being an issue for her (it will if you lie) and if it is, tell her you give her time to think about it. If she is intelligent, she should reconcile with the idea fast enough (don’t put pressure on her).
If she doesn’t, you’ll know and you will also avoid possible drama at the wedding. You are counting on chance for them not to cross paths, which unreliable at best or that she doesn’t hear about it before the wedding (how many people will have to lie for you?). It’s also very immature from you.
independentke7 writes:
N T A if you invite the ex -- after all, it sounds like you are actual friends with this person -- but definitely YTA if you are deceptive to your friend (and bridesmaid!) about his attendance.
Tell you friend the truth: you want to invite the ex-bf because they are important to you and your fiance, let them know you'll do everything possible to make the occasion stress-free for her (e.g., do NOT sit the ex-bf anywhere near the bridal party table), and make sure you give some extra love to her during your bridal party only events.
Your friend would be understandably upset if you were deceptive and she had to encounter her ex as an ugly surprise at the wedding.
Even if she has a long-time new partner, no one wants to see their ex at a wedding if they weren't expecting it, ESPECIALLY if there's a +1. She's moved on, it sounds like, but weddings have a tendency to stir up old drama and feelings.